My name is JOA

I think I’m in love—

and for once, I’m not confused.

I tried to change it;

I confessed.

But she gently refused.

She said what we have

is already genuine.

So I stayed.

Now I’m in the living room,

crying while writing this,

music playing in the background.

It hurts so bad,

and it feels so new.

This feeling is a stranger to me

as if I never really knew

what kind of love

I was searching for.

Yet somehow, I feel alive.

I know this remains platonic,

but what I feel is real.

She feels like the ocean:

deep, quiet, endless.

And I just want to see

more of her.

Maybe this is how

true friendship exists.

Maybe I’ll learn

to change my perspective

to simply be her person;

someone who holds

a small, gentle space

in her heart.

I’m not asking for more;

I’m not trying to change anything.

Maybe this frustration

will fade someday,

when my heart finds someone else.

But for now,

this is where I am.

Maybe some love

is meant to exist

I wondered, night after night, what kind of life I had been dreaming of.

A life so warm, so gentle yet all I ever did was romanticize what never existed.

I kept imagining moments I never had, memories that were never mine.

And somewhere in between, I realized I was crying alone, lost inside a life I only daydreamed.

I wanted it so badly, but this nightmare never seemed to end.

Even when I woke up, I was still walking toward something unknown.

I needed a shoulder to cry on desperately yet no tears would fall.

What happened to the home I built inside my mind?

The life I longed for collapsed so easily, because it was never real just an illusion I chose to believe.

Then, like a miracle, we crossed paths and I found you.

For once, I prayed for better days, for a future that finally felt real.

But suddenly… you were gone. Not just your voice but your existence, erased without a trace.

Now I dream again, but this time, I feel nothing.

Only numbness where love once tried to live.

So I end this like my favorite story where love was beautiful, but doomed from the start.

PARAISO SOLO VERSION OF ( マリウス葉) MARIUS YO