what do you suppose?...🧜🏻‍♀️

(i had written a whole long post to go with these pics and it got deleted booooo i'm gonna try to recreate it, i have to remind myself to draft these first in the notes app before the tumblr app)

You know...I had said that after 10 years maybe it's time I hang up the tiara and slowly pivot away from princessing and go towards other big dreams in the theatre world and beyond. I think I had put a lot of self worth and personal identity into my princess stuff especially when I don't do it for a while plus when I've now hit 30 and that's kinda the age people get disapprovals from/start to age out, it really gets in your head. But I think I can say that I'm full steam ahead for the time being! Not a huge shock lol but yeah I'm not yet retiring anymore! Yes I am going to get choosier about which gigs I do take on because I do not want to overwhelm myself into overload, or potentially hurt myself as I have put my literal blood, sweat, and tears into this (for better or worse lol I still have a gnarly bruise and scab from a gig last weekend where I ended up face planting in a mermaid tail. owwww. plus i got super sick from the last couple rounds of Balls getting some germs from the kids, but we won't be back at that schedule til fall/winter. just hope the viruses don't get worse in that season!). So this little mermaid is gonna just keep swimmin and exploring the human world so long as she is able! What that means for me is that I'll only keep going so long as it fulfills me in all the ways that matter, and also that I'm physically/mentally able to do it. The minute that has to stop is when I'll close the chapter. Breaks certainly help, it does make it fresh and exciting each time. I think I have to have separation to make it worth it. It's a weird catch-22 like I want to do it all the time because I love it, but I have to have separation because I love it. Otherwise you'd get blasé and jaded, even the best of us, even when this is my special interest we all have off days! You forget in the moment sometimes that this is someone's first time meeting a princess, so I want every experience to have that breath of fresh air and novelty to it, which to me can only come if I'm not doing it literally every weekend. Or at Disney, as I'm finding. like maybe I dodged a bullet with that dream never happening for me. Could a vocalist contract at the Parks still happen for me? Maybe? Yeah I'd drop everything if they just offered my dream contract to me rn (Ariel in MWB at HKDL PLS!! They've called me back twice I know I can do it!!) but I'm not breaking my back for it anymore as I can tell they don't really care to consider me anymore like they used to. I'll try again when I feel called to go for it again, but I don't right now due to how f'd up the system is. Everything in moderation. But it does NOT mean I'm retiring from the princess world forever or anything like that! Just finding a healthier balance. And maybe my other dreams can have more room to grow as I find that! I still yearn for Broadway/NYC/international performing opportunities!

I had watched the '89 movie again right before I did the gig (a practice I do often no matter how well I know the character I'm hanging out with), I rewatch this one quite often even though I have the whole thing memorized to like a scarily accurate degree, down to replicating the exact pitches the lines were spoken liiiike I do NOT play about The Little Mermaid! But it had been a minute, like maybe around July/August when I did the show last summer? Or maybe December when I last played Ariel? I'm not exactly sure! I really didn't think I was gonna cry this time, I don't always do, but oops! It's a mix of a few of the same moments that get me, but also new ones too. Again a movie that even though I know it maybe better than I know myself, tbh lately I've been really proud of how I've been finding myself not just through my special interest but independent to it to as we've had time away and I've had time to explore who I am when I'm not Ariel (that sounds insane lol I mean it's something you never really know you're gonna reckon with til you get put in that situation I guess), but then again when I launch back in oh I launch HARD. It really never gets old. Call it my comfort film, my emotional support film/character, something stronger I don't even have the words for like it's very much a huge /part of my wooooorld/. Human Ariel is such a vibe too like it’s after she’s got her dream come true and she’s just elated to be here and taking it all in, something I can defs can relate to! And so much you can riff off of with that, like talking about Melody (nobody asked about her this time but I was ready to yap about her!)

Such a fun gig this was! I don't do dining appearances a lot but they are becoming a favorite, you really get to know each individual family really well and for someone like me who LOVES to just yap and yap and yap, ESPECIALLY as Ariel who I truly can never run out of things to talk about like she is always front of my mind and can steer the show while the real Me takes a break (is it dissociative? in a weird way sometimes?? much to say there!). I have new bits every time, it's always so fresh with Ariel but particularly in new settings where you really have time to make connections with guests, I found myself cracking new jokes right off the dome! Got to sing POYW as per usual, always so special to me, and very fun to like run around the restaurant hitting every table and making eye contact with all the little mermaids singing along (there's a story here I could get into about how this reminded me of the time I went to one of those singing waiter restaurants when I was 6 on my first trip to Disney, I think this was at Downtown Disney. I was so enamored by one the waitresses, perhaps in a queer awakening sense lol. I had just seen Cats the musical on tour and thought Memory was the most beautiful song, and I thought that this waitress would sound amazing on it. I wanted to request her to sing it, but was feeling very bashful about it for some reason. I told my dad to ask her for me, and she did! there's a cute photo of us where she has the mic and is singing right to me and I'm beaming, it's somewhere in that Disney photo album. I realized after this gig that I could've maybe been part of someone else's core memory in a similar way - future performers, who knows! That's why we do what we do.). Also they had a ton of gadgets and gizmos as decor that were so fun for me to point out as I sang! They also sprung Under the Sea on me last minute, which was a fun challenge to sing in Ariel's voice instead of just singing along with Sebastian lol the kids had a fun time with it and danced along! And so many adults I could tell Ariel was /their/ princess they grew up with as kids and I made sure to make things special for them too, so much of the work I do speaks to the inner child not just within me but there in all of us. And with Ariel specifically she's a character who when I see someone else love her like I love her, I feel very seen and I want others to feel seen as well, so not only am I putting in the work to do her justice for myself and my own standards but for all who admire her and see themselves in her - the dreamers, the yearners, the ones who want to be somewhere they truly belong deep in their soul, she speaks to us all and we have Howard Ashman to thank for that, a very Happy Pride to him <3 All in all, this was a really fun all-ages event, we had a great team involved, our Moana is a good friend of mine too so we had a blast! (wish I could find a pic of us together! she was in the Moana 2 outfit!)

THIS DRESS AHHHH probs the prettiest Ariel teal Parks dress I've worn yet, our fairy godmother really delivered with this one!!! This outfit of Ariel's has really grown on me over the years, ironically it's not one she ever wears in her canon besides in the Parks and the dress she's most depicted in on her merch being pretty similar. And I had kinda been iffy on it over the years, mostly bc the dresses I've had to wear rarely ever fit me right but finally this one did AND is just the sparkliest thing in person like all the patterns and textures are exactly to my liking, truly the most beautiful I've felt as Parks Ariel in a while! the wig too like I love the color and the length and styling! and my makeup slayed, skincare on point, what can I say! Playing Ariel at 20 and 30 and I still find ways to glow up and be more accurate to the character ten year later! shoutout to my friend who was the attendant for the event and took these pics, they always know how to make everything POP in these portraits!