Be My Darling

WENDY:

Wendy couldn’t pull her eyes away from her brothers. Drinking in every second of their presence, sure she had the photos that she would look at all the time but that would never make up for the time she would lose with them.

Even now she didn’t want to let go of Michael’s hand because she was holding onto him like she was the younger sister.

She didn’t want to say goodbye, she didn’t want the day to end, though the setting sun was telling her their time was running short anyway.

But she looked at Jane and Danny, one of them needed to start. Wendy couldn’t say goodbye, not yet she needed as much time as possible.

MICHAEL: 

He couldn’t believe it was really time. It was a bit like when he was a kid, y’know, and you’d been waiting for a trip to the beach for so long that each and every day went excruciatingly slow, and then suddenly all at once– it was here, the day. Not that Michael had looked forward to Elfhame. But maybe, through his will alone, through his blessing, he’d slowed down time enough to enjoy almost all of summer. And now here it was, all blistering and sunset, summer almost all done. And it was time to go.

It was so surreal. It couldn’t be true. But there was the gate, and here was his family. Everyone looked so somber - so nervous. Michael felt that worry in his own heart too.

But Michael didn’t wanna be just another frowning face. And so he was the first to smile gently, giving Wendy’s hand a squeeze as he let it go so he could turn to everyone else.

“Well, looks like the train’s here,” Michael joked, not really sure what else to say. “So ah– well–” his eyes circled round. “I guess we ought to go, sooner rather than later. Right, John?”

John nodded, but didn’t say anything.

Michael nodded, firmer. “Okay then. Well–” and he spread his arms wide. “Let’s get the hugs in then, hm? Janey, you first,” he teased Jane and went straight for her.

JANE:  

Jane didn’t say anything. She just hugged Michael, meeting him halfway. She wrapped her arms around his torso and squeezed him tight. She was glad that her face was basically in the square of his chest, because she didn’t want him to see her cry. 

Jane was not a teary person. Her sadness usually solidified in her chest and hardened into anger, or some other easier emotion.

But now she couldn’t think of anyone to be angry at, except for herself, and she was too old and too tired and had lost too much to feel that.

So sadness it was. She let it.

Michael, though, was smiling. He was making jokes, like he was just about to go on some big press tour or off to another race. He was trying to make them all feel better, one last parting gift. And Jane did her best to accept it. She knew what it was like, after all; she’d just never been as good at making people feel better as Michael. 

She pulled away, looking up at him and did her best to smile too. Michael wasn’t the little boy she remembered, following her and John around the park. He was going to be alright. Jane knew it. She had to believe it, at least. 

“You’ll be a marvelous king. Prince. Whatever it is,” said Jane. She gave him a pat on the shoulder. 

MICHAEL: 

Michael smiled right back.

He wasn’t really sure if he believed Jane. He didn’t know what being a king, or prince, or whatever it was, really entailed. He was going to a foreign land with customs and traditions and a culture he knew nothing about. Mostly, he was going to spend a lot of time asking questions and feeling a fool, he was certain.

But then, he’d always admired Jane for her confidence and determination. Right now, he believed that maybe she’d be right. No– she was going to be right. Because Jane wouldn’t just say somethin’ like that to say it, y’know? That wasn’t the way that she was. He’d think about this moment then, later, when he needed to feel a little of that confidence and determination. That’s what Jane could give him. “Thanks,” he said. “I’m gonna do my best, that’s for sure. And hey– you have fun out there, eh? Exploring the world. Take care of Wendy,” he said, in a quieter voice, though his smile didn’t falter.

Then, after one last hug, he pulled away and turned to… ah. 

Danny. His smile faltered here, if only because he felt that he was failing his cousin, in some ways. Leaving him behind. But then, Dan was lucky to be escaping all this, wasn’t he? 

“Hey, mate,” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “You ah– excited for your trip? You’re gonna have to take lots of pictures and send me drawings and all kinds of things like that.” 

DANNY:Unlike many other times when Danny stood around his family, watching them cry or fight or plot, he didn’t feel…out of place this time. He didn’t feel like he was intruding on something that wasn’t his. This was his family and this was his life. It was magical, not because of the fae, but because his family was brilliant and wonderful and unique. For so long, he had wanted so desperately to be a part of it, only to get to Swynlake and realize that he already was. 

