After a disastrous Christmas party. Nesta Archeron decided to leave behind her old life, to start anew. Now a year and a half later. Her past has come back to haunt her.

Her mother had insisted that the success of any party relied on three key elements.

First and foremost was food. Any dish served must be delicious and memorable. Plated to perfection. The palette always remembered. As well as the eyes.

Next were the guests. All in attendance should be of appropriate status. Any riff-raff or social outcasts permitted entry, would only poison the event. Bringing about unfavorable gossip.

Then, finally, was the decor. It must speak for itself. Announcing the theme through colors and conversation pieces.

All three required meticulous tailoring. To complement the event at hand. Deviation of any kind would throw the entire gathering into chaos. Thus making a mockery of the host. Which in high Society, was considered a death sentence. Nesta had accepted the fact that Evie’s party was already chaos though. As it only met one out of three required elements. In all honesty. She wouldn't have it any other way. All the balls and parties she attended as a child were suffocating and cold. There was no personality to them, no coziness. 

Nesta did not care about plating, never had.  Thought it a waste of time. The food would be delicious and memorable though. Cubans and Scachatta were always crowd pleasers. Plus, with her daughter being the picky eater she was. Living off turkey, strawberries, and cheese alone some days. The cubans would provide most of that. The two cakes were made by the ones who made her favorite chocolate croissants. They jumped at the opportunity. It was family owned, and she knew they cared about their work.  Any business Nesta could give them, she gladly would.

All the guests were quite literally all riff-raff, and social outcasts. Not one of them held any high standing in society. Emerie’s family hated her for not selling them the shop her father owned. Thought her being a woman made her less capable to run it. She was seen as a pariah. Gwyn was agoraphobic. For good reason too. The only time she left their building was to be at the hospital with Nesta. When she gave birth. Though, even then she only stayed a few hours after. Cassian grew up in poverty. After his father abandoned him and his mother. Azriel’s father was somewhat of high standing. But, cared very little for his son. As he was born out of wedlock. He was a bastard. Just as Cassian was. Society frowned upon that title still.

Then there was herself. An ex socialite that had been raised by a narcissistic mother, and grandmother. As well as an absent father. Who turned his head at the abuse his wife and mother in law inflicted on his children. After they lost their money the Archerons were cast aside. Mocked by those they once thought friends.

Finally, there was the decor. It more than announced the theme. It screamed it, very loudly. Nesta’s neutral color scheme of cobalt and silver had been smothered beneath the pink invasion Evie insisted upon. They didn't stand a chance against the Candy Pink streamers that adorned every wall. They lost any will to fight when she and Gwyn hung the sparkling Magenta lanterns from the ceiling. Getting popcorn ceiling in her eye just added insult to injury. They’d been put six feet under with every Fucia, Cherry Blossom, and ballet slipper balloon set tied to any, and every surface of the apartment. The decor announced the theme alright. Anyone who walked in would have no doubt in their mind. That this was a Pink Party.

Nesta blamed Cassian for the excess decor, as well as the varying shades. It had been his grand idea to let Evie pick out her own decorations. Nesta found herself unable to say no. When her daughter seemed to be a fan of the idea. So out the window went Nesta’s plan to keep it one organized color.

Aisle after aisle, their cart had filled up. Cassian joked that her eye twitch had returned with a vengeance at one point. He laughed when she swatted his arm. It was evident that his favorite game still remained Let’s piss Nesta off.

If it was pink, Evie wanted it. If it was within her line of sight and pink. Evie really wanted it. If she could grab it, and it was pink, Evie already had it in her hands.

When they finally had all the supplies they needed. Plenty they didn’t need too. Including a mini sequin chandelier. That Cassian had pointed out. The same one that her daughter currently refused to let her hang. According to her, it made a much better centerpiece. So on the table, it sat. Looking like a bedazzled jellyfish. Out of place, and casting rainbows along the walls.

Cassian had gushed about the party to the cashier when asked if they found everything alright. The young woman behind the till had shown more interest in him. Then any of the words he was saying though. The blush that had crept up the woman’s cheeks had only spread as Cassian continued. Multiple barcodes were missed. Including one, mini sequin chandelier. When Cassian pointed this out. The woman had simply stated that it was on the house. Still, Cassian insisted on paying for them.  Nesta could’ve sworn she’d heard the words lucky bitch whispered as they left. But only met a friendly smile when she turned around.

