— GOOD MAN —

[in his most helpful and friendly voice] Vincenzo I think perhaps you have put your pants on backwards!

Maybe. Or, maybe you’re just saying that. [wraps an arm around him, like, reflexively] I don’t know. I know you’re right, probably. But you could be wrong.

[frowns!] I don’t... trust him. Not to hurt you, I guess.

Hmmm. Which things, exactly? [stares back]

Surprise. I’m not good at anything. Except kissing you, all over, forever.

It has a few other effects on me. But many of them are very similar to me kissing you. [smooch!!]

[laughs, horribly] I have a daughter, it can be assumed.

I thought you reproduced asexually! Like a fucking tree! Because you’re a tree!

You make a solid point. But no, Eva required another human being to create.

[laughs, horribly] I have a daughter, it can be assumed.

Relax, Vincenzo, I am only joking. I believe you, I know you are not trying to get into my pants. [pours himself a little more wine] You’re fine.

Of course you are. You’re a very respectable citizen, and I’m disrupting your evening.

That sounds like a really bad porno concept. Is that your goal here now?

I can’t believe you’d accuse me of such a thing. I’m just very strange, Vincenzo.

But that falls in line with strange. Oh my god, are you going to offer me a starring role in your debut indie porno film? Because it isn’t a no but I need to be paid well.

Vincenzo, please. There will be no porno. Stop trying to get in my pants, I need to be romanced first.

Of course you are. You’re a very respectable citizen, and I’m disrupting your evening.

That sounds like a really bad porno concept. Is that your goal here now?

I can’t believe you’d accuse me of such a thing. I’m just very strange, Vincenzo.

Of course you are. You’re a very respectable citizen, and I’m disrupting your evening.

[grins] I’m not not a criminal.

[sips his wine] Soon, with any luck. I’m a menace to society and I’m sorry you have to be here to witness my very rowdy behavior.