That was what made it hard to say goodbye. He had defined himself by these relationships. He was a Darling, before he was anything else. But who was Danny Darling without Wendy Darling? Without John Darling? Jane Darling? Michael Darling? 

He didn’t know anymore. That person didn’t exist. 

That Danny was going to have to be created. Woven from new strands. Not without John and Michael but in their absence, at least. He didn’t want to have to change without John and Michael, but that wasn’t a choice when you loved someone. 

Despite this newfound sense of belonging, Danny still watched everything quietly, uncertain about how to feel. He was angry and sad and nervous. And he certainly wasn’t good at goodbyes. He’d never, really, had to say them. His father had died far away. Jane had left. Wendy was kidnapped before Danny was born. John had vanished before Danny even really knew him. 

Look at Michael now, his face was already a blur with Danny’s tears. He felt like a little kid, suddenly so young and small, even though he and Michael were basically the same height. Michael was taking all of this on the cuff and Danny just wanted to cry. 

All he could do was nod. And wish he was braver. The kind of brave that let you say goodbye without blubbering and making the person who left feel bad. 

Stepping forwards, he wrapped his arms around Michael, squeezing him tight. Danny had never really thought about what it might be like to have a brother, he was used to the solitude, even with a sister, but now–he thought he kind of knew what it was like and he didn’t want to let it go. 

Eventually, he forced himself to sniffle and step back. “We’ll take care of each other,” he finally managed. “You take care of each other too. And–and we’ll see each other soon.” 

JOHN: 

John was of two minds: make this evening last a lifetime, or rip it off, and disappear. The funny thing was John had gotten used to good-byes. George was always off on this or that business trip. He’d lost Wendy when he was eight. And he’d sent Michael away as soon as he could, turning their relationship into one of phone tag and texts and constant good-byes as Michael skipped from one timezone to the next. At some point, he’d grown rather numb to good-byes then. Good-byes were just part of life’s punctuation, as if to say, well, onto the next thing. 

But here he was, standing, gritting his teeth, feeling insanely guilty and on the verge of tears himself. The good-byes he’d yet to say burned inside him. He did not want to. It felt easier to simply say he was sorry instead. 

But no one wanted to hear John’s apologies, least of all John himself. 

He stepped forward then, putting a hand on Michael’s shoulder briefly when he pulled away from his younger cousin. John met Danny’s eyes as well, and felt shy, and regretful, knowing that he’d never gotten to know Danny as well as he should’ve. In a way, he felt like he was being very selfish, like Danny needed Michael more, and yet here John was, exercising his big brother rights. 

“We will,” he agreed. “And um– I– I do promise… that I’ll take good care of him. And I’ll write often, all about the Fenlands, and how things are going. Maybe– maybe you could even use some of it for your art. If you wanted,” he said to Danny. 

DANNY:Danny’s eyes flicked to John—half hidden behind his shirt sleeve as he wiped at his cheeks, feeling silly and young, looking at his older cousin. Who was still a mystery to him, but who also felt the most like him in some ways. Quiet and scholarly.

He nodded at John, his eyes welling up with tears again, but he pushed them down and away with a swallow. 

“Yeah,” Danny said. “Hey, maybe one day we can even co-publish. The first Elfhame-English picture book.”

It was a joke, more than anything, he figured his cousins would be too busy and too important to waste time on something like that. But, if that was the case, Danny would just do it for the both of them. 

He smiled, and then, before he lost his courage, he stepped up and hugged John briefly. Just one tight, quick squeeze before letting him go and stepping back. 

JOHN: 

It was a joke, but it was a very kind and sweet one. When John laughed lightly, it was not because the idea was ridiculous, but because he liked it very much. He never thought himself very creative, really. His talents were all in the esoteric realm of critical theory– very silly and embarrassing in the grand scheme of things, because nothing John ever wrote would touch someone the way that a comic or picturebook could. He had long envied his cousin for his skill in art because of that.

And so it was a wonderful thing to think, that maybe, with a little help from his family, John might actually make something worth reading– just for fun. “I’d like that, eh? I’ll need something to work on over there,” said John, his voice still light, but he could hope that this joke might become something more– a dream, perhaps. A dream that could come true.

