eyes are the window to the soul ꫂ᭪

BAD GUY ; dazai osamu x fem!reader, feat. fyodor dostoyevsky.

synopsis. you two pull each other closer whenever you happen to be in the same room yet you two push away the moment distance becomes an afterthought between you two. until you try to pull away forever and dazai pushes through to reach you. it's almost paradoxical, you two are close but never closer and distant but never far.

or, falling in love with the likes of dazai osamu isn't gentle, it's like falling down due to a fever for whom you want no medicine.

✴ general tags and warnings. uni!au, fem!reader, uni!dazai, fake dating au, indirect rejection, angst, yearning, doomed love, flirting, attachment issues, unreliable narrator, suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, suicide is idealized, suppressed rage, emotional instability, trust issues, blackmailing, harassment, bullying, oda and ango are alive here, dazai is still unhinged js less then canon ig, pm past mentioned vaguely, gangs and illegal businesses mentioned, drug scandals, corrupted policiticians, class differences, daddy issues, reader idolizes her father alot, war refugees, friendships being broken and trying to be restored, extreme self hatred, hallucinations, one sided love, violence used, etc, more specific warnings will be added before each chapter.

✴ note. woowee these are alot of warnings huh? lmaoo i am sure i have forgotten sm of them though. anyways i am rlly excited for this one and wah wah, mind blank rn. ig this is the end of my hiatus once i begin to post this fic? this series is my baby and i am very proud of it.

love can't be limited to a specific feeling, to a specific person. it's as limitless as the sky and as deep as the ocean.

ishq; what you feel for dazai has consumed you and any other feeling you might have, even the desire to die.

uboor; he passed over the river to be with you, even if for fleeting moments.

01 they don't know 'bout us, 10.6k !

02 you are my tear, you are my fear, 9.7k !

03 is mine the fate of ophelia, 12.2k !

04 the stray who has no identity, 12.7k !

05 they call me a bad man, that's a good thing, 16.3k !

06 there is a bitter next to your sweet, 10.9k ! 2nd july.

07 cooking like a chef . . five star michelin? 9.4k ! 16th july.

08 tba !

09 tba !

10 tba !

. . . more tba . . .

- Nakahara Chūya, “A Chilly Evening” from Poems of Days Past

- Nakahara Chūya, “A Chilly Evening” from Poems of Days Past

Sakaguchi Ango, “A Personal View of Japanese Culture”

fratboy!dazai who is known to be deceptive and cunning, as said by many, previous rumors. and it doesn't change the second he gets you behind the locked door in his room.

the second you're alone with him, he'll push you back against the same door before you can even take your jacket off. immediately, he buries his face in the crook of your neck with a low and needy groan, hands unable to lift away— sliding under your shirt to hold you closer as he tongue fucks your mouth.

fratboy!dazai who uses his tall height and heavy size to entirely pin you down during late-night study sessions. having attachment issues, he can't withstand when you don't give him attention for more than an hour. he'll crawl right on top of your lap, eyeing you from below while you continue working.

until he decides to trap your body beneath him once your nearly done, holding your chin up to meet his gaze— "you've been ignoring me since evening— look at me," he says, catching your face in his demanding grip forcing you to look at his pout.

fratboy!dazai who is extremely possessive and handsy when he's had a few drinks in. in a crowded party, he'll either stand right behind you at all times— completely flushed, pressing his fromt against your back, or keep a watchful eye on you from afar.

oftentimes, while talking to his friends, he'll casually slip his bandaged hand under your waistband. tracing the outline of your skin, freaking out hoping nobody sees, while he remains smug...

fratboy!dazai who loves the thrill and adrenaline that rushes through his body while he makes out with you in places where you two could easily get caught. murmuring dirty words into your ear, his voice dripping like honey while you try to keep quiet.

he smirks at the sight in front of him, feeling how fast your heart races as he remains leaned in— hands digging at your hips to prevent you from moving

fratboy!dazai who while having a reputation of a demon or manic, is actually vulnerable and gentle at heart. but many don't know that, only you do ;)

fuckboy!dazai who has a reputation of being a womanizer, and always being "detached" from reality. a heartless, scheming man...or so they say

but when it comes to you, he's on his knees, arms wrapped around your lower torser, hands on your ass. hugging your legs in close to him as you stand in front of him, slightly surprised at his behavior. was this his charm? is this how he pulled women? you think to yourself...

he's a whimpering mess, worshipping your body, pressing kisses on your stomach, trailing further down, as you let him continue

fuckboy!dazai who has no filter when it comes to his words. with a lazy drag of his tongue, he continues to tease you while you melt in his touch. "fuck, you smell so good"

leaning over your shoulder, his breath hot and rigid against your ear. his hands snaking around your waist, feeling him grow behind you, shamelessly whispering what exactly he plans to do with you later. not bothering to move an inch away, no matter how hard you playfully try to shove him away.

