my glamorous life

I didn't mind it once I got used to it, but my passenger wasn't thrilled. I'm trying to decide if it'll scare the shit out of me if I'm not driving, and if Tom will be comfortable enough to drive like that because once you're driving, you can't stop driving. There's nowhere to get off except the occasional gas station. It's not like you can pull onto the shoulder to switch drivers. PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ON THE SHOULDERS.

So, we'll see how that goes when we return, both of us and both dogs this time, in October. My trip in July was just the scouting party.

Today is my birthday. I'm 60, which is weird because I didn't expect to see 30, and how weird is it to be old? It's weird. You can trust me on this. This morning I asked my sister if we were still pretty, or in the blah old wrinkly ignore on the street stage of life. I believe the latter, which has its high points like not being followed home from the gas station, or dudes parking outside your house for hours, or insecure women being unfairly bitchy, but it's very strange looking in the mirror and finding your face has melted, and parts of your body have shifted around.

Today was not a great day. I thought about making a road trip, but then couldn't decide, and then it was too late. There's a couple who sells tamales at the farmer's market near me in Monroe, Wisc. His name is Luis, but I don't know his wife's name. I buy a lot of tamales from them, and she's always very happy when I bring Teo because she wants a xolo. Luis speaks English, but his wife does not so he translates when she has something to say to me, or when I say something he thinks she'd be interested in.

So we were chatting June 26th, and I told him I would be driving down here in a couple of weeks. He asked to where, I told him, he told her, and they got excited because it turns out....get this.....they're from this area, generally speaking. How bizarrely small world is that?

Lake Chapala is the largest lake in Mexico. It takes about 5 hours to drive around it. Towns on the north central to northwest side are speckled with a comparatively large gringo, Canadian, and European immigrant/snowbird contingent - about 6,000. However, there are towns all around the lake and up into the mountains. On the south central side of the lake, and part way up a mountain lies Mazamitla. It's a popular destination because it looks rather like a Swiss village. There's a story behind that, but I won't go into it here. Mazamitla is popular with the gringo population too because it's cooler than the north side towns during the 6 week hot period, and some people just enjoy living in the pines. I have been to Mazamitla twice. It's cute, but we weren't overly impressed, and also not fans of the ultra wealthy, entitled Americans who spend time there. There is a pretty waterfall if you take a short hike though.

Anyway, the backstory is necessary in order to continue on with Luis. Mazamitla is very close to the state line of Michoacan, which has more cartel activity than Jalisco which is where the lake is, but it's a case of crossing an imaginary line from one to the other, and driving 10-15 miles, and it's not like cartel guys stand watch on the border like ICE. Most of the cartel activity takes place around Morelia which is the capital of Michoacan, and a 4 hr drive east from Mazamitla. There's not a lot of money to be made in the provinces so most of their activity takes place in bigger cities. There was some cartel activity up the mountain from Mazamitla a few years ago, crop related or something, but if you don't know what to look for, and don't do/sell/grow drugs, you generally wouldn't know they're around.

The US press and state department like to inflate and inflame when it comes to Mexico so let me clarify something from the perspective of the people who actually live, or frequently travel here. It's bad business to drag gringos or tourists into cartel business. The cartel doesn't go around killing Americans. On the occasions that you hear about an American/Canadian/tourist being caught up in something it's either because they were interfering in the drug trade in some way, or someone other than cartel overstepped. Usually that overstepping person or persons are found hanging from a bridge later because the cartels don't want problems with gringos. Problems with gringos cause problems for them with the government. That's not to say this country is super safe. It's not. But you won't get shot in a massacre at a parade or a concert, and school shootings are unheard of. Mexicans don't kill their kids. You might get caught in an illegal checkpoint and hit up for a bribe aka mordida. That is a cartel thing. You could, slight possibility, get blocked on the road and have your car stolen. That's normally not cartel. And you can be pick pocketed or robbed just like anywhere else. So keeping that in mind as I finish this story, Luis told me they were from a small town near Mazamitla called San Jose de Gracia, and his son is a notario and attorney in another nearby town, Concepcion de Buenos Aires, and how once their younger son graduated college in Wisc they were going to retire back to San Jose de Gracia. He said it's a very nice town, and pretty, and if I could, I should go visit, and maybe also the town his son is in. San Jose de Gracia, although very close to Mazamitla, is in Michoacan.

So I thought, how nice would it be to go home and tell them I'd visited their town, and we could chat about it. It's a bad time for latinos in the US and sometimes somebody treating you like a person, and caring about your life makes an impact. Plus I like to see new things and places especially if there's a reason.

