dead girl 2007

mystical

delicate

delightful

i want to be like vespertine

there’s a hidden place in me

i’ll show you if your gentle

and sensitive

cause i am

i’m so sensitive

& sore

but im craving my bruises

pressed again

so i created

pagan poetry

to lure in my pray

to convince them to try to find

within me a

hidden place

i’m leaving my cocoon

to hunt

i’m the hunter

and i’m hungry

it’s not up to you

when i strike

on this frosti night

cause i want to be soft

& delicate

but i feel like a fucking caged animal

can you undo me

release me from this fur

i’m trapped i swear

set me free

treat me like a heirloom

i’m hiding family secrets

deep and old

i’m hiding them within my young and shallow

there’s sun in my mouth

i warn you though

once you entangle with me

i’ll haunt you

like an echo

a stain

it’s my harm of will

i hide in my persona

a princess in distress

aurora

but if you help me

i’ll help you

im sorry you

can’t call me what you want to

why i can’t wear my heart on my sleeve

cause my sleeve would be a tattoo to me

how can i expect to love you

when all my feeling are fleeting

can’t you see

that my eyes aren’t sultry

but clear & trying to be pure

it’s hard with all this pressure

this commercial, capitalist

earn buy sell take

this new style of courtship

i can’t get behind it

talking dating

situationship

you don’t love me

you don’t know me

my favorite color says nothing about me

really

says nothing about what you’re in for

but if you must know

it’s

pink & black

& deers

& fiona apple

& beabadoobee

& its gia, x, broke back mountain, buffalo 66’

cancer libra capricorn

but what does that all mean

my lists of preferences

will you remember

will that change how you treat me

when you ask me for things you’ve earned

that you think you deserve

will you make sure to throw

a movie quote in there?

a song lyric?

doubt it

cause who really cares what i like

objectification is alive and breathing

so go pull a bitch

quantify and qualify

pulling bad bitches one after another

texting talking

kissing and telling

when will we be free

of all this earning buying selling and taking

when will we be free of all this name calling

it’s got me bawling my eyes out

over something so thrown around

so what’s your number

where did you go to middle school

what’s good on tv?

do you like to read?

what are the preferences behind that pretty

face?

un known last name

how can i win you

spend you

use you

show you tell you

expell you

i sit here

feeling the weight of the world

with the words

terrible person

i wish my dad was fat with love for me

but he only seems

to love and respect himself

i have broke the mold

betrayed his vision

he knows me

so he wants to disown me

i’m no good

like a classroom chair

ready to break

with the weight of a back

bmi to high

i shoot for the sky

when i picture myself

modelesque

would he love me

if i lost some weight

ignored my plate

would he love me if i was almost gone

one foot out the door

would he humor me

if my hair started running away

so i wish my dad was fat with love

instead of my image in the mirror

cause even if it was true

at least it’d be clear

that i’m not so worthless

not so unlovable

picture me

i’m layla, wendy

like my mother

like my face

picture me

i’m singing praises for a guy who doesn’t even know my last name

picture me

i’m rooting for the wrong football team

by mistake

picture me

i’m telling lies

keeping sweet

picture me

a vegetarian forcing down meat

picture me

a bad dog

a punished boy

picture me

i’m all the things you forgot

ignored

lost

picture me

i’m a dirty window

a foggy 4pm day

picture me

i’m a pushover

with a smart ass mouth

picture me

i wish you understood

what it’s like

to live my life

i mystify you

apparently

i wish i was real

cause sometimes it gets hard

being so far away

you say im funny

i don’t mean to be

don’t you understand

im just being me 

you say im silly

but im just telling you

i wish i got through

i wish i was real

cause sometimes it gets hard being so far away

i stay up all night

cause i don’t feel alright

with being tied down to earth

i feel like a unicorn

i swear i wasn’t born

your fantasy can it be me?

i wish i was real

cause sometimes it gets hard

because she’s a whore

reasoning shakily

it’s my fault

i’m a whore

who doesn’t enjoy

i’m fat on tasteless food

i’m hanging from a fruitless tree

i’m a whore

but i make no money

i pimp myself out

i’m my own bottom bitch

it’s what you have to do

when you can’t trust anyone but you

i’m a whore

cause i led you on

i let you carve your initials into my trunk

i am no giving tree

no patron saint

i’m not madonna

IM A WHORE

i’m a catholic whore

a tired bore

i joke to conceal

how deeply i’m cut

by pocket knife collections

dust collecting

i’m a whore

cause i had to go

i’m a whore

cause he hurt me

and i got mad

punched a hole in the wall

of his heart

so now i’m a whore

not atomically correct

but beating red

with anger and envy

wish you could cure me

of my whore ways

but you can’t

it’s biology

it’s in my genes

dna

it’s in my cunt

my hair

my hips

my tits

when i look at you

i see through you

and we both know

i’d never do this to you

what kind of woman does this make you

what kind of person does this make you

i am your daughter

sister

friend

i’m your child

i’m a person

a woman

i am nothing at all

don’t step on me

don’t insult me

i’m in relation to you so deep

i am your daughter don’t abuse me

how can you act like this

so un attractive

you have a mother

grandmother

sisters

friends

how dare you

how dare you not see me

not ask me

not listen to me

how dare you not care

how dare you care

i didn’t hurt you

i can’t do this once more

these flings

line up infront of me

i can’t do this again

burned out

rubbed into the concrete

i don’t wanna be a cigarette

i can’t handle another month long

loveless nothing

i wish that i could have my first love again

hold hands again

feel free again

i’d even like to fuck it up again

heart break again

be ignored again

friends to lovers again

first time i love you again

i need to need again

want yearn

crave

like you do for your cigarettes

so i’m breaking your heart

it’ll happen again

some other girl

i swear it’ll repeat again

i’ll get replaced again

your approach to love is so sterile

so hospital

slowly killing you

your lungs are turning black

and your loveless meaningless touch

rots your mind & your couch

your bed

i’ve never wanted someone in such a classic way

picnic dates, field days

take you out to dinner

i’m writing poetry about you

when i speak

you make my knees weak

all of me actually

but there’s nothing classic about us

would you dance for me

like you do with the guys

lift you in the air

spin you around

i’d

get strong for you i swear

can’t we be together