He struck again with the idea of letting Evie pick her birthday outfit. Even if Nesta had a problem with it, which she hadn’t. She wouldn’t have had a choice in the matter. As the second Evie pulled the awful mess of fluff from the rack that Cassian got close to. That was it. Attempting to separate the two ended in screaming. When Nesta pulled off the tag to pay for the god awful thing. Because she nor Cassian could pry, or sweet talk the dress from their daughter’s hands. That also resulted in screaming. 

Unshockingly, Cassian took his daughter becoming a pterodactyl in stride. Evie had no doubt inherited Nesta’s fire. But, just as he knew how to quell the fire within herself. Cassian did so with their daughters as well. It amazed Nesta how he could temper those flames. Yet, not extinguish them. It was as if he liked the burn, embraced it even. He was nothing short of masochistic. Nesta was certain of this.

When three loud knocks sounded on her door. Evie, who sat playing with her toys turned towards the noise, then looked at Nesta expectantly. Nesta felt the smile bloom on her face. Her voice took on a light and playful tone. One she reserved only for Evie.

“ Is that Daddy and Uncle Az?” Cassian had texted a few minutes prior. Letting her know he and Azriel were close. Following Nesta’s lead. Evie dropped her toys, now making her way toward the door. Nesta chuckled at the disgruntled wail that echoed behind her. “Well, come on then.” 

In the very short amount of time Evie had spent with Cassian. She seemed to realize he was her father. Nesta couldn’t place how she knew this. Maybe it was mothers intuition. If that was even a real thing.

Evie wanted to be in his space, just as she wanted to be in Nesta’s. In fact, she demanded it, forcing herself into his presence at every opportunity. The way she plucked the phone out of his hand a few days ago. Discarding it onto the floor. Still made Nesta laugh. In Evie’s opinion, it had been taking up too much of his time. A whole ten seconds had passed, and he still hadn’t picked her up. It was blasphemy.

Nesta would never forget returning home one morning. To find Evie sound asleep on Cassian’s naked chest. Who had dozed off himself. His hand gently holding their daughter to him. She’d found one of her baby books opened on the kitchen table. Opened to a page explaining skin to skin contact. She had watched as her daughter rose and fell with Cassian’s breathing. The sight made her heart happy. Nesta may have watched for a few more seconds before taking Evie to her crib and placing a warmer blanket over Cassian. 

Upon opening the door. That sweet image so fresh in her mind was replaced with another image. A much brighter, obnoxious one. Nesta fought to control her facial muscles, from conveying her innermost thoughts. A battle she won. As she eyed the two men standing in front of her.

Both Cassian and Azriel wore the same button-up shirt. Its shade of pink so bright. It was best described as a neon highlighter. You could easily direct traffic with it. The only difference was the dark blue jeans Cassian had paired his with and the black jeans Azriel had chosen.

Azriel hadn't changed much. His hair was a bit longer than she remembered. Its ends curling outward a bit. That air of mystery still hung about him though. It clung to him like a shadow. His expression was damn near unreadable. It always had been. Nesta learned quickly that Azriel’s true feelings only showed if he wanted them to. The bags he held indicated he’d been assigned gift duty. Cassian stood there smiling over the platters she’d asked him to pick up. The cakes from the bakery also balanced in his arms.

“You two look,” Nesta paused, trying to find the right word. “Noticeable. Are you going for twinsies?” She moved aside to allow them entry.

Cassian entered first. Making his way toward the kitchen. “ Watch out, goblin underfoot.” Nesta announced. Azriel cocked his head at the outburst. No doubt confused at the statement. Cassian simply halted and scanned the area. Grinning when he caught sight of Evie.“ Hey, Birthday girl. Give Daddy one second.” She sped up her pace. Which gave him half a second at most.

Nesta watched as Azriel observed the scene. Cassian had told her that Azriel was ecstatic to be an uncle. Even if he didn’t have the most expressive way of showing it. Azriel turned, catching Nesta. He gave her a small smile. One she returned. A smile was a good start.

“ I was told my attire would be taken care of. I shouldn’t have trusted him.” He nodded to Cassian, who scoffed a laugh.

“ Pink is Pink Az, deal with it. Besides, It’s not your day”

Azriel motioned to Nesta.” Her pink isn’t blinding in the least. Tell me, Nesta, are there spots in your vision yet?” Her dusty Pink off-shoulder top gave a sweet and demure feel. It may have felt out of place for her. But, It sure as hell was better than whatever monstrosity Cassian and Azriel had on.

Cassian ignored him as he began positioning the platters near the drinks, and other various snacks she’d put out. As he did. A flash of Pink caught Nesta’s eye. “ Is that a ribbon in your hair?” she questioned. Try as she might, she couldn’t fully suppress the giggle that fought to escape. There, wrapped around his bun was a ribbon. A sparkly pink, ribbon.

