Life

Smoking reminded me of him, and when he convinced me to try just one cigarette as we waited in line to see Brand New. But then it reminded me of earlier this year, when he gave up on me, and I lost the only person that ever knew a real thing about me. I should listen to Brand New right now. I wonder if he still thinks I’m the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. If he saw me now he would probably say “I told you so”. I gave him the world and all he gave me was a smoking habit. For that reason I don’t think I could give up smoking, it was the only thing I had left of him. I couldn’t blame him. I couldn’t be mad I was too much for him when I was too much for myself even. When he gave up on me I gave up on myself too.

I tried everything I could to get over him. I went out with friends at night, I climbed mountains during the day, I learned how to play the guitar and I sang sad songs that described exactly the heart break I was feeling. I went for long walks alone, watched the sun set and picked beautiful flowers. I did so many beautiful things to get over him but they ended up making me wish he was there to see them with me. I tried so hard only to let it get taken away by seeing his colour of brown eyes on another boy sitting beside me in a traffic jam on a Thursday evening. And I never thought people were telling the truth when they said you will love your first love forever… now I believe it.

“Some things can only be learned by faith” - Dallin H. Oaks