crazyblues

Not like she could anyways. Maybe this time she had gone too far.

The tent door opens letting the cold breeze flow in and hit her cheeks, making her aware of the wetness under her eyes. She hadn’t even realised she’d been crying.

“No one knows what to do.”

It’s Bellamy she realises, furiously rubbing at her tears before turning around to meet his eyes. They’re darker than usual and pierce straight through her. She has to look away, focusing on a spot near the ground instead.

“What to do?”

“With you, Clarke.”

That grabs her attention and she looks up fiercely herself, taking a few steps back.

“You’re running around making decisions which affect all of us. You’re putting all our lives in danger without even discussing it with us, as if we’re in a dictatorship.” Bellamy can barely get the words out, moving towards her.

She can’t remember the last time they disagreed on something.

How to deal with Jaspers betrayal maybe? But even then, he’d had her back. She always counted on Bellamy to have her back.

“We are not on the ark. We do not take orders in fear and let people dictate how we live our lives or how and when we die.” The words pierced through her. She knew all too well how the rules of the arc could break people. How they could tear families apart as they ripped the air out of their loved one’s lungs. Her own fathers -

“It’s not like that.” She bit back but she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Making wet paths down her cheeks which showed her for who she really was. A tired 19 year old girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders, “decisions have to be made! People have to die that’s what war is!”

She knows the words are true. War is cold. It makes you a monster. She can still see the faces in that dining room. She still wakes up screaming from those nightmares. But in that moment in mount weather she made her choice - she choose her people over her own humanity and she has to live as that monster forever now.

But Bellamy doesn’t see it that way.

His hand reaches out and touches the wet trail for a second before she sees him reconsider, take it away and pretend that the fleeting moment never happened. He doesn’t want to be showing weakness.

She knows that they sent him in to talk her down. Why Bellamy she wondered. Why not her mum or Jaha or Raven?

But she knew really, deep down.

If she was going to listen to anyone it would be him.

“You’re making a mistake. I’ve made decisions in the past that have cost me…” He laughed solemnly, black eyes looking up and away from her, “The things I did to save you… I lost my baby sister. She wants nothing to do with me.”

“Then you shouldn’t have saved me!” She practically screamed it but her voice broke, “You should have let me die. You should have chosen Octavia!”

Angry wouldn’t describe it. The way his face changed to thunder and looked at her.

“I chose you Clarke. I chose you, and you’re alive and here. Now you do something for me. You back down.” His voice was calm, steady. But she couldn’t tell he was holding back, “Don’t let my decision to save you, cost me everything.”

The gates opened at that moment. Clarke Griffon, master at keeping herself together; lost it. Her hands flew to her face as the tears started streaming down it, not like before. Not quiet and tame but furious, unashamed.

She gasped her air above her cries, her hands furiously whipping at her water works. She didn’t want to cry, this wasn’t her. But she couldn’t stop it.

And then Bellamy gave in. Her walked towards her, tried to put his arms around her, tried to calm her down but she wasn’t having it. She broke free, shaking.

“What am I meant to do Bellamy?? What do you want me to do?” Her people were outside her tent. Furious as they may be at her plan of action, something still needed to be done. They still looked to her and Clarke had nothing else.

“Hey!” Bellamy shouted, “We’ll work this out together!”

His hands found her face, cupped it and this time he wiped away the tears without care.

“You and me. We will find out a way together. You don’t have to do this alone, Clarke.”

Her eyes looked up, and stared at him, locked into his eyes. And in that moment, she’s not sure what happened - but it was Bellamy she was looking at… And it wasn’t.

Her wet blue eyes stared into his and wondered what the hell he was thinking, before they finally fell and looked down and caught sight of his mouth.

And that was it. Suddenly his mouth was on hers and she didn’t have time to think. Instinct took over.

His hands grabbed her neck, pulled her closer. The other touched her waist. Bellamy’s hands, she thought. But it didn’t stop her from touching him too, grabbing at his shirt in front of her with both hands, pulling him in and kissing him.

It was wet and it was broken but… It didn’t feel wrong.

He pushed her onto the table, and they broke apart for a second. Stared at each other again. She wondered what he was thinking again.

A small smile fell on his face before he leaned back in and it made her want to smile herself. Before,

“Clarke?”

Her mum’s voice broke them apart. He practically jumped off her, and his hand went up to wipe the wetness of her tears smudged on his face.

She tried to compose herself too before the tent door flew open again.

Abby stood at the doorway and looked between them,

“Well?” She finally asked and Clarke moved towards her.

Noticing the tears, Abby opened her arms and pulled Clarke into them.

“We’ll find another way.” Clarke whispered into her mums ear, as she held onto the hug for dear life.

She watched as Bellamy ducked out the tent.

He looked towards her for just a moment before leaving. Eyes heavy, expression unreadable.

Bellarke AU

If other universes exist I hope we’re happy somewhere. That there are universes where history doesn’t pull us apart and we become a tragic story full of sorrow and regret, ones where we don’t become our own undoing that only history would remember us for. I know in this story we could never belong to each other, but if there is another universe, another story, another us I hope we can love each other until our dying day.

Me: I can pinpoint the exact moment I started to love him.