know your roots

Dear white people,

As a 35 year old standing member of the Unbothered Blacks of America Club, I hereby declare, with a unanimous vote from all other Blacks of substance, that you guys are free to have raven-symoné.

Initially, we were pleased to have raven be a part of our community. From the precocious kid we all grew to love on the Cosby show to the self made multi millionaire who managed to build an entire empire off of being comedic (but goofy), we felt that we truly had a gem amongst us.

But as time progressed, we began to notice attitudinal changes and inconsistencies that do not align with the standards set forth within our community. From asserting that there are several continents in Africa to now openly admitting that she wouldn’t hire some one with a “ghetto” name (when her own name is hyphenated, has an “alternate” spelling, and makes use of an unnecessary accent…all of which could also be deemed “ghetto”), we’ve absolutely hopped off our last leg of hope with this young lady, and again, wish to pass her straight on over to you…effective immediately. Since you guys are far more consistent with inconsistency and discrimination, we feel that our offer is substantial but do not need to be thanked for it.

We at UBAC thank you for taking our offer into consideration. Please respond with proper mailing details for package receipt and sign the enclosed documents, which offers detailed biographical information on raven-symoné, a letter of recommendation via stacy dash (a former member of UBAC that we provided you with several months ago), and detailed information regarding our “absolutely no fucking returns” policy, all of which are standard with each offer sent.

Again, no need to thank us for our generous offer. Typical senses of entitlement lead us to believe we wouldn’t get one anyway.

You’re welcome,

Unbothered Blacks of America Club