My Words In Life

You are the one who started to make me feel better just because you came to me and opened up to me. You're making an effort to constantly make up for the things you've done and calling me almost every hour to make sure I'm okay. You are actually listening. And it's not like this is different from my other close friendships but for some reason feels deeper. Maybe it's because I have a better understanding of who you are or maybe it's because you came back admitting you fucked up. Either way... I am happy we can just be friends again.

It's a small price to pay when trying to find release.

So, we finally talked a bit about what we are. I'm sure we still don't know what we are. I know we are both scared of commitment for our hearts are still trying to fly free. I just hope you know that I will be loyal and true. Being friends with benefits makes me feel like I can be tossed out any day now... being in an open relationship lets us be free but worried that you'll find someone better and do the same everyone else has done... Leave. I will be jealous, I will be worried but that is only because I care. I'm afraid I see the same thing happening all over again... I'll always be alone in the end.

But the thought of pregnancy and being alone does.

I'm afraid you'd understand but leave anyways.

You are amazing to me... To find it funny how towards the end all I asked for was someone like me. Who loves cats, Pokemon and many other things that I love. And here you are. You fell into my lap when others threw me out. You took the chance to talk to me and I soon found out you were something I was asking for even though I was cautious of you. You're a singer in a band and you're passionate about it. And for once someone is absolutely crazy about me; my heart skipped a beat when you told me that you knew I was hurt. I am also amazed that you're friends like me as well... even if they laid on top of me and randomly sniffed my hair to see if it was me who smelled good and they were exceptionally supportive when I told them about my last relationship. Everything with you has been simply amazing.

I had a dream that I crushed on Chris Pratt really hard because I met him in person and he was flirting hardcore with me but I kept telling him my sister would love to met him because I know she loves him too. The only problem was he was sitting next to his fiancee. Later he pulled me aside and said he didn't want to get married and his fiancee proceed to keep me away the best she could. Chris and I were in a room lighting scented candles for some reason and the big shelf in front of me almost caught fire and when I looked inside each of the three shelves I saw boxes. I was all "One of theses is mine and the other two are my sisters!" I open my box and there was a Pikachu and Ponyta sticker thing in there. Then for some reason someone got shot in the wrist and he was "Why do I feel like I need to tell you to take me into the black light room, get a needle and have you fix this before I die?" and this lady was all "Because that's exactly what we'll do." But after we laid him down she disappeared and we just sat and waited for him to get better and then I was in a tavern place and I was looking out the back door and saw 5 men looking like they are gunna get ready to attack. The guy I went there with was like a pirate knight and ordered the men to get ready. That's all I remember.

Why is it so hard to hang out with a guy? Like I know most of the ones I wanna hang out with just want to get some in the long run. I just want to hang out and have fun, go on walks together, go to the mall, anything else than having sex. Hanging out with a guy I do like makes me feel obligated to give them some at some point and I really don't want that even if I do like them. I want the attraction but not the action. I guess this is why I like Reaper so much... He's not after that at all. He'd rather just have company while he plays video games. I really miss hanging out with him honestly. Since he works night shifts now it's been really hard getting to hang out with him. We barely text either now. I've been increasingly bored as of late and it's effecting my mood. I've been getting upset over simple things such as my dads computer wasn't playing sound so I couldn't play the Steam games on there or last night my mom made tilapia with sweet potato and we usually have some sauce that goes with it and I believe we ran out so I got upset and went out and bought something to eat. All I ever do now is wake up not wanting to wake up, work, play with Pangur, watch Netflix, play Pokemon, MAYBE Skype with a friend and  MAYBE play Minecraft which is boring as of right now. There is nothing to do in my life.

Murr

AJLSDKGHAMGALDGA This man I swear to god is so confusing. I went to his house last night and when I got there he wouldn't stop saying how much he missed me. When we were getting ready to go to Chipotle he attacked me with tickles and was yelling "I'VE MISSED YOOOOUU!" Then he told me why he didn't text me the past week around Thanksgiving; he was really stressed due to his stupid work schedule. I mean seriously he works at Wal*Mart so he was doing holiday shit. He told me how he didn't wanna be mean to me because of how stressed he was because he knew I didn't deserve the attitude and rudeness. He then held my hand in the car and then told me to call one of my friends because he missed him. At Chipotle he was so excited he hugged me and again said how much he missed me; all the while he started hugging me harder and then proceeded to say how he's gunna make my head pop off because of how much he missed me. We then went to GameStop because he wanted to look at the game Dragon Age and then asked me to get it for him. With a big sigh I agreed to get him the 70$ deluxe addition version and he gave me another big attack hug and then said "I love you!" I was frozen; I didn't know if I should say it back or what! I love you?! THIS IS COMING FROM A MAN WHO I BELIEVED WOULD NEVER SAY THAT TO ME NOR I TO HIM EVER! While he hugged me he said I better soak that word up because he never says it and as he backed away from the hug he looked at me and goes "Oh your blushing. Good! You are soaking it up!" and just flippin WALKS AWAY. I just hope he knows that I love him too.