My Festering Cesspool

Search each of the following words and choose the first (non ad) that comes up: fashion, Pantone, mood, food.

Very rarely on Pinterest anymore but they know me, sort of. I’ve looked at this dress online, I’m too big to be one color, mood was pretty much my day. Food is off looks good but not GF.

It’s not a great show, but it is very good. It might be a little too self aware, but it’s still a delight.

if you were a hardcore band I would probably listen to you

-slimybeth shares her inner thoughts-

I just got remarried this summer after single parenting it for 8 years. At dinner tonight I asked my husband, “Have you watched Battlestar Galactica? I can’t remember.”

He laughed and was like “I did a capstone paper on it for one of my college classes.” 😍

So we are settling in for a rewatch.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Good luck.

Yikes so I guess no one was wearing masks (like we agreed on since our child is not vaccinated). It’s totally cool that you had a 100 person wedding during a pandemic even though you are both in your mid/late 40s, have children from previous relationships, and own a home together. Not like you are 19 and saving yourself for marriage.

Oh you took his name, neat. But your son has/shares your birth name. Interesting choice.

So let me get this straight, you told people to take home the centerpieces from your wedding but then you posted on FB that the vases were rented and could people please return them.

Maybe if you all had a hobby other than watching TV my ex sister-in-law wouldn’t be hanging out with me, having dinner with me, (since she is in town for the wedding), and asking about fun things to do in town.

Ex-husband, you chose to have a weeks worth of stubble on your face while you wore a tux, that’s a choice.

New wife, is the reason you posted on fb that no one should post any pix of your wedding because you know you were not in compliance of the mask mandate?

New wife, it seems like you love organizing every aspect of my ex’s life since he is not capable of that. It wears real thin, real fast, just FYI.

I hope he doesn’t tell you ten years in that he never loved you. Cause that shit sticks with a person.

I’ve always been of the mindset that I’m getting better with age. I remember being skeptical of anyone who told me high school was so great, or college was the best. I wondered what the point of life was if we peaked from age 15-22. The problem is at 15-22 you think you have to be good at something. This is a lie, the truth is you need 10-15 years to start to get good at anything. I’m just getting good at teaching, I’m just getting good at being a parent, I’m just getting good at figuring things out. It takes time to know what you don’t know. Sure there were flashes of brilliance when I was younger and a few good ideas but it's taken time and work to really be proficient.

I know the “beauty” standard for women is laughable at any age. At 40, I wouldn’t say I love how I look but I’ve made peace with it. This is not a compliment grab, I am midwestern adequate and that's ok. My hair will never look as good as I think it should unless I put more money or time into it, and I am not willing to do those things. I had to buy the next size up pants this year, but so what? I’m allowed to take up space.

Here is where I am at:

I know who I want in my life.

I love being in relationships with vulnerable, flawed friends who talk openly about loss, failure, and mood altering pharmaceuticals that make them functional. Friends who are committed to being anti racist and push me to do the work. I’m honored to know imperfect parents trying to figure shit out. I still dream about running away, living somewhere else but also see the value in staying put and building a life and community where I am. I know that “there” is no better than here, it's just different.

I am my best friend.

I am my most important relationship. I’m responsible for my own life, health, and happiness. I don’t listen to the “shoulds” anymore. It's not my job to be pleasing or to please anyone other than myself.

I like that I am taken seriously.

In meetings I am no longer the kid with the radical ideas, now I’m the adult with the radical ideas. When I go to buy a major appliance/fill out government paperwork/talk to a repair person I don’t feel as much like an imposter as I used to.

I like that I cry.

I cry when I see generosity, gratitude, compassion, excellence, and second chances. I know one of my core values is inclusion. When I hear about someone being welcomed, heard, and valued, I cry everytime. I’m looking at you Storycorps, Humans of New York, and that arts segment at 6:54am on Morning Edition.

Me: Do you remember watching Mary Poppins when you were a little kid?

D: No.

Me: You used to watch it with Grandma.

D That sounds right. 

Me: That guy wrote and played the role of Hamilton. 

D: What? Are you serious?

D: England?I thought they were in London!

Me:So they are behind on their mortgage and could loose the house.

D: I know how mortgages work.

D: Is that a thing just letting little kids go out alone? Wait is Mary Poppins magical?

D (bathtub scene) There is no way you would go down that fast in the water!

Me: (enter Dick Van Dyke) So this guy was in the first Mary Poppins and he is going to dance in a minute.

D: Is he going to do ‘Thriller’?