Then he stepped away from his youngest cousin and his eyes found Jane. Ah, Jane. His gaze softened. He had no idea what to say to her. He was going to miss his first mate so much. 

“Well,” he said. “Off to see the world then, are we?” 

JANE:  

Jane had been dreading this moment

The whole thing, really, but this specific moment the most of it all. She looked up at John and she didn't know what to tell him.

It was John she’d known the best in the end, yeah? No use sugarcoating it. Wendy had been a stranger, not even her real cousin till recently. Michael and Danny too young. But John? John was barely a year older than her. She clung to him when they were younger, since they both preferred their books to people, both wanted to stomp in the yard and play pretend every summer. 

The whole reason she'd come to Swynlake was because John had been here first. It had started with Jane and John. 

And it was ending, here, with them. 

These past five years they'd learned to be friends, not just cousins. They'd learned to live with each other's infuriating habits. They bickered about tea. They fought over bigger things, too, but usually about tea. Jane lost him once. She tore through everything to bring him back. And here he was, stepping back into Elfhame, away from her. Well, away from everyone, but also her.

“It'll be a grand adventure,” she said, trying to keep things light. But her voice wobbled, and even though she told herself she was going to be strong about this and she was going to keep it together for Danny and for Michael and for Wendy, for everyone who needed her to be the brave, stalwart, and resilient Jane Darling, she felt something n the back of her throat crack. She felt something in her eye. She felt her heart pinch and squeeze, and then she surged forward and gave John a hug. 

It was quick, but tight, and she squeezed him around the middle.

“If you ever need us,” she said. “We’ll come. Don't be a stubborn prick and not ask for help, okay? If I find out from Michael that you're trying to do something big and impossible all alone, I'll come right back to the Fenlands and whack you.” And then in  a small voice, she added, “Remember, you’re not alone.” 

JOHN: 

This was one goodbye John just did not want to give. Much like Ting-Ting– John just could not bear it.

But he had to. And as they looked at each other for just a second or so of silence, John almost broke too. He wouldn’t have cried. He would have apologized pathetically and then asked Jane to come along too, like he almost had with Ting-Ting, though this ask would be for a completely different reason. It was because of all those past adventures. It was because of their romps through the park. It was because of Captain John and Captain Jane. It was because of their makeshift forts in the Darlings’ nursery, made out of pillows and spare cardboard boxes. It was because of their silly labeled tea system they’d created when they’d lived together. It was because of Napoleon, the dog. 

It won’t be the same without you. There’s no one else I want to explore this new world with more than you. 

He couldn’t say this because he had a feeling if he did, Jane might actually come with him. And that wasn’t fair. They’d had enough adventures, just the two of them. It was time to board different ships. And then Jane smacked into him, squeezing him tight– squeezing all those words right out of his chest so he didn’t have to say them at all. John was grateful. He put his arms around her and squeezed her back, nodded short and tight to her demand. Then the hug was over, everything left unsaid, but that was better. “Don’t worry. It’s going to be very boring, I think. I’m going to be sorting through old records and helping Michael work out some maths when it comes to tariffs and things like that,” said John, mouth twitching. “It’s all the tedium of helping a kingdom and none of the fun. Promise. I’d not dare have any of that without you.” 

And now there was only one good-bye left, the hardest good-bye of all, a good-bye so great and heavy that John wanted to turn all the way around and walk into the gate, pretend that he didn’t have to do it at all.

But Michael’s hand touched John’s shoulder, and that was right– he wasn’t doing this alone, just like Jane said.

The two Darling boys turned to their elder sister. 

“Hey, Wendy,” Michael said softly. “Looks like it’s almost time to go.” 

WENDY:

Wendy had never said a lot of goodbyes, her life with her brothers had been moments of passing one another. Michael and John as they left Elfhame the first time, John into the Mara tree as she was tossed out. She had never said a proper goodbye to her family.

She didn’t want to start now.

And yet as they both looked down at her she wanted to protect them one last time, and she could, but she had to be brave. Reaching out Wendy set a hand on both their cheeks, her thumb running gently against their skin.

So many words she wanted to say, and despite her wanting to be brave she didn’t know how to find those words. Michael, her sweetest baby brother, grown in what felt like an instant, and he would continue to, becoming a great ruler of a place that did not deserve him. He would excel as he always did and Wendy would miss out on it once again.