I drive a mid-sized SUV. Most Mexican towns have narrow, cobblestone roads. The secondary highways aren't as wide as ours and are two lane. It can get cramped, there are random topes (speed bumps) on all roads no matter the speed limit, and it's rainy season which can cause road condition problems. So I messaged a woman I know here that I just met up with on Thursday and asked her if she'd heard how the roads are over there. She hasn't been on that side of the lake in a long time so didn't know. Then I asked the woman who facilitated our residency, and who answers all of my stupid questions, and she thought probably fine except there's been hard rain of late so who knows. Then I messaged a woman who has a house in Mazamitla and a condo on the north side, and was actually heading over to Mazamitla when I texted, and she freaked out about that town being in Michoacan, and how it's dangerous to cross the state line especially in a US plated car when really all I wanted to know is if any roads are washed out or the potholes are awful, or are they super narrow because I'm driving an SUV, but by then it was too late to start a 5 hr roundtrip jaunt, and I was aggravated and anxious again. I've been very anxious for a week. Also it irritates the shit out of me when people assume I haven't already done as much research as I can prior to asking their opinion, and behave as though I'm an idiot who doesn't know to not drive after dark or carry large amounts of cash.

However, I don't have anything to do tomorrow, and today sucked, so I messaged Juan who drives us around when we need it, and asked him if he felt it would be unsafe or if she's just neurotic, and his conclusion is that mostly she's neurotic. He said his in-laws came that way from the east side not long ago and complained about the potholes, and although driving a black SUV with Illinois plates isn't ideal, it's not an Escalade with limo tint, and Mexican immigrants living in the US drive their US plated cars down here to visit this time of year too, so he thinks it'd be fine if I went early in the day so I don't end up driving after dark and hit a cow or horse or tear the suspension out of my car on a pothole or tope. So I'm back to deciding if I want to take a 5 hr roadtrip to look at my tamale people's town.

Cousin Lyle and me at Rice Souffle, Plano TX, July 9, 2026.

All of my research was for crossing the Puente Internacional Solidaridad - Colombia bridge so, of course, I missed it and wound up crossing Laredo #1. I've read accounts by several people who cross there, but it's smack in the middle of Laredo/Nuevo Laredo and I was trying to avoid that. By the time we pulled up to the booth there really wasn't a way to not cross so we just went with it. The border officer in the booth provided directions to INM (immigration) and Banjercito (where you get your vehicle import permit), but Kay isn't a great navigator, and the road was confusing, so we, of course, missed it. We turned into a place that looked promising except my RAV had no business making the turn (the space was super narrow) or trying to exit that parking lot once Kay discovered it was not the right place. However, they also provided directions. We missed the turn, turned around, found the turn which would have been a 160 deg turn from our original position, and ultimately found the building we needed which is a huge white building that you can see as you're approaching the bridge to begin with.

I discovered that I can't lock my car with the fob while it's running so I was setting up the portable a/c that I brought for the dog, and Kay decided to go check things out but took my documents with her. I was supposed to join her once the dog was settled. I entered the door that I thought she had gone through and was faced with a security guard/govt employee who scowled at me, asked me a question in rapid Spanish that I didn't understand, and wouldn't let me enter the room that I thought Kay had gone into. I tried to muddle through, but was unsuccessful and had to go back outside where I messaged her, went to my car and had a little breakdown. Nothing like crying in your car at an immigration office in a different country because you can't make yourself understood and you can't understand the mean little man guarding the door.

She finally came out having found INM and was startled to find me upset. Got control of myself, went into INM, told them where I was headed, showed them my residency card and passport and then headed back to the mean guard who was at Banjercito and who said only one person could go in. Got my docs from Kay and sat in the seat he told me to. Everyone someone finished, we all changed seats to move closer until the first 10 people in line who were standing.

When I got to a window, I was relieved to find it was a young woman and the first thing I said to her was, "Lo siento. No hablo espanol bien." I pushed my docs through the bulletproof/covid proof glass: original title, registration, passport, both sides of residency card, pic of VIN tag, both sides of driver's license, and Mexican car insurance plus black and white copies of the same. She had me write down my phone number and email address, asked if I had a trailer, got my credit card for the filing fee ($69.81 at the current exchange rate) and fee for the permit which is based on the age of your vehicle, in my case $400 USD - refundable when you return the TIP. She printed things out, charged the card, and handed them to a man who spoke English who explained it to me although I already knew because they have an info video playing the whole time you're there, and I read Spanish much better than I speak it. If you're a tourist, your TIP is good for 180 days or whatever lesser amount of time you were given by INM. If you're a temporary resident, it's good until your residency expires which in my case is Nov 2028 when I'll roll into permanent resident status and will no longer be able to drive a foreign plated vehicle in Mexico.

With all of that done, we went looking for Aduana (customs) but didn't find them and an official woman at a booth outside said we didn't need to since we'd checked in and gotten the TIP. I briefly bemoaned having thrown away my peaches the night before but was glad I risked bringing grapes in a sealed container, some croissants and a bag of nuts.

