questioning all my life choices

in another episode of what tiktok exposed me to without my consent - rita ora apparently used liam paynes voice/recording for their duet'd song. which like. go off, i guess. but the visceral immediate no when it came on my FYP. i haven't been able to listen to a one direction song (and i had gotten back in to the band, like, the enjoyment i had over last summer rocking to 1d in my 20s - insane) since i heard the news. i actually only recently was able to listen to a couple of songs of harry's solo music. i haven't even been able to handle anyone elses. and then that????

listen. i didn’t watch the episode - and still tommy being around gives me hella ick - but i stg kenneth posted a tiktok and i don’t think it was a throwback which makes me question everything

……i have unintentionally curated a playlist that is so buck….and dare i say, buddie/buck-pining-in-believed-to-be-unrequited-love and….it slaps if i’m honest

so. i have a thing for like....an otp being with others in like, the same fic/media forms. and there's something about it that squicks me out - and sometimes its okay as a plot device if its like, super minor and honestly there's got to normally be a guilt and angst up in there...but when i tell you i physically cringe at the tommy/buck stuff. and like, no shade if that's your preference, i just cant do it and that's true for every fandom, every pairing i like - if i was talking about literally any of them itd be the same but its just been like, under a microscope with my hyperfixation dive back into 911

so unfortunately tiktok has roped me into the buddie thing again and like. i literally can’t with buck sleeping with you know who in eddies house. im appalled on eddies behalf.

in other words if spotify wrapped doesn’t get released soon i’m either going to crash out or I’ll be switching to apple music

me, about to have a d1 crashout: i think a piercing would fix me though. maybe two