Confessions of an Atelophobe

⏳ I’ve been settling still. Finding my footing in this new life. Finding it takes a lot of time and energy even when it is deeply better than what came before it. My practice with patience is improving. There is a lot of joy and love in this (re)building phase.

🏠 YD and I are apartment searching. We had thought we would stay here (his existing lease) longer, but some circumstances have led us to make changes sooner. We are thankfully not in a major rush. An NYC late spring real estate search is really not for the faint hearted. I’ve got all my fingers and toes crossed that a really lovely option we applied for on Friday night will come through.

🎨 I think I have decided to start selling some of my art. I may start with a couple of my old pieces just to see how it feels and make some more space. I may just make some new things for it. Might even try some commissions (as I have had a couple people allude interest in this to me recently). I’ll post some things here if I do move forward with a plan.

✈️ I currently have a couple of trips planned in the next few months. The thoughts around our move may change/delay those plans, but it will be good for some next travel adventures with YD. First we will go to San Diego where I will have the joy of introducing him and some of my besties and the *experience* of introducing him to my family. But he’s taking me to Amsterdam as a treat the month following. Will be my first time to Europe!

🌍 So much about the world really does seem so shitty now, but disconnecting more and more from the internet really has made it so much easier to remember all of the beauty and magic in the world. Being grounded and in touch with material, especially natural material, is so filling and freeing.

Help! I have not really loved a single book that I’ve read yet this year. Some are interesting but not well written. Some are well written but not that interesting. Most of them just felt flat in some way.

🏠 I have officially moved in with YD! Moved all of my things yesterday after packing all of my things in 4.5 days. Thankfully it all went very smoothly, even though the rain yesterday was a bit of a nusiance.

😴 I’ve been sleeping very well since my job has been over, but last night finally sleeping in my own bed (I love this mattress!) in my new home was probably the best I’ve slept in years. Bless.

📦 I’m not feeling in a big rush to unpack, but I’ll probably get started today. I’m so excited to start settling in and that I have the capacity to really make this place feel good and right for both of us.

🎴 YD and I hosted a little informal Lunar New Year gathering with some friends on Tuesday that was so lovely and sweet and perfect. We ate Korean snacks (from YD’s mom) and Asian bakery treats, YD made drinks, and we played with tarot to share about our lives going into the fire horse year. It left me feeling so loved, so grateful, so inspired, and so sure I am on the right path for me (finally after so many years of suffering through things that were never quite right). I love this life we’re all building together.

📑 YD and I are also a few steps closer to our legal entanglement! Picked up our marriage license last week and now on our final steps of drafting our prenup. I really never imagined I would get married for most of my life, but I’m so excited for our commitments to all that we’re building to be formalized and legally protected.

☃️ I’m so excited for another big snowstorm coming tomorrow and Monday!

🙃 My colleagues decided to throw me a going away thing on Tuesday. Which is nice in theory except now I have to stay at least an hour later at my office than I like to spend time with all of the people I really will not miss. I cannot wait until next week is over and I am done.

📦 Moving day is officially set with the movers booked! I’m so excited that all of my things will be here soon and I can turn my attention to making our home just the way we both want it to be. I miss my art a lot, in particular, and can’t wait to cover my bedroom walls in it here.

📚 It’s been a little bit of a slow time for reading lately. I really look forward to at least a few rest days in a row once I get done with my job and moving. YD is actually on a work trip in March will be very good timing for alone time with a lot of time for reading through my current giant stack of library books.

🫣 My (bio)family still doesn’t know about any of these big changes in my life. I vacillate all of the time on if I think I want to share things with them or not. I do not think they are bad people but they are not safe people to me.

🔗 I am beginning to work diligently creating bridges between all of the close people in my life to help connect them and empower them to build their own relationships with each other. It is deeply important to me in building the kind community I want to live in. The collectiveness and the autonomy at the core of relationship anarchy. It brings me joy to see people I love come to love and care for one another in the ways that feel authentic to them.

🙂‍↔️ I’ve been so happy all day not thinking about my job! And I got to talk to another close friend for the first time since I officially quit and it was so fun to have him be so happy for me. I’m so glad to be surrounded by people now who really see me and support me. I am so excited that soon I will have so much more time and energy to pour into loving and supporting my friends.

(😤 Two more weeks!!)

🎹 This weekend, neighbor bestie had a music recital (that her and her hobby chamber group all performed at) to celebrate her birthday. It was so cute and perfect and magical. I baked a (vegan) turmeric cake that was praised. Every person there was so present and joyous and full of love.

🥞 There are still plans on my calendar to visit a friend for brunch tomorrow, but I am fairly sure they will be cancelled. But still playing it by ear for now because I really would like to see my friend if it’s not a terrible idea to go outside.

🏠 I still need to spend some time in my own apartment to pack and there will be movers to hire for some furniture relocation, but I am no longer planning to be living there! No more sleepovers with YD, because this is home now (though more officially will be home March 1st (with a friend taking over my current lease)). I’ve never felt so at home anywhere before. I am so so happy here.

⏳ This week has been SO fucking long. I can’t believe it was only five days ago that I had 15 tubes of my blood taken and three days ago that I had a total meltdown after a meeting ran to 6pm at work. Actually unsure how I am going to make it through three more weeks of work with my sanity in tact (and perhaps I won’t lol). But! So so SO glad there are only three more weeks until I am done forever!