John, her headstrong little brother, stubborn and smart, the glue that would hold and support Michael, and in turn draw strength from him. Wendy had always known how smart he was, but even now she could see it in volumes in his eyes.

They would be fine.

So she smiled at them, she smiled with all the pride and love she had for them, because her heart, though broken in ways that couldn’t heal easily, was so full of love for her brothers.

“Take care of one another.” Wendy whispered her voice betraying her as it wobbled. “We’ll see each other again, and until then I want to hear all your stories, no matter how small or how boring you might think they are. I’ll come running if you ever need me to.” Wendy added pulling them in for a hug as tight as she could, hiding her tears into their chest.

“I love you John, I love you Teddy.”

THE DARLING BOYS: 

John and Michael embraced their sister, and it felt like a happy ending, for just one moment– like this was the place where the story should end. But it wasn’t going to. The hug would end and John and Michael would have to wave goodbye, and the Darlings were once again going to be separated. For how long this time? Both brothers wondered this. Would it be a year, or would it be ten years? Would the Fenlands be so kind to the brothers that when they finally stepped back through this door and find Wendy much, much older than them, happily married, with children of her own? 

It would not be so bad, if that was what might happen. Perhaps there was not a happily ever after for all three of them, but John and Michael were in agreement that Wendy deserved one. A happily ever after for Wendy Darling – it was a story that they’d both read over and over.

They did pull away, after a moment. Tears ran down both of their cheeks. John cupped Wendy’s face briefly. “Enjoy it all,” said John. “Everything they took from you.” 

And Michael leaned forward and kissed Wendy’s cheek. “You’re going to be wonderful, Wendy. I’ll miss you lots and lots.”

“We’ll write all the time,” John reassured for what was probably the umpteenth time, but if you repeat things enough, they become spells, brimming with magic– capable of achieving impossible things. 

“We will! And oh, take care of Mum,” said Michael. “Make sure ol’ George gets out some, touches some grass.”

John laughed wetly. “Yes, give them our love. Tell Nana hi.”

“Oh! And when you go to Italy–” Michael assumed his sister would make it to Italy “--make sure to visit Maranello! There’s the best pasta place in the world– I told you about it, remember?” 

John chuckled again and his hand rested on Michael’s shoulder. “We should let you get started,” John said. “We’ve all got a train to catch.” 

And with that, the brothers did step toward the gate that beckoned them into the next world. Before each stepped through though, they looked back over their shoulder at their family. Michael lifted a hand in another wave. 

WENDY 

Wendy had a delivery. A new camera, journals and a lot of card stock she was unpacking on the table. Everything she might need to tour the world and to share the memories that came with it.

Everything else, clothes wise, supply wise would come later. But Wendy was only concerned about making sure she could provide the requested stories to her brothers. To keep them connected to her, and to this world.

All these supplies were spread across the kitchen table when her cousins joined her. “Sorry. I didn’t realize you two would be home so early. I’ll clean this up in a moment but there’s tea in the pot.”

DANNY: 

Danny raised his eyebrows curiously at the stuff all laid out on the table, wandering towards it--even if the mention of tea was tempting. He was more curious about what was in the package that Wendy had ordered. Once, Danny would have never thought to even get closer, or ask what was in the box, for fear of bothering Wendy. Or upsetting her.

But Danny was comfortable with the other Darlings now. Even more comfortable with his sister. (Once he’d been just as awkward and cautious as her.) 

So, instead, Wendy didn’t get any privacy. 

“What’s all this?” he asked, lifting the cover of a blank journal to peak inside of it nosily. 

JANE: 

Jane had already started to fill the kettle. She wanted tea, because she’d officially put in her request to withdraw from her program, and that was — well, it felt freeing. But also horrible at the same time. She couldn’t help but feel like she was letting someone down. A past version of herself? The ghost of her father? 

She wasn’t really paying attention to what Wendy had unpacked, till Danny questioned it, and then she darted her single eye towards the journals strew across the table.

“Are you planning on taking up photography?” she asked. 

WENDY 

“I was planning on traveling and I wanted to document it all for the boys. Photographs as postcards. Journals to remember everything.” Wendy gestured around her, sure there was too much but she planned on storing some and when she needed it would be within her grasp.