fuckboy!dazai who doesn't just leave faint hickeys. instead he prefers to bite down hard on the softest parts of your skin. grazing over your collarbones, inner thighs, and neck with his sharp canine teeth. sinking them in as you squirm under him. leaving deep, dark blooming bruises for the morning to come.

fuckboy!dazai who doesn't want anyone elses image inside that pretty little head of yours. he wants you to think about him everytime you look at yourself in the mirror

"—got that?" he says finishing, nudging at your head with his pointer finger after friendly reminding you that you're his, and only his.

fuckboy!dazai who is fucking feral. he'll show up at your place, excited to see you later at night. after you let him in, he'll lean against the door frame, trying to act normal. but something in him snaps when you give him a sly smirk, suggesting you were out that night.

he peeps that little amused face of yours, he doesn't let the situation go so easily

the second you make it to your room, his impatient fingers pull and tear your clothes apart. teasing you by rotting his hips forwards towards your clothed heat as he traps you underneath him— continuing until your fucking desperate for him, not stopping until you glance straight at him and beg what it is exactly, what you want.

────────

there's one more left, this is a trio.

stoner!dazai who may look like hes on another planet— seeming zoned out, but is actually highly observant even while relaxed.

the moment you try to slide off his lap, he’ll firmly readjust you, spreading you back down with a tightened grip to hold you in place.

he won’t say nothing for an hour, but he for sure will pull you back onto the couch with him— his large hands possessively roaming under your shirt, tracing lines along your ribs and stomach, wrapping his long legs around you and resting his chin on top of your head.

leaning into your shoulder, hugging you closely as if you were his personal teddy bear. "youre so warm." he whispers, slumping his entire bodyweight on you so that youre unable to leave from his grasp.

stoner!dazai who loves the rushing feeling of sharing a smoke through a kiss. he'll take a long inhale, dragging out the smoke, then tilt your chin up with two fingers and press his lips against yours.

his tongue licking the roof of your mouth as he's exhaling the warm smoke into your lungs— the lack of oxygen leaving you with a dizzy head. whirling from the sensation, being able to taste the herbal essence on your lips.

stoner!dazai who is agonizingly slow in bed. he's already high off his fucking mind and his perception of time is already warped insane, but watching how you squirm and whimper while you're spread out beneath him causes him to stretch out every touch.

light kitten licks up your neck, biting at your ears, and soft mumbles and groan that escape from his mouth. "—Fuck, you're that fucking desperate? cmon show me baby?" He says with a cocky smile, taking his time to break you completely. while he watches your face unravel under him, completely unbothered by the amount of time that has passed, as long as he's buried inside you

stoner!dazai who does the same annoying pose youve repeatdly asked him not to do. it dosent matter what you say, or how sneaky you are, you try to take a candid photo of him and there it is— you deadpan at the pic, glancing it at longingly. that damn su!cidal maniac...

he looks smug in each one pic too, knowing he's ruined your photos to post.

by the time you have some time to glance at the pictures you took of him, you notice he's sticking that same, slight middle finger up in each, and every single one of them... asshole

stoner!dazai who has the most seductively low, and husky voice while teasing you. he'll hold the roll out of your reach, extending his arm, causing you to straddle his lap while his other arm caresses the back of your waist, moving you along his hardening length.

but its a trick! instead, he traps the back of your neck and presses his lips all over your shoulder blades, peppering small kisses that trail up to your jawline.

with the same deep, dangerous voice that vibrates against your entire spine, he'll shamelessly whisper the dirtiest things right against your skin— smiling at the way your breath hitches.

stoner!dazai who is the most unhinged maniac even if hes in a faded state.

dont let his softened puppy eyes and flushed cheeks fool you. although he dosent like pain, something in him sparks whenever you loosely hold onto his shoulders while he thrusts deep inside you. clawing at his back, leaving small scratches along the bare parts.

watching the small vein on his forehead pulsing at the physical feeling of being incredibly hyper-erratic underneath the laid-back facade he had going on.

Beast Under the Moonlight came from his desperate need for survival and having no other way to protect himself. So, a breaking point. A devastating one at that. What was the breaking point for other characters like?

Sigma's main emotional wound comes from having no memories, no knowledge of his past, of his existence, no place to belong. And his ability is to exchange information through touch. Sure, this might have been written in on the book alongside everything else about him, but there is still a poetic element to it.

Or, what drove Kyusaku to manifesting an ability that only works on people who hurt them? A child who has the ability to drive those who hurt them insane. What happened to them?

What was Dazai doing before his attempt that made him end up being able to nullify other abilities, essentially making him impossible to attack via non-traditional means?

How desperate was Fukuzawa for human connection while dealing with his trauma from the war that he manifested an ability that works by bringing people together?

How much love for life does Yosano carry that her ability is to heal and revive people with essentially no limit to it?

How strong is Kunikida's resolve to bring his ideals to life, no matter how impossible they might be in practice, that he can bring objects to reality from a blank page?

