Friday, I'm a Mom. @my13thfriday - Tumblr Blog

Today, I was referred to as The Meanest of my sibs, and therefore could attack and injure someone, basically on a whim. No basis for it, except that he has absorbed the venom that my sister spews. Why do people Insist on assuming the worst of me- with Zero evidence that I Am mean, or capable of harming others for any reason- or no reason. I don’t have the energy to keep trying to prove that Im worthy of being seen in a Positive way First. Im tired in a very deep, spiritual level. What if treating me like a villain- believing and sharing the belief with others- that I am worthy of their venom- fulfills a greater need within them? Some need that helps them in their own journey. Maybe My purpose on this earth is to be the target and to recieve their hate. I have things to do, today,so I need to not cry over this. I need to package my hurt feelings up with a bow, and go pretend. I am painting the fence, again.

#everyonehasapurpose #easy to hate #behindthewhitepicketfence #mean people suck

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8 years of loyalty, consistency, dedication- erased. But it’s my own fault. Ffs, what is it about me that makes people decide I am just too Inconvenient to Bother.

In the dark- sitting with my Lila, as she goes through the process toward dying. I’ve known it would come to this- and she’s really hanging in…. But I am torn apart inside, anyhow. I still hold a tiny candle of hope that she will rally, and start to recover. But it’s realistically, not very realistic.

I’m spending my insomnia moments- awake and anxiety intense, despite taking the pill the docs said is an anti anxiety pill that will make me sleep…. - thinking what my future dementia will be like. I think it’s safe to say I’ll swear too much. Will I remember my boys? Will I inhabit times in my past? Will I find myself trapped in moments of child abuse, laying on the floor, face to carpet, engaged in self loathing, and bracing for blows that- hopefully- no one doles out upon a feeble old lady- and remain firmly in a memory. What are the chances that, as my memory fails, those memories will be deleted? That maybe, someday, I can finally be free of those shadows.

Based on the footprints from being walked all over, im thinkin its time to change my name to Mat.

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trumpetangst

When the conductor tells someone to note something, they don’t mark it on their part and then they mess up that thing in the concert

traitspourtraits

musictheoryaugmented

When I overhear an obvious non-musician masquerading as a musician in an effort to impress a prospective romantic partner

pagewoman

Butterflies

by Phillip Millns

I have no idea what Im doing, or why Im doing it. Which is a statement that applies to basically every single thing.

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Headache since Friday....

riceisholy

reminder: it’s ok to feel lost

the13thchair

“Why don’t you play some Christmas songs for us on your clarinet?”

“No Grandma.“

"Come on. It will be nice for the family.”

“No it won’t."

"Why not.”

“I play Euphonium."

"What the sam hell is a Euphiniumumm?”

“I love you Grandma.”

the13thchair

BAND NERDS POETRY

Get the BAND NERDS BOOKS SERIES! Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and iBookstore for iPad!

www.the13thchair.com

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doing-it-for-debussy

a compilation of some of my favourite composer quotes:

“Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.” - Igor Stravinsky

“I am sure my music has a taste of codfish in it.” - Edvard Grieg

“Never look at the trombones. It only encourages them.” - Richard Strauss

“He’d be better off shovelling snow than scribbling on manuscript paper.” - Richard Strauss on Schoenberg

“I liked your opera. I think I will set it to music.” - Ludvig van Beethoven

“I have written a chorale both sober and suitable. In it I have put everything I know about boredom. I dedicate this to those who do not like me.” - Erik Satie

“ Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.” - Gioacchino Rossini

“What a good thing this isn’t music.” - Gioacchino Rossini on Berlioz’s Symphonie Fantastique

“Oh how wonderful, really wonderful opera would be if there were no singers!” - Gioacchino Rossini

“In opera there is always too much singing.” - Claude Debussy

“Bring me coffee before I turn into a goat!” - Johann Sebastian Bach

“Listening to the 5th Symphony of Ralph Vaughan Williams is like staring at a cow for 45 minutes.” - Aaron Copland

“The audience expected something big, something colossal, but they were served instead with some agitated water in a saucer.” - Louis Schnieder on Debussy’s La Mer

“He gives me the impression of being a spoilt child.” - Clara Schumann on Liszt

“What a giftless bastard!” - Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky on Brahms

“Handel is only fourth rate. He is not even interesting.” - Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

“Bach on the wrong notes” - Sergei Prokofiev on Stravinsky

And, saving the best for last…

“Lick my ass up and down” -Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Feel free to add more! (Also please don’t think that I agree with all of these, I am a huge fan of Symphonie Fantastique and La Mer!!)

It's so quiet here, all alone. For years we all just were here together. And now, I'm alone. In the silence.

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