Wow.....the laptop interface has changed a lot since I used it last.

So I'm in Mexico with my xolo-dog for the next 9 days. You'll probably be hearing a lot from me.

I drove down. People like to gnash their teeth about the dangers of Mexico, but I actually know people irl who drive down here a couple times a year. People who live here drive here daily. There is crime in Mexico - you bet. There is also crime in Compton and Chicago and any number of places like Freeport IL pop 20,000. In Mexico you're more likely to be extorted than to be shot at a parade, and your individual chance of being extorted is less. Knowing that doesn't make it a less intimidating adventure though.

It was a long drive. That's a bit of an understatement. It takes 5 days to drive from NW Illinois to Lake Chapala, Jalisco, Mexico. You could probably do it in 4, but you don't drive the highways or toll roads at night here because of cows.

My first night was in Springfield, MO where it turns out I have friends. I thought they were in Jacksonville, FL, but they had relocated to a town near Springfield, so we had dinner and caught up on the high points of the past 12 years. We hadn't spoken since I kicked my last ex-husband out. BTW, he died. That's a whole other post. Anyway, we had dinner, and it was a really nice visit. I was invited to stay at their house if I travel back the same route. Teo and I stayed in this cute little motel and since she's training for service, I didn't have to pay an extra fee.

The next day I drove to Plano, TX where I have a cousin that I'm particularly fond of. I rarely see him, and there was little chance of seeing him in the near future since his parents moved away from IL, and his mother died. We spent hours talking, went to a little souffle place for dinner where his youngest dau works, and then talked some more until it was 11, my dog hadn't been out in 6 hours, and my husband was waiting to call and tell me about his day. The Motel 6 was your usual except the clerk and I didn't exchange a single word which was kind of bizarre.

Day three I drove across Texas which goes on forever. I paid a woman from the lake down here to meet me there, ride down with me, and show me how to do the things. Plus, her Spanish is better than mine. She had trouble getting an Uber so Teo and I sat in a sketchy La Quinta parking lot for a little over an hour. Unfortunately, Kay was trying to be helpful and booked the rooms in her name so I couldn't check in until she got there. It did get us a discount, but it was a long hour. Laredo, or at least the parts we were in, is not a place I'd like to spend more time. It's run down and shady. The hotel was bad and there weren't any decent grassy spaces for Teo, but one night won't kill you.

I was nervous about crossing the bridge and driving through Nuevo Laredo so I didn't sleep worth a shit.

An escort is handy, right? Except it'll cost $700 USD which is considerably more than I budgeted. $350 per day. Not an unreasonable ask, but I'm not wealthy like most of the folks who hire. I'd drive it in a day, but I don't know how long it'll take to get across the border and through immigration although having residency should speed that up a bit. It's 12+ hours from there, 13 when you stop for the dog to pee (and maybe yourself). You don't really want to drive highways at night not only because of the topes, but because cows. And horses. And possibly a goat or two.

I've been feeling guilty about forking out that cash, but the silver lining is it's been a really good motivator for finishing all of the skulls I've been putting off. That may require explanation....

Out here in the provinces, when you butcher an animal, the mobile butcher comes out, kills, capes and cleans, and leaves all of that stuff at your place so you have to dispose of the innards, the hide, lower legs, and head. 20 years ago I got the brilliant idea to process the skulls and decorate my house. The husband du jour at that time was a deer hunter so we had European mount deer anyway, and it was cheaper for me to process the deer heads than to take them to a taxidermist. So I have a house full of skulls of all kinds (except deer which he took when I kicked him out). I have coyote, coon, cat, groundhog, goat, steer, sheep, chicken, guinea, duck, mink, llama and hog that I processed, and a porcupine and ceremonial Tibetan wolf that I purchased.

Anyway, I had about 25 goat/ram/cow skulls in the garage waiting for me to get around to it, and another 6 coon/groundhog/hornless ram/cow that I already had on my Etsy page. For the past three weeks, I've been plugging right along cleaning the ones from garage, and suddenly, after slow sales the past couple years, I've sold 11 in the past ten days, including one of the big weird ones. That's 3/4 of the way to paying for the escort.

The steers haven't been selling - most likely because they don't have horns. They're ideal for someone who paints though. If they were painted with Dia de los Muertos designs (Day of the Dead), or prehistoric type spirals or even pastoral scenes, they'd be cool as hell, and potentially more marketable, but I have no talent beyond being charming and off-putting simultaneously.

I only have one more regular sized ram skull to do and three big strange ones, plus four or five steers to give a brushing to because they were cleaned previously, and I will have processed all of the skulls I have except a steer that's still in the barnlot. Hopefully I'll raise enough to hire the escort (that sounds so bad) without dipping into daily life money.

Side note: if you're a skull person or an artist, my etsy store is chupacabrita ranch or DM me.