What did Oda want to prevent? What did Ango want to find out?

synopsis. you were just supposed to give a few documents to your boss sigma. there was no need for a part timer like you to enter his house and there was no need for you to accept when fyodor dostoyevsky, sigma's friend, offered to give you a ride back because he was leaving at the same time and didn't want you to walk alone at night. there was also no reason for you to ask for his number but you did anyway. there was no reason for you to break your heart this way but you did it anyway.

word count ; 30,017 words.

general tags and warning. older!fyodor (37), younger!fem reader (22), age gap of fifteen years, casino owner!sigma, boss!sigma, sigma and nikolai are in their 30s too, amnesia/memory loss mentioned, reader is a foreigner in russia, homesickness, feelings of alienation, flirting, angst, vague lore of reader, fyodor and the rest are some big shots but reader doesn't care, sexual flirting (whatever this means), fyodor glasses agenda goes strong, jealousy, nikolai is nikolai doing nikolai-like stuff, sigma is stressed 24/7, fyodor is delirious 24/7 + more will be added to each chap.

note. i felt bad since I think the fic idea I answered with in the ask ended up being somewhat dif from what was asked and I was like :((( nooo, what if they don't like it??? so i decided to pause my unidazai fic to write this oneshot instead. and i NEVER pause my dazai fics since he's literally my husband. so feel special, fyodor fans.

yeeey i’m back!! sorry for being so inactive TT

dazai osamu:

𓂃⋆.˚ the biggest surprise is definitely that, for once, dazai is unusually quiet. after spending the entire day making everyone laugh, teasing kunikida during the reception and somehow convincing chuuya to dance just to annoy him, the moment the hotel room door closes behind the two of you, all of that energy seems to melt away. he just stands there for a second, looking at you with an expression you’ve only seen a handful of times before: completely genuine, without a single joke to hide behind.

𓂃⋆.˚ he smiles the second he notices you still wearing your wedding ring, gently taking your hand in his and absentmindedly turning it so the light catches the band. “you’re stuck with me now,” he murmurs with a tiny laugh, but the joke sounds softer than usual, almost like he’s trying to convince himself that this is actually real.

𓂃⋆.˚ i think he’d ask if you’re tired before anything else. weddings are exhausting, and dazai is surprisingly attentive when it comes to noticing when you’re pushing yourself too hard. he’ll quietly help you take off your shoes and hanayome ishou, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear and telling you there’s absolutely no rush for anything tonight. after everything he’s lived through, simply ending the day together already feels like more than he ever expected to have.

𓂃⋆.˚ he’ll probably spend the next hour just talking with you while the room is finally quiet. reminiscing about little moments from the day, laughing about whoever caught the bouquet, joking about how he almost cried during your vows before immediately insisting it was “just dust in his eye.” it’s one of those conversations that wanders aimlessly because neither of you really wants the day to end.

𓂃⋆.˚ would he make love to you? yes, but not in the casual and detached way people often reduce him to. dazai is flirtatious, he jokes about women constantly, and he has a reputation as a womanizer, but beneath all of that, he’s also someone who struggles immensely with intimacy, vulnerability and believing that he’ll ever truly be understood due to past traumas.

he’d approach that intimacy as an expression of trust more than passion alone. for someone who spends so much of his life hiding behind masks, choosing to be completely emotionally open with the person he married would probably be one of the most vulnerable things he’d ever do.

he would talk you and guide you all the way through, keeping a slow and arousing pace but without taking it too far. he’d pay meticulous attention to every reaction, whimper, sound or touch that could make you uncomfortable, even the slightest.

he wound definitely worship you.

i also imagine there would be a quiet moment afterward where he’s lying beside you, a bit sweaty and tired, absentmindedly turning your wedding ring between his fingers. he’d probably smile to himself and say something half-joking like, “you know… it’s a little late to change your mind now.”

when you laugh and tell him you’re not going anywhere, he’d relax in a way that’s almost imperceptible, but real real. for someone who has spent so much of his life believing he didn’t quite belong anywhere, ending the day with the certainty that he gets to wake up beside the person he loves every morning would mean far more to him than any grand romantic gesture ever could.

𓂃⋆.˚ at some point, when the excitement has settled, he’ll become noticeably more affectionate than usual. not dramatically so, just quieter. he’ll hold your hand a little longer, rest his forehead against yours while you’re both smiling, steal slow kisses in the middle of conversations simply because “we’re married now. i get to call you my spouse, can you believe it??”

𓂃⋆.˚ he’d become unexpectedly sentimental once he thinks you’ve fallen asleep. he’ll brush his thumb over your wedding ring, study your face for a long moment and whisper something embarrassingly honest that he’d never admit while you’re awake, something like, “thank you for choosing me.” by the time you quietly smile and squeeze his hand to let him know you heard him, he’ll immediately groan into the pillow because now you’ll tease him about it for the rest of your lives.