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@my110lblife
i was at my goal weight for over 2 years, but i checked myself into rehab recently and gained a LOT (not sure how much, but i think i’m probably around 58 kg rn). and this morning i relapsed and used heroin again, so you could say i’m in the worst place i could be rn. but i’m gonna try again. my priorities, in order:
1. not do opiates (starting april 21, 2024)
2. go back to 50 kg
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As soon as September hits the eating disorder starts disordering like it’s supposed to every year. Anyone else feel the same way
thinspo in my style(s)
Thinspo dump because I overate on my birthday and now I'm super motivated to fast again.
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"I want to be as beautiful as the ocean"
i've been loosing motivation lately so here's some thinspo 💌
i’m struggling so much, you guys don’t even know. i’m binging every single day, throughout almost all of september now. definitely gained. and what’s made even worse is that tmr is my birthday (and last week was my mom’s birthday) and every year, despite me BEGGING her not to make too much food, she gets several cakes and takes me to dine out several days of the week and fills up the kitchen with breakfast foods and orders takeout every time she can. for at least 2 weeks straight, cause she connects our birthdays like it’s just one huge celebration. i mean i get that she means well but i hate it, i hate my birthday because of it. every single year i gain so much weight around this time and i binge so hard that i don’t think i’ve ever had a birthday in which i didn’t get sick from eating too much (not bulimia, i’ve never tried to vomit on purpose, i would hate that, just genuinely sick like food poisoning or smth)
today i binged. i’m 4 hours into my fast now, and i’ll keep at it for as long as i can. i’m gonna take a long shower exfoliating and stuff cause i find it easier to forget ab food when im feeling my best in terms of yk being clean and well groomed.. lets see
i have to remember that the first 24 h of dieting are always the hardest, and persevere despite of that
(i was 56 kg this morning, after having binged pretty hard last night too)
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hey, let it be documented that in september 4th 2023 i decided to lose weight again. it’s only 5 kg, so it shouldn’t take me longer than a couple of months; i should be at my gw (50 kg / 110 lbs) by november.
i had lost all that weight last year and spent about a year in a body i was extremely comfortable with, but i’ve been gaining for a few months now because of health issues that sort of prevented me from restrictive dieting (i mean, i could, but i chose not to so i could focus on getting better). i had a few utis that eventually led to acute glomerulonephritis and, on top of that, i got a skin infection on my abdomen from getting poked with a dirty needle. i’m still in treatment for both of those problems and that’s my top priority so i’ll go easy on myself.
okay, that’s cause i thought i was weighting 55 kg, but the other day i miraculously wasn’t swollen (from my kidney problems) when i checked and it said i was 53.5. i’m not gonna trust that, though.
i’ve been eating very little since then, but today i binged. it’s currently almost 9 pm and i’ll mark that out as my last meal of the day, and i’ll do very well this weekend to make up for it. i’ll be writing down my meals here (no sugar, more protein than carbs, calorie deficit, less salt, plenty of water), and hopefully that way i’ll feel more like myself by monday.
hey, let it be documented that in september 4th 2023 i decided to lose weight again. it’s only 5 kg, so it shouldn’t take me longer than a couple of months; i should be at my gw (50 kg / 110 lbs) by november.
i had lost all that weight last year and spent about a year in a body i was extremely comfortable with, but i’ve been gaining for a few months now because of health issues that sort of prevented me from restrictive dieting (i mean, i could, but i chose not to so i could focus on getting better). i had a few utis that eventually led to acute glomerulonephritis and, on top of that, i got a skin infection on my abdomen from getting poked with a dirty needle. i’m still in treatment for both of those problems and that’s my top priority so i’ll go easy on myself.
i finished eating at around 3 pm, it’s 5:30 rn, and i just wanted to say i’m gonna get back on track. i might eat something again tonight, because i’ve been binging non stop for the last few days and the first day back on track can be really hard and i don’t wanna push myself too much and end up binging again, but today will still be a good day. i had a couple of crackers in the morning and then 1/2 cup of chicken breast in cubes and a big plate of plain cabbage, and if i do have dinner it’s gonna be something like that. and tomorrow i’ll do much better, i won’t eat unless i absolutely have to and if i do it’s gonna be something really low kcal. and then sunday i’ll fast, no matter what. this is me getting back on track. it will work. cause i deserve it, i deserve to be the best version of myself, i owe it to myself, and i won’t be one of those people who say they’ll “get to it eventually” and then never do
good bye summer 💋
i hate myself so much, my mom had me buy 2 cakes for our birthday that’s coming up but then she was like eh whatever let’s eat it before then so i did and i binged yesterday AND today, i’ve had 4 (very thin) slices and it isn’t even 7 am. i don’t even love sweets i just couldn’t stop myself cause it was right in front of me and i was anxious about my exams (it’s exam week rn). i hope i can CHILL
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<3
i’ll start 2023 with my ugw or d34d💀