Cassian turned around, his smile beaming. Unabashed, and unafraid he spoke. “ It is. You said it was a Pink party right?”. He bent to pick up Evie. Who impatiently had begun pulling at his shoelaces. She giggled when he peppered her cheek with kisses. Basking in the affection she loved so much.

Azriel’s gaze snagged on the little girl once again. This time, his expression was nothing short of adoration.“ He saw it in the window of the boutique downstairs.” So it was a new addition. Not one that would last long though if Evie caught sight of it.

When he finished in the kitchen. Cassian made his way to where Nesta and Azriel stood. “ I think some introductions are in order. Az, this is Evie, your niece.” He pointed to Azriel. “ Evie, this is your Uncle Az.” 

Azriel gave the appearance of someone unaware of what to do. He watched as Evie took him in. She paid special attention to his face and eyes. Recognizing them as her own. As well as Cassian’s.

After a moment Azriel dipped a low bow. “ She’s even more beautiful in person.”

Within seconds, Evie was careening out of Cassian’s grip. Half of her body had fallen before Cassian caught her. Quickly pulling her back to safety. Both she and Azriel had moved forward ready to catch her. Evie, though, appeared unbothered. As she thrust her arms out toward Azriel. The rest of her body now being held back.

Azriel looked petrified. It was almost comical. Big shot private detective, scared of a baby. Nesta wondered if he ever held a baby before. He probably hadn’t, which would make his trepidation understandable. Even she was afraid to hold her own baby that first day. So afraid of breaking her somehow. So she did what Emerie and Gwyn did for her. Nesta gave him a little push. “She wants you to hold her.” She whispered. Placing her hand on his back and ushering him forward. Closer to where Cassian and Evie stood. And he let her, didn’t fight in the slightest.

Azriel had fully frozen in place. When Cassian transferred Evie to him. Evie, on the other hand. Made herself right at home. For a good few seconds, she stared at his face again. This time due to a closer proximity. Her hand gently touched his nose, and under his eyes. Azriel in turn seemed to take her In too. 

An easy silence had fallen over the room. Both herself and Cassian just watched the tender exchange. Evie soon started tugging lightly on the fabric of his shirt, comparing it to her own dress. The sight was bittersweet for Nesta. Evie was officially no longer just hers or Cassian’s. Soon her family would grow even larger. From the looks of it. She didn’t mind it.

Azriel took in the pink iridescent fabric of Evie’s dress. His eyebrow arched. He looked to Nesta. “ And you thought we were an eyesore?” He teased. His posture becoming more relaxed by the second. Nesta threw him a smirk. “ You still are. She’s just a cuter one.” He chuckled, “ You got me there.” Cassian nodded in agreement. His mouth full of a cuban he swiped from the kitchen.

It was at that moment Nesta noticed something. Azriel wasn’t wearing his gloves. He’d always worn them to cover the scars that marred his hands. Results of a cruel prank his half-brothers had played on him in his childhood. Only around his friends and family did he discard them. Their absence was most likely due to Cassian and Evie. His smiles weren’t truly meant for her. But, for them. She just knew it. So she would play along. 

“ Where’d the little bit from the bottom go?” Cassian asked, as he too examined Evie’s dress. 

Nesta thought about the dark pink tulle she had cut off an hour earlier. Good riddance. “ Your daughter kept trying to eat the rhinestones on it.”

“You mean our daughter.” Cassian shot back.

Nesta crossed her arms. Shifting her weight to one side. “ No, I mean your daughter. That was a Cassian move.”

“ I think even baby Nesta Archeron tried to eat things she shouldn’t have. Don’t you agree Az?”

Nesta turned to Azriel. Who now looked between her and Cassian. But, Before he could respond. The front door swung open. Gwyn and Emerie had arrived. Azriel let out an audible breath as she made her way between the two men.

Emerie stepped in wearing a simple pink tank top and jeans. Gwyn, on the other hand, wore a black long-sleeved blouse, paired with a flowing pink skirt. Stopping just short of her ankles. Nesta eyed Gwyn. “ The fifties called. They want their outfit back.”

Emerie snorted at this. Gwyn let out a laugh “ They’ll have to fight me for it.”

Gwyn’s laugh rang through the apartment. It reminded Nesta of a windchime, whimsical, and delicate. A deception if you asked her. Gwyn held her own exceedingly well. If Nesta was a wolf, then Gwyn was a Honey Badger.

“ Hey, how about you bring that party over here?” Cassian shouted from behind her. He’d been keen on meeting the two girls who Nesta considered sisters. The girls gladly obliged. Each pressing a kiss to her cheek as they passed. 