Or perhaps she would buy journals in places she visited. Either way it didn’t matter. She was making her plans.

DANNY: “Oh,” Danny said in surprise. 

He’d only just decided to travel himself. He and Jane had tickets to Norway and then from there…they’d figure it out. At this, he glanced over at his sister, eyebrows raised slightly. Wondering if she’d be able to read his expression. 

It said: why not?

“I think that’s a great idea,” Danny said, then hesitated a little before continuing. “I, uhm, was gonna do some traveling too. Was plannin’ on telling everyone at dinner tonight, actually.”

JANE: 

Jane understood what Danny wanted to do. She understood it before he’d even said anything — mostly because she had the same desire too.

She wanted Wendy to come with them.

She wanted Wendy to come with them, because then it felt like — well, it felt like they weren’t losing, entirely. The family was still split, but they were together, even when shattered across realms. Sure, she and Danny would’’ve been together, but somehow the thought of Wendy in it alone just

“Do you have an itinerary yet?” asked Jane. “Because — well, we were going to go to Norway first. But we don’t have anything else planned from there.” 

WENDY 

Oh.

Wendy had just assumed Jane and Danny were staying, Jane had school and Danny had a future after school? There was nothing that said that couldn’t be traveling but Wendy just hadn’t expected it.

“I have quite a few Middle Eastern Places a friend recommended but I don’t have a set plan.” Wendy was going to let the wind take her. To flow with her whims, the way she never could before.

DANNY: 

That wasn’t a no. It also wasn’t a yes.

And Danny didn’t want to be the one to push. To be the one to suggest Wendy come with them. He didn’t want to make her feel like she needed to come with them. Feel guilty for saying no. It was a delicate situation. He understood why Wendy might want her freedom. To do things on her own. 

Still…

“The Middle East could be cool,” Danny said. He hadn’t thought about it himself, but why not? “I wanna go to Japan at some point too. Right, Jane?”

He looked to his older sister to lead and didn’t feel resentful of it at all. In fact, he was grateful for it. 

JANE:

“Japan is definitely on our list,” said Jane. Though, now that you mention it… I'd like to check out the Middle East too. I only went to Turkey when I was traveling on my own.”

She glanced back at Danny. He was the one who had looked to her first, but still, she wanted to make sure she wasn't overstepping anything. But he looked at her, eyes wide and eager, and Jane decided to just take the plunge.

“Do you want to come with us?” Jane asked. “You certainly don't have to, of course. But well… It would be nice to keep the family together.”

What's left of the family, Jane added in her head. She was sure they all thought it as well.

WENDY: 

Wendy raised an eyebrow as the siblings looked at one another and although her brothers were still here it made her feel empty. She wouldn't have that in the future. She had barely had it in the past.

Life truly was unfair.

But all she could do was enjoy it as much as possible. And well being alone wouldn't do that. She could always take solo trips and meet up with them. But the thought the Darlings would be separated but together was a nice thought. 

"I'd like that. Traveling together." Wendy mused after a moment. After the heartbreak settled in her chest where it would remain.

"Japan and Norway sound lovely."

DANNY: 

Danny held his breath.

He knew there was every possibility that Wendy said no. She was independent. And she had been trapped so long by the whims of others…he couldn’t even imagine it. So, he didn’t think he would blame her, even if he would think about how sad it’d make him: her traveling around alone. He knew she’d make friends wherever she went. She was pretty and smart and kind. 

But, he would be disappointed too. Because Danny had lost so much time with everyone, but no one moreso than Wendy. He hadn’t even been born when she was taken. 

And he didn’t want her to be alone. He didn’t think she should be alone. 

He hoped that she wouldn’t be. 

“That’s great!” Danny said, with more enthusiasm than he usually said anything with. He even smiled. Grinned. “I’ll text Anna right now to let her know!” 

JANE: 

For the first time in a while, Jane felt hopeful.

It was small, but well, if they stayed together, that meant that family mattered. That meant that something good had come out of all this mess. Wendy would be free, traveling the world. Reunited with her family at long last.

Maybe not her brothers, but two cousins was almost as good. It was something. It was family, and in the end, that was what mattered. It made Jane feel like maybe — just maybe — they’d actually won in the end.

She looked at Wendy and smiled.