d i a n i m a l s

Octopi have three hearts: “the better to love you with, my dear.”

Watch out, Blue Man Group—mosquitos are drawn to blue more than any other color. 

Goats are devils have rectangular pupils, so they can really get the lay of the land. 

Goldfish, like white humans, turn orange in the sun; if they are kept in the dark, they are pasty as fuck.

The snail can nap for up to three years. 

Don't expect these pink monsters to stand straight all of the time—they can only eat when their heads are down. 

You can hear a Howler monkey's holla from 3 miles away! STFU.

The electric eel shocks with up to 550 volts of electricity. Yes, please.

"So don't touch me, cause I'm electric, and if you touch me, you'll get shocked, shocked, shocked...!"—Adrock

Hippos produce their own sunscreen. Good girl.

Male pigs ejaculate for up to 9 minutes. Yikes.

Male Emperor penguins will wait for up to two months in the blistering cold for their mate to return from a meal. Chivalry indeed.

The anteater consumes up to 35,000 insects at a time. Fatty.

A chameleon's tongue is often longer than its body. Mama like.

The Portuguese Man-of-war is made up of multiple animals hanging out, being venomous. Like oceanic Mean Girls.

Koalas have two dongs and two cooters, respectively. Double the fun.

If a lady ferret reaches sexual maturity and fails to mate, she perishes. Bitches be crazy.

Beavers are ornery creatures. Maybe it's because they have to continuously gnaw on wood to sand down their teeth, which would otherwise continue growing right through their little beaver faces. Wamp.