in monster world they have berries and cream but they call it SCARIES and SCREAM. one of many interesting little cultural differences

So often, the story of Pandora’s Box characterizes Hope as a sort of silver lining or consolation prize for mankind to cling to after all the other great terrors of the world were unleashed upon us when instead, it could just as easily be seen as the greatest and worst and most awful Evil of them all. This is what it means to be a Philadelphia sports fan.

don’t date. a sports team can also let you down for the rest of your life and doesn’t move into your house.

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

EVERYONE. GET MORE IN LOVE WITH YOUR FRIENDS NOW. FRIENDSHIP IS ALL WE HAVE ON THIS MISERABLE BALL OF DIRT FLOATING THROUGH SPACE. TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU LOVE THEM!!!!!

What if water didn't have surface tension and whenever you spilled some, the whole floor of your entire apartment was covered in a 2 micrometer deep puddle

you've taught me to count blessings I didn't know were mine

if you’re reading this, i’m putting a thought out into the world for you. a hope that whatever’s worrying you works out in your favor, that a happy moment comes your way, and that you have a heartwarming reason to smile tonight

i spot a plus size honey across the bar and start to chat her up until her bisexual boyfriend with a magic the gathering tattoo comes over and starts yelling at me so i turn him sideways so he can't make another action until his next turn

i will destroy Alex.

"What's up, big dog; I'm ratsmacker" is going to live rent free in my head for a little while

DID IT WORK THOUGH.

his wife has filled THEIR house with ANTIQUES. to AVOID DAMAGING HER VALUABLES i fuck him on the floor

"why do you still bring up charlie kirk" because it's funny. his death is genuinely a running joke to me. you could say it's the greatest contribution he has made to society

Unironically I think the early to mid 20s age group in America has unbelievably bad consent boundaries on all levels and so much language to defend it but this makes me sound like elon musk if I say it however the commonality of someone who will be like “I had 47 panic attacks and it’s your fault” if you tell them no is insane

I rejected someone and got called “the scariest person I’ve ever met” with so much therapy speak interspersed like alright okay alright okay alright okay

“You just say whatever you’re thinking and I don’t know how to handle it” was verbatim part of this conversation. Also everyone hates to see an autistic bitch