I feel uncertain and for the most part, pretty upset. I don’t know where or how to start this off, but I feel as though I need to put this account on hiatus or something or leave it completely. I’m not even sure yet. To be honest, it’s really fucking hard playing this character and characters like this for me. I was never good at it. I do better at evil, mean, tsundere characters, and when it comes to someone who is remotely good, I just blank out. I literally don’t know what the fuck I’m doing during any of my interactions and the entire time I have this voice in my head that’s just screaming, “WRONG” no matter how much reassurance I receive from anyone. This isn’t a pity party. This isn’t a “send me asks to make me feel better waaaah” kind of posts. This is a serious issue and feeling that I’ve been dealing with and it’s honestly concerning me. There are plenty of other Matsu’s that can and will do a better job than me. And that’s fine. I just hate feeling like this. I went through all the trouble of making that sick promo, following people, and starting roleplays that leaving sounds like a terrible idea. But I honestly just don’t even know what to do with myself or this account. I don’t know if any of you have ever struggled this much with a feeling some would consider petty, but it does bother me. It bothers me that I can’t do something, because I feel like I’m letting other people down. All I can do is apologize. Whatever I decide to do, idk, I just hope its the right decision.
