My Watercooler Romance

I am writing this in hopes of helping those who are in my position & to release some things off of my chest. I will not go into detail about my experience. Just posting this to hopefully influence others and help them reach out.

Depression had seemed to be something that fits in the description of myself. Endless nights with no sleep, abuse of drugs and alcohol, anxiety attacks, manic episodes, purging, self-harming: this had been going on since I was 14. I always thought I never wanted anyone to know, but deep down inside I was screaming for help. This horrid, life-controlling battle with depression was getting in the way of my daily life. Whether it were constantly isolating myself or ignoring all of my responsibilities, this horrible disease was ruining myself inside and out. It controlled my eating patterns, my thought process. Although I tried the best I could, everything felt like the end. My grades were dropping, along with the amount of friends I had. I started getting reckless and not caring about anything. Drugs helped me get though another painfully numb day. It was even hard for me to get out of bed to take a shower. I fought this battle silently. I fought this battle alone (or what felt like alone).

I am now 19 and today I finally reached out.

Today ends my lifelong battle with depression. Today, I reached out and finally got help. Today, I overcame the biggest fear of admitting that this was a problem I couldn’t solve on my own. I don’t know if this feeling that is boiling in the pit of my stomach is relief or nerves that have been building up over the years, fearing this moment. Nonetheless, I did it.

Depression is not something you should feel ashamed of. You are not alone in this journey. Your friends and family love you, I love you. Please, join me in getting better. Join me in defeating this demon. Together, we can overcome this and be in control of our lives. We will be happy and we are loved.

End Note: If ANYONE who reads this needs someone to talk to, my inbox is always open. Please spread kind words. Please hug your friends. I am leaving these resources down below for anyone that needs them:

1-800-273-8255 - Suicide Hotline

877-226-3111 - Addiction Hotline

844-228-2962 - Eating Disorder Hotline

877-455-0628 - Self Harm Hotline 

888-640-5174 - Depression Hotline

888-843-4564 - Lesbian/Gay Hotline

 800-646-4673 - Rape and Abuse

Physical pains (sore jaw, old injuries acting up)

tired tired tired tired

Can’t think/can’t stop thinking

Sleeping too much/not enough

Early waking

Can’t make eye contact

Picking or scratching at skin, nails, hair, etc

Forgetful

Sex repulsed or sex obsessed

Lonely in crowds

Unjustified assumptions (my friends all hate me)

Too much/too little food

Everything tastes bland?

Headcolds/the flu out of nowhere

Distancing yourself

Spending too much time in bed

Not showering/brushing teeth/brushing hair/taking care of your body

Not able to do laundry

Not turning in assignments

Forgetting about assignments

Zoning out

Defensive

Danger Days Lyrics || Lockscreens

shy beauty.

MCR Revenge Era moodboard for @spooky-daddy-jim / @spooky-daddyjim