Yeah, So?

Instead of working on my tractor, we went for a ride with the someone’s best friends yesterday. It was cold and there was patchy rain but not once did I get scared. No road rage, no nothing. I definitely didn’t miss riding on the back of a Sportster, but we had fun and I learned a couple of things. My butt and spine are unhappy today.

He has the reputation of being a player. I know his stories so I’m not concerned. I learned that he never buys anything for women he’s seeing. He bought me something. In fact, he had one of his friends get me out of the store to do so. They were floored. Nothing fancy or dramatic, it was the act itself that stunned them. The one who lured me away said, “All I’m going to say is he’s never done this before.” She wouldn’t tell me what the “this” was until it arrived in a bag with a sheepish look.

He has a history of not being demonstrative in public. This, too, is not the case with me. So much so that his friends remarked on it a couple of times when he was out of ear shot. His friends don’t know what to make of it.

He’s a hard one to read, and when I’m emphatic he calls it barking. I told him he’ll recognize barking when he hears it.

I hate those talks. I hate not knowing if the person is going to look at me cross eyed and tell me to get the hell over it or pity me. I don’t want either. I want him to listen, try to comprehend, ask questions if need be, and accept that this is the way it is. But most of all, I really want to not have to talk about it in the first place.

I’m suffering from a decided lack of sleep. Someone gets up for work at 5 am. We chat until he leaves at 6 am. I have a frustrating inability to fall back asleep once I’m up and chatting. However, I have no problem staying awake a large portion of the night which means I’ve averaged about 5 hours sleep a night for the past three weeks. My IQ has dropped 30 points minimum.

I have all of these service calls to do but the weather is being a dick and when it’s not, I don’t have anyone to go with me. Plus...phone calls. God, I hate making phone calls to set up appts. Frustrating.

Tomorrow is the biker bonfire at my place. Actually it’s called a progressive dinner run which means a bunch of people on motorcycles drive one place to eat hors d’oevres, then another for salads and booze, then a third for entrees, then my place for dessert and fire. Now it looks like I may have to hostess the second stop as well because he probably has to work. I need to load my wagon with wood, set up the fire pit, make some dessert things (and a salad I volunteered to make for the second stop), and clean my house up some so I don’t look like I’ve been running on 5 hours sleep and bouncing between multiple houses for the past three weeks.

The Someone calls me several times a day but doesn’t talk. It’s odd. It’s like when my kid used to call and play video games or talk to his friends only there’s no background game playing or friend talking to, just silence with an occasional remark. If I’m expected to carry the conversation, we’re in trouble. I’m going to make a list of questions to ask him so there’s less dead air. At this juncture, we have almost all of our serious conversations via text. He’d fit right in on tumblr.

Hey babe, where ya been? Miss you. We need to get together soon and do it. You still owe me $100.00. Love, April.

The one on my Jeep says:

Hey ### has a girlfriend and is me. Love, me

Hmmm.

He worked on this chick’s car once three years ago and she’s been at it ever since. Nothing threatening, just the drive by honking and periodic notes taped on things. I find it kind of humorous but he finds it really annoying because apparently she has told a bunch of people that they’ve been together for 20 years and she’s left voicemails at his places of employment. I can’t help but think that she needs a more productive hobby.

So I had a crappy day. I received an unneeded (passive aggressive) lecture this morning, and a bit of a chewing on this afternoon and, when I told the Someone about them both, he asked, “Did you say something?” Well, no, I didn’t. Why? Because it would have been totally unproductive so what would be the point? I used to say, a bit too often actually, “Because it serves no useful purpose.” If that’s the case, I just keep it to myself.

In other news, I recently discovered that when I worry out loud, which I do far too frequently, I sound critical. I don’t intend to be critical; I’m not even really criticizing. I’m just worrying about stuff - people mostly - and it comes across that way. Thanks, Mom. So in the interest of today’s navel gazing, I’m going to attempt to not worry about people (or my dog - I do it with my dog too) out loud. Then I won’t sound like a critical bitch when in reality, I’m just really uptight and worried about stuff almost all the time.