Emerie reached Evie first. Throwing a wink in Gwyn’s direction. Who had been nudged out of the way. “Happy Birthday! You look radiant today.” 

“ She looks radiant everyday, Em.” Gwyn cut in. Both now crowding around Azriel. Whose presence they didn’t seem to notice. Though, he definitely noticed theirs. Looked at them like sharks circling their prey. Which at this moment Nesta could understand.“ You always look so cute” Gwyn said affectionately. Tickling Evie’s stomach. Cassian seemed to find this whole exchange hilarious. As his grin widened more and more by the second.“ I’m going to assume you’re Gwyn and Emerie then?”

Nesta cleared her throat. “So, the man holding your target is Azriel. Next to him. Is his brother Cassian.” Both girls stopped, and looked between the men. Their eyes slightly widening at the sheer brightness of them. Of course they hadn’t noticed them.

Gwyn was the first to move. Positioning herself sideways between the two men. She thrust both hands out, palms open. Ready to receive handshakes. “ Hi, I’m Gwyn, Nesta’s friend. I’ve heard so much about both of you. ”

Without hesitation, Cassian reached out and shook her hand. Which ended up shaking Gwyn too. “Pleasure to meet you. Hopefully, you’ve heard all good things. ” Gwyn shrugged, a secret smile playing on her lips. She next turned her attention to Azriel who had yet to move. Whether it be out of fear, or awkwardness. Gwyn’s eyes twinkled. Nesta could see the gears turning. “ Are you more of a high-five kind of guy?” She asked, raising her hand to a vertical position. Evie babbled at Azriel. Pointing to Gwyn. Almost urging him to reciprocate.

 After a few moments, Azriel extended his free hand to meet Gwyn’s “ Handshakes are just fine. It’s Nice to meet you.”

“ Always so dramatic, Hi, I’m Emerie.” Reaching out she shook both men’s hands “ It’s nice to meet the faces behind the names.” 

After pleasantries were exchanged. Cassian expedited the food portion. Just as Nesta had assumed, he had snuck a few scachatta on the way over. A fact he didn’t bother denying. Stating he needed a power snack. Evie had taken to lap hoping. Each time taking a piece of cheese, or turkey from her victim’s cuban. Juice and water were also free for all. What's theirs was hers. Poor Azriel had the entirety of his cuban taken. No one griped at the loss though. There was plenty to go around. Nesta had planned for this situation.

Cassian told the story of the shirts. How Azriel had gone out to find some and failed. Which led to him coming across the ones they currently wore.

Cassian as usual brought laughter into the room. Her friends had found his stories funny.  Neither he or Azriel brought up the Inner Circle. Maybe it was for her benefit, or just because they wouldn’t fit in this context. Whatever the reason was. It didn’t matter. Nesta was grateful.

The worry Nesta felt had slowly started to dissipate as the evening progressed. Everyone seemed to be getting along fine. Gwyn had finally pulled out her polaroid camera. Taking pictures of anything she thought needed documenting. Including, but not limited to Evie yanking down on Emeries braid, Azriel getting food stolen from his own hand, and Cassian attempting to hang the little chandelier on the table, against the warnings. As time passed though. Evie started to fuss. Her toys no longer amused her, nor did sitting on anyone’s lap. A clear indication that it was time for cake.

Evie’s cake was small. Very simple in design. Pink of course. Nesta had even asked to add edible glitter to the frosting in an attempt to pull attention to it. A ploy that paid off. Her daughter was entranced. Watched it like a dragon would its treasures. 

Nesta had learned from her co workers That parents would get their children small personal cakes. That solely existed to get ruined. A foreign concept to her. In no world would her parents have ever allowed such a thing. Paying for something. Just to be destroyed would’ve been seen as frivolous.

From the pictures she’d been shown. It seemed like a fun thing to do. She wanted to see Evie smile like that. So while the adults got their own cake. Evie was given her very own too.  

Unfortunately, between the singing, and the sparkling pastry in front of her. Evie seemed more confused than anything. She had shown mild curiosity with the candle, and the flame that had danced on top of it. Then looked offended when Cassian had blown it out for her. At this moment Nesta didn’t know what to do.

Lucky for her, Cassian seemed to know exactly what needed to happen. Like a warrior walking into battle. He approached the high chair. The ribbon in his hair bouncing slightly as he moved. The little girl’s eyes followed his every step.

“ Let me show you this is done.” Cassian said, now behind Evie. Grabbing both her hands he positioned them above the cake.

Nesta had begun to move forward to join them. She found herself wanting to be a part of it. But stopped, when Cassian’s head snapped up. He meet her stare, then motioned her over to him.

