My Brain On Addy

Checking in mid day while waiting for my girlfriend in the fitting room.

Woof this weekend has been good.

I notably drank less than I normally would at this family reunion. I know I ate mooore than enough, but I didn’t shovel everything and even split a plate with my partner - I did make up for it with cake though. But cmon, I haven’t had my aunts pistachio cake in like, a decade.

That said, I mentioned to my partner that my brain does actively feel a little bit different now. Not that everything’s fixed, but I am definitely able to reflect on some obsessive thoughts from last year and consider how my brain worked through them.

I’m happier. I’m looking at my partner more favorably - maaaybe because I’m no longer shadow boxing 6 heated conversations at once all the time. I don’t know. But I like this feeling.

I am drinking a few cup of cold brew today . I’d been avoiding caffeine this last week (well , in my way) . Still halfway through , hopefully it will be fine. I’ll let you know if not.

1AM and I’m settling into bed after long day of travel and prep for that.

Today was pretty good. I made a to-do list on paper and attached it to our corkboard full of future plans. The only real hurdle was figuring out what task to do first , but I was able to pick a task and see it to the end , checking back to the list after each completion to mark each item.

Not much else to report. I was still pretty capable of redirecting thoughts today. And , tbh, the things I was ruminating on barely crossed my mental space.

I say that, but I diiid speak to the psychiatrist today. I think she’s not as bad as I originally thought. However, I am still concerned about her general practice… idk , I’ll get into that later.

The good news is - less food noise. I think I read so much about the effect on appetite, that I thought often about eating, but wasn’t as snackish during the day. However, that did not stop me from absolutely enjoying movie theater snacks.

Maybe less elated today, brain still more clear though. I had a fairly solid focus day at work and also got good feedback on things from my colleagues. I did accidentally sing louder than expected in the office while rounding a corner, and moved a bit today. I’ve always been like that though.

It is 9:20AM and I have not had my day 3 dose yet!

So I didn’t forget to make notes yesterday, just went to bed EARLY! Like , early early. I think we were in bed at 11:45? I fell asleep by 1 I think.

I don’t think getting up was any better than usual. I did wake up a little late, and looked for clothes for , uh, way too long. But this seems normal for me? My coping mechanism for that is to have clothes laid out ahead of time.

Some fun insights - I made it though the entire work day and through the 3 hour drawing class (6:30-9:30pm) we’ve been in without feeling really tired at all. Dinner afterwards too.

I’m not sure that I felt too elated yesterday? Day one was very euphoric. Day two felt fine. No really intrusive thoughts - or at least they didn’t linger the same way.

Anyway, the purpose of this one is to just keep a log of how Adderall or “Amphetamine Salts” are working for me. Hope this helps

TLDR: day one rocked