20 "Please don't hurt me like this" for our boy Yoosung? break him
Used this request for my @mysmeangstweek entry, “Goodbye”!
i missed writing angst so here it isss
“Please don’t hurt me like this.”
Your eyes burned and your cheeks were stiff from all the dried tears. There were barely any left to cry. The Saturday afternoon that was meant to be peaceful was spent emptying them out along with shouted words and angry glares. You were exhausted, both physically and mentally, but the fight was far from over. There was too much still unsaid between you, too many things wrong and little to be done to fix it.
“I think…I think it’s best if w-we end things.”
This had been a long time coming. You arguments were always the same, breaking out nearly everyday over the same stupid thing, and ending with a tear and a kiss rather than a solution. Your boyfriend despised confrontation, he hated fighting with you, and Yoosung did everything in his power to settle things quickly. To sweep it under the rug.
And you couldn’t blame him. You hated fighting with him, too. The desperate look in his wide eyes and the crack in his voice when he tried not to cry never failed to shatter your heart, and you couldn’t find it in you to hold on to your anger or dismay at whatever you were fighting about for much longer than he could.
You were both too weak, blinded by your love for each other to see what you had become.
But now…Now it had been enough, and there was no going back now.
“No,” he shook his head, refusing to let the words you had spoken sink in, “Don’t even say something like that.”
God, you were so tired, “Yoosung-”
“No!” He turned his back to you, running a hand through his hair and letting out an exasperated sigh, “That’s not the answer, MC. We are not breaking up over this.”
“Then what can we do?” You crossed your arms, frustration battling with sadness for control of your emotions, “We can’t keep going like this, Yoosung, you know that!”
“Like what? We’ve been doing just fine until now.”
“No, we haven’t. Don’t pretend we haven’t been having this same argument for the past year. God, it’s endless and it’s not…it’s not getting any better!” You insisted, fighting the lump that threatened to rise in your throat.
Letting out a bitter laugh, you gestured around the room even though he still refused to face you, “Oh, yes, it’s so much better now.” And when he didn’t reply, you softly added, “This isn’t working anymore.”
Yoosung leaned over the wall for support, his back still to you so hopefully you couldn’t see the amount of tears that rolled down his cheek. It had been something he always hated about himself. He was weak, incapable of even arguing with you without that suffocating lump in his throat and tears in his eyes. The blond couldn’t stand the look of disappointment on your face, especially when he knew he was the cause it.
He’d do anything to erase it.
“We have always worked it out before,” Yoosung insisted, his voice strained to keep from breaking, “We can do it again, please…Please don’t think about ending this, us. Please.”
You pressed your lips in a thin line, feeling the sting of tears in your eye, but having no more to cry out, “We have never worked it out, we just… we pushed it back, and I can’t do it again. I’m so tired, Yoosung, I can’t do this with you anymore.”
It was then he finally turned around to face you, and the sight of his cheeks red and face twisted in pain shot knives through you heart, and the tears you thought you were no longer capable of producing finally came out again. He raced towards you, hugging you so tight so you wouldn’t disappear. You couldn’t disappear from him.
You melted into his arms, taking in his scent as you buried your face in his neck, dreading the words you needed to say and what needed to be done.
“Yoosung, we can’t keep doing this.”
But he shook his head against you, tightening the embrace, “Stop saying that! Please, don’t do this. Don’t do this to me.”
You felt the wet of his tears on your shoulder, his body quivering lightly as he sobbed against you. The warmth of his body and soft fabric of the blue sweatshirt he wore were supposed to be comforting, but now they only reminded you of the cold you would feel and the feeling you’d terribly miss once you left.
“Hey, look at me,” you urged, breaking away from the hug slightly so you could see his face. A part of you hoped that the sight of his red eyes and swollen face would be enough to change your mind, to make you forget all your hurt and stay, “Yoosung, you know we can’t keep doing this. Please try to understand that it’s what’s best for us and-”
“How can this be the best for us?!” He cried, “How can us being apart possibly be what’s best?”
You brought your hands to caress his cheek, lips trembling as you spoke, “We aren’t good for each other. All we do is fight lately, this isn’t…this isn’t what I wanted.”
“D-don’t say that, please,” he squeezed his eyes shut, taking in a shaking and broken breath through his sobs, “I can fix it…We can fix it. Don’t say that we aren’t good for each other, cause that’s not true. We are, we’re-”
“You call this,” you motioned between you, “Good? We’re miserable, Yoosung, we have been for a while. We can’t pretend this is working anymore.”
“But we love each other…Isn’t that enough? Shouldn’t that be enough for us to keep trying?”
Shaking your head, you uttered words that broke not only yours, but his heart as well, “It’s not enough for me, not anymore. Your love isn’t enough for me to stay anymore.”
Yoosung felt as if someone had kicked him in the stomach, punched him through his chest. He had never felt such suffocating desperation in his life. The only person he had ever loved, you, didn’t want him anymore. Oh God, you didn’t want him anymore. He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t take it, he couldn’t-
“It’s not enough?” He let out disbelieving sigh, not knowing how he could still talk through the sobs and stand on shaking knees, “I’m not enough for you anymore?”
A squeeze of his arm was the only answer you could provide him for the moment, unable to speak through the hurt you felt while taking in his broken expression. You hated yourself for hurting him like this, you loathed the way Yoosung could barely catch a breath due to your cruel words.
It was for the best, was the only thing you held on to so you could get through it.
“You are,” you whispered, “But it isn’t enough to keep going, you know that. You know-”
He cut you off grabbing both sides of your face and smashing your lips with his, kissing all the words he never wanted to hear out of your mouth. You were taken by aback by his forcefulness, but kissed him back almost immediately after, giving into the familiarity of his taste, of the feel of his lips moving passionately against yours. Your hands were quick to find their way to his hair, grabbing a fistful of his blond locks and pulling him even closer, the kiss salty with his tears mixing with yours.
“Tell me,” he panted in between kisses, “Tell me and I’ll make it enough.”
He gave you no room to reply, his lips dominating yours with such intensity, your were sure to melt into him. Your mind was wiped clean of all you wanted to yell about, to cry about. Nothing seemed important then, and perhaps he was right; this was enough.
But that’s exactly why you found the strength to pull away.
“We can’t,” you croaked, touching your forehead with his as you caught your breath, “We can’t keep going in circles like this anymore. We can’t just kiss and pretend everything is fine when its not.”
He kissed you again, more gently than before, “I know you feel this, too. I know you do.”
“Please stop saying that.” He begged, his tears splashing on the floor as they fell.
“Yoosung, please…just let me go. We’re both tired, we’re both miserable-”
He squeezed you tighter, as if his physical grip on you would prevent his emotional one from slipping away. That was one thing he could never do, no matter what. Yoosung could not live his life without you, not after all you had been through, not after imagining his entire future with you.
Not after he bought the ring.
“I’m not miserable,” he pleaded, “A-and I’m sure I can make it so that you aren’t, either. Just please…”
You pulled away, knowing it wasn’t going anywhere. His pleas were tempting, his touches and his kisses even more so, but you needed to end it before it went any further. Before you were in too deep and for far too long to break it off.
You needed to break his heart now before crushing it completely in the future.
“I need to go,” you stammered, “I-I can’t be here anymore, I need to leave.”
“MC, please… Please don’t leave. Please don’t hurt me like this.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry.”
“N-no, please, I…” he begged, put it went unheard as you rushed out the front door, leaving Yoosung to sink to his knees after his heart was shattered, “I love you.”
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