She remained still. Now fearing that she would somehow mess it up.

Yet again, Cassian motioned her forward. This time, a taunt followed. “ You gonna let me have all the fun? Or are you too afraid of getting a little messy?” His grin was feral. It hit exactly where he wanted it to. So Nesta straightened herself and waltzed over. Her eyes never leaving Cassian’s. Those hazel eyes lit a fire in her. “ I knew that would get you over here.” he whispered next to her. Arrogant.

Both she and Cassian took a hand. Then Shoved their daughter’s hands into the cake on the count of three. Which, turned out, was all it took to get the ball rolling. Evie took one more second to stare before plunging into it again. Pushing, and pulling until its structure came apart. She marveled at her work. Nibbling at the cake between her fingers. She giggled as she watched the cake fall, completely defeated. 

Nesta laughed with her. Licking off the icing that had grazed her fingers. She looked to Cassian. Surely he to beamed at the fierce little monster they created. But, instead, she found him looking at her. The world around them disappeared. Only she, Evie, and Cassian existed right now. Something deep within her mourned what could’ve been.

 Everything came back when the sound of a polaroid clicked. Gwyn would capture this moment.  Nesta wondered what the picture looked like. Anyone who saw it, would never know they weren’t a happy family.

Naturally, after the cake was gifts. Unlike before, there was no hesitation. Any paper in sight didn’t last long. Before it was mauled to shreds. Next to her, Evie kept the paper in a pile. Trophies, Nesta had assumed. Anyone who touched them received a stern look. Cassian named it her "Nesta is definitely my mom" look.

Azriel had given Evie a small playable piano, pink of course. Its attached seat was lined with soft fabric. Cassian had followed suit and decided that she needed a small drumset. To go with the piano. Neither of the instrument’s batteries were removable. Much to Nesta’s chagrin.

Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn’s gifts were a bit more on the practical side. The pink wagon Evie mournfully cried for whenever they went on walks. Now sat in front of her. The seat inside it was currently occupied by the large stuffed pegasus from Gwyn.  The colorful storybooks from Emerie sat further down. The new books also made Nesta happy. The same four books she read day in and day out to her daughter. Had lost their appeal two months ago. Some fresh material was due.

The party had fully died down soon after. Inside, Evie sat behind the small piano. Pressing random keys. Cassian was next to her on the drums. The groupies, Gwyn and Emerie sat in front of them on the couch clapping. Quite pleased with the concert. Nesta smiled for what felt like the hundredth time that day. She couldn’t keep them away. 

Azriel insisted on gathering the trash. Holding the bag in his hand out of reach whenever Nesta tried to grab it. He then blocked her way to the kitchen when he started cleaning up the dishes. 

Eventually, she had given up and retreated to the balcony. Watching the traffic below somehow helped her wind down. Something about the lights blending together relaxed her. Ever since she was a kid it had given her a sense of peace. 

The door behind her slid open, and shut.

“ Getting some fresh air?” Azriel asked as he leaned next to her. His hands hanging over the railing. The jagged scars that ran across them stood out beneath the city lights. She nodded, “yeah, you?” 

He shrugged, “ Partly, I also wanted to talk to you. Figured one on one would be best.” Her blood ran cold. Now would be the moment he told her. That any niceties had been for Evie and Cassian’s sake. Pushing her fear down all day had been like a constant game of whack a mole. 

“ You’re not wearing your gloves.” She noted, wanting one last neutral interaction.

Azriel chuckled beside her. “ I see you’re as observant as ever. I was waiting for you to ask. Saw you notice it earlier. Do you know why I’m not wearing them?” His voice felt like a blanket fresh out the dryer. Warm, and welcoming.  She didn’t understand. Why wasn’t he telling her how horrible she was? Where was the anger? Nesta’s insides churned. Something was amiss. It had to be.

She shrugged “ You forgot them at home?” Azriel shook his head. “ You’re smarter than that, c’mon think harder.”

 “Because of Cassian and Evie. I mean they’re your family.”

A new emotion crossed Azriels face. One she hadn’t seen in a long time. Pain. “ Nesta, do you think I hate you?” Her silence was a confirmation. He sighed,

“ I don’t hate you. But, I don’t agree with how things played out.” His tone was gentle.“ However, there was wrong on both sides. Your and Cass’s relationship was disrespected. Just as you were disrespected. That never should’ve happened. I understand why you left. I just thought you’d be back in a few days. Everyone was worried.”

“ Everyone?” Nesta questioned. “ I find that hard to believe.”

After thinking for a second. Azriel corrected his statement. “ Mostly everyone, It’s true, some were far less concerned about your absence.” She didn’t need to ask who.

 A feeling of relief washed over Nesta as he spoke though. He didn’t hate her. Even after what she had done. He didn’t hate her. The words that left her mouth next shocked her. “ After Evie was born. I mustered up the courage to show up at the building. I fully intended to tell Cassian. But, then I saw Rhys, and I ran.” Azriel became quiet, contemplative.

“ I know”.

She turned quick enough to give herself whiplash. “ How could you know that?” her voice shook. There was only one way he could know that.

“ It wasn’t Rhys you saw in the hallway, Nesta.” 

His words hit her like a train. “ By the time I caught up. You were already in your car. I figured you’d be back another day this time.” But, she wasn’t. 

She gripped the railing tighter. “ I've made such a mess haven't I?” Azriel nodded.

“ You have. But, again, You didn't make it alone. It can’t be cleaned up alone either.”

In a rare moment, Azriel reached for her hand. His grip was warm and comforting. “ You have people on your side. That want to help you work through this. You have me, and Cassian. But, if you allow them in. You’d also have Feyre, and Elain. They still miss you. Also, as strange as this sounds. Rhysand is in your corner too.” Nesta laughed, pulling her hand away.“ You had me until that last one.” She turned to go inside. When his hand caught her arm. Pulling her back.

“ I’m being serious. I wouldn’t lie to you. A lot has happened since you left.” His words rang true. But, that truth could’ve been anything. Nesta leaned more to it being his perceived truth. 

“ I’ll have to see it for myself.” His hand fell from her arm. “ That’s all I can ask for.”

My weekend unexpectedly got busy. So I won't be able to write much. So here's something that didn't make the cut. As the next chapter will take longer to get out. I'm very sorry.

Nesta had at one time despised the color Pink. It reminded her of her mother, of her grandmother. The two matriarchs at the head of the Archeron family. Both cold, and cruel, they valued only social status and wealth. Her father had willingly taken a backseat in his children’s lives. Gave almost complete control to his wife, and mother-in-law.  Not that he was ever really around his children. On the rare occasion, he was present though, he doted on Feyre and Elain. Not Nesta though, she was her mother’s child. It was like an unspoken deal between her parents. 

 From a young age, the matriarchs insisted upon dressing Nesta and her sisters in Pink. They’d always say. 

“ Men love women in Pink. It makes them approachable. Good for attracting an advantageous marriage.” 

 She didn’t want to be approachable. The thought of the stuffy men of high society made Nesta sick. They threw money around to get their way, and money spoke loudly. Her wealthy stock broker father had all but bought her mother's affections. He showered her with expensive gifts and treated her to the finest dining. Within a month they were engaged.

Nesta never voiced any objections though, She played along like a good girl, and wore those silly Pink dresses. That drained her of color and dulled her features. A wolf in sheep's clothing. Her mother had commented.

 Elain, however, was made for Pink. Her softness, and warm eyes. Welcomed the color with open arms. Feyre, despite disliking the color. Could pull it off quite well too. She was often caught pulling at the bright clothing in annoyance though. 

When their mother died, Nesta didn’t mourn. The first thing she had done was burn every pink dress she owned. One by one, all were reduced to cinders in their fireplace. There would be no rising from the ashes for them or her mother. Nesta was free.

From that day on Nesta sneered at the color Pink, Would look at it with disgust. Until one day she didn’t. 

When Evie decided she loved Pink. Nesta couldn't help but smile. The joy it brought her daughter made Nesta happy. She wanted her little girl to be happy. It was more important than anything. So, over a year. Nesta’s hatred of the color had waned into a dislike. As new, happier memories surrounding the color were made.

@wildflowernightmere @sv0430 @melphss @champanheandluxxury @my-fan-side @wolfnesta @wintersnowqueen @jmoonjones @sannelovesreading

After a disastrous Christmas party. Nesta Archeron decided to leave behind her old life, to start anew. Now a year and a half later. Her past has come back to haunt her.

For the third time that day Nesta had checked her phone. Without a doubt giving off the appearance of someone who had been stood up. The couple a few booths across seemed to notice. As she’d caught them staring more than a handful of times. Empathetic glances were exchanged between the two. The woman, a tall blonde, had started to get up. Only to be stopped by the ring of a bell. Alerting waitstaff that a new patron had entered. Every woman, the blonde included, stared at the hulking figure that just strode in. Better late than never.

Nesta sipped her coffee, as Cassian sat down in front of her. A slight sheen of sweat glistened on his brow. Causing a few loose strands of hair to cling to his face. He gave her an apologetic look. “ Hey, sorry, got caught up with inventory.”

“The waitress has already asked me where my better half was.” She mused, leveling her gaze on him. Cassian sighed “ You agreed to come here didn’t you?” She did. She missed their food. She now regretted agreeing though.

Before she could reply, the bubbly waitress from earlier had returned. Placing a cup of coffee in front of Cassian. “ There you are. Shame on you for making your girl wait.” She swatted his shoulder lightly. “ Been a while since I've seen you two. How have you been?”Cassian gave her a welcoming grin. “ Oh, just been busy. Upgraded the gym recently. Added a new ring to it. We have a new promotion going on too.” She looked to Nesta next. Her eyes gleamed. “ My new job requires I work nights. It’s also not very close to here.”

“Well, that sucks. Either way, I'm glad you're both here now. Can I assume you guys want what you always ordered? I still remember.” She tapped her forehead. “Yes” Nesta, and Cassian both replied at the same time. Eliciting a giggle from the waitress. The food was delicious here. They made her favorite Strawberry crepes. She never could find another place that made them the same. She’d even tried making them at home. But, to no avail. Cassian called them crack crepes. Would always ask if she needed to get her fix. “I'll put in that order.” With a smile she was off.

Once the waitress bounced away. Cassian spoke again. Skipping any pleasantries. He went straight into why they were there. For that she was thankful. This was already awkward enough. “I want to be involved more, in everything.” Determination laced his tone.“ I also want to start providing for our daughter too.” Nesta’s heart skipped. As dread set in, or was it anger. Did he think she couldn’t provide? She must’ve started to make a face. As he immediately continued, his tone softening. “ I’m not saying you can’t. Despite that ramshackle apartment of yours. You've provided extremely well for her and yourself. I’m not judging you, I promise.” He put his hands on the table. “ I just want to help too. I don’t want to be my father.” Nesta felt the scowl that had started to form slip. Any anger dissipated, As his eyes met hers.“ You’ll never be your father Cassian. If there's anything I know for certain it's that.” Cassian’s father had always been a sore subject for him. It was something they had in common.

The man abandoned Cassian and his mother when he was five. His mother raised him the best she could, which was in borderline poverty. In the end, she focused so much on her son. And cared too little for herself. Cassian was 12 when she passed. It had wrecked him. To this day, it still did.

Cassian would never be his father. The words she spoke rang true. The man had her number for a week. He then proceed to text her daily, asking how Evie was doing and requesting pictures of her. Already a doting father. Nesta obliged his requests of course, she considered herself lucky. Most of the women she knew. Who were single parents. Would kill for the father to actively want to be in their child’s life. Most never were though. So they became hardened, determined to be both parents. Something she highly respected. It took a toll on them though, she saw it. Nesta herself had days where she wanted to just give up.

“ Okay, um well, Evie’s Birthday is in a few days. I mentioned it a couple days back. We’re going to have a party at my place. There's a dress code though. You have to wear Pink. It’s a Pink party.” Cassian snorted, His eyes dancing with amusement. He knew her aversion to the color. “ Alright, I can do Pink. It's her favorite color I assume?” Nesta nodded.

“ I brought up wanting Evie to know her family. And I have an idea.” Cassian leaned forward. As if ready to pitch her a business idea. “ We introduce her one at a time, spaced out of course. What do you think?” Nesta’s stomach twisted. “ We?” She forced out. Fighting to keep her tone level. Determined not to let the fear bubble up.

“Yes, we, as in you and I.” He sighed. “ You can't avoid them. What did you think was going to happen? You avoid all contact forever, while Evie and I be part of their lives?” Yes, that had been her preferred plan. It seemed to be a fallacy now.

Nesta straightened her spine “ They are your family, as well as hers. They’ll never be mine though. I don't fit in with them. I've never disillusioned myself to believe I would either.” This seemed to annoy Cassian. His mouth opened, ready to respond. But,

The sound of clinking plates drew both of their attentions away. As their food was placed in front of them. The crepes that Nesta had been craving. Now made her queasy. Any appetite had been chased off. Cassian on the other hand seemed unbothered. As he began digging into his ruben. It didn't take long for him to notice that her plate hadn’t been touched though. He stopped eating and looked up.” You were starving earlier” he noted. “ And now I’m not.” she spat out. Concern danced in his eyes. “Think about it. I know you're worried. But, know. That I’ll be there with you.” He began to reach his hand out to hers. But, pulled it back.

