It feels weird writing a letter to someone you were just withā¦
Youāre the worst. Indecisive. Gullible. Twit.
The first time I ever saw you perform, I was 5 years old. It was at a recital for the piano school I was going to. This awkward, clumsy kid came onto the stage and accidentally hit the piano stool with his butt. It was too funny. He turned to the piano that was way too big for him and the moment he played that first note, I was drawn in. The sound was beautiful, like a 24-colour palette. The melodies danced. The girl next to me started crying. I wasnāt expecting that at all. And even so, you gave up the piano. Even though it totally changed other peopleās lives.
Youāre the worst. Indecisive. Gullible. Twit.
(*Cut to Kaori as a kid, telling her parents sheās giving up piano for violin because she wants Kousei to play again.*)
When I found out we were in the same middle school, I was ecstatic. But how would I ever come to talk to you? Maybe Iād hang out at the lunch concession. Instead, I just watched you from afar. I mean. After all. You all seemed to get along so well. There wasnāt really any space in there for someone like me.
When I was a kid, I had to have an operation and I started having to be at the hospital for regular check-ups. In the first year of middle school, I collapsed and I was admitted over and over. With every visit, I was there for longer and longer. Really, I didnāt get to class much in middle school, I spent more time at the hospital. And I knew something was wrong with my body. One night, I saw my parents crying in the waiting room and I knew that my time was running out. Thatās when I ran away.
I didnāt want to bring my regrets with me to heaven, so I stopped holding back from what the things I always wanted to do. I wasnāt scared anymore to get contact lenses. I ate what I wanted instead of always worrying about my weight. And I took the music with all its high and mighty directives and played it the way I wanted. And then I told a lie. Just one. I lied and said that I, Miyazono Kaori, liked Watari Ryouta. And that lie brought you to me.
Please apologize to Watari for meā¦ though Iām sure heās forgotten me by now I think I need someone more wholehearted and earnest than him. I think weād be fine as friends though. And please apologize to Tsubaki for me too. I want for there to be no hard feelings. And there was one thing I could never ask of her, to ask her directly to introduce the two of us. I donāt think she wouldāve had an answer for me. After all, she was in love with you. We all knew that. I think the only people who didnāt know were you and her.
That underhanded lie brought me to you didnāt work out the way I had imagined.Ā
Remember that bridge we jumped off? The water was so cool and refreshing. Racing each other alongside the train. I really thought I could win. The moon was saw from the music room that night, like a delicious-looking bun. Singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with you as we rode on that bike together. Then falling out time. Weāre awful singers. At the school at night. Iām still sure there was something there. The falling snow, just like cherry blossoms. Itās strange to be a musician, but then to have your heart so filled by something that comes from off-stage Theyāre unforgettable scenes to me. But theyāre such little things.
Itās weird, isnāt it?
Do you think I made it into anyoneās heart like that?
I wonder if I made it into yours. I wonder if youāll still remember me. If you forget me, Iāll just come back and.. No, I donāt want to start over. Please donāt forget me. Promise me you wonāt forget me. Iām glad it was you. I hope this reaches you, Arima Kousei.
Iām sorry we couldnāt eat all those canelĆ©s. Iām sorry I hit you so much. Iām sorry I was so selfish. Iām so, so, so, so sorry. Thank you for everything.
jbbartram-illu
germansingergirl
kaledo-art
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