Nesta scoffed a laugh “ You were there last time. And you did nothing. Listen,” She held up her hand.” I know what I am. I know I’m bitchy, and mean. I’m not likable. I know this. I accept this. But, the others don’t seem to know what they are. Morrigan is bitch, a possessive one at that. She’s marked you as her territory too. Amren is so stuck up on her high horse. I doubt she knows how to get down. And Rhysand, can’t look past his own damn faults. To see that he and I are uncomfortably similar. Or maybe he does see it. I don't know.”

Cassian's gaze softened. “For Evie’s sake. I am willing to try. But, it won't be easy for me. I’m telling you I am scared, Cassian. If you insist that I be in their happy little lives. I need you to be really be there for me.” Those words silenced him. A flash of something crossed his face, realization maybe? “ Tell me that you will be there for me.” She needed to hear him say it.

Within seconds, he muttered, his tone somber. “ I’ll be there for you.” Did he finally hear her? Only time would tell.

She nodded, hating that she let such vulnerability show. Her pleading tone made her even sicker to her stomach. She needed to change the subject. “ If you want to pick up the cakes, and food for the party you can. It’s Saturday at 3. Get there around 2:30.”

“Okay, is there anything else I can do? What can I get her?” Cassian didn’t question the change of subject. He simply continued eating. Stealing the occasional glance at her abandoned crepes. He always had been able to read her. Not push her unless it was needed.

“Anything colorful, she likes sounds too. Just don't get anything too loud with built-in batteries.” Cassian wiped his mouth.” Your neighbors complain or something?”“No” she responded, “If I have to live with the toys. I prefer something I can tolerate, or dismantle if it becomes a nuisance”

“ What if I kept some things of hers at my place?” The question was innocent enough. Nesta hadn’t thought about Evie spending time there yet. It made sense though. For him to bring it up.He had a right to have her at his place. It would eventually partly be her home too.“ I’m not against it. But, what if you get spotted with her? Or her things get spotted in your place? ” It was a genuine concern. How would he explain his way out of that situation?

“ Fine,” He conceded “Let's just focus on slowly introducing her. We can discuss her being at my place more at a later time.”

Her plate was still untouched when she asked for her check. The waitress gave her a strange look. But, went back to normal as Cassian handed her his card.Stating that he was footing the bill.” Can we get a box for the crepes?”. Nesta tapped the table. How dare he speak for her. “ Just let me pay,” Nesta grumbled. “ I can pay for myself just fine.” He ran a hand over his face. “ I know you can. Just let this one slide, please.” She’d let him win today. “Fine, I’ll text you the details about the party, and where to pick up the cakes. ” With that, she stood and walked out. Not daring to look back.

The club was busier than normal tonight. A distraction, she welcomed. It relaxed her to dance like this. It was freeing. A far cry from the stuffy proper dances she was taught as a child. The thought of her Mother, and Grandmother rolling in their graves, brought her joy. She hoped they saw her. The two women had controlled her. Molded her into what they wanted her to be. She’d forever resent them for that. The way she was. Soley their doing.

She spotted many of her regulars in the crowd. One, in particular, sauntered his way over to her stage. He was hard to miss. Even upside down Eris Vanserra stood out. The red of his hair was vibrant in the bright lights. The cheshire grin he sported made her want to scratch it off. Once a month he made an appearance. Usually after a business trip. Early on he set his sights on Nesta. Many of the girls attempted to sway his affections away from her. But, all were snubbed indefinitely.

Slowly she slid down the pole to meet him. The bills littering her stage made her crawl a bit more difficult. But, she managed. “ Eris” she purred. Sliding onto her back legs. Positioning her breasts in front of his face. His eyes grew dark. “ Jade” His voice was that of a snake.“ I’m in a bit of a mood tonight. Are you going to help me cheer up?” He extended a hand.

“ Don’t I always?” Taking his hand he pulled her off. Leading her to a set of leather couches near the back of the room. She didn't miss the envious glances as they passed by. As he sat, he pulled out an envelope. Tossing it onto the small table next to her. “ Count it if you want, should be $2,000. You know the drill. You're my arm candy for tonight.” Nesta counted it. True to his word it was all there. It always was. But, his attitude left much to be desired.

Eris froze when Nesta set her knee between his legs. Making sure to ever so gently brush his leg. His gaze turned ravenous. Surely, Eris thought himself the predator. But, he didn't know how wrong he was.

Leaning forward, she braced both hands on the couch's back. Looking down at him she spoke. Her tone icy. “You know better than to speak to me like that.” she leaned in closer. Lowering herself until her lips grazed the shell of his ear “ Say please, or I walk.” she whispered. Eris shuddered, his body going stiff. All the bravado from earlier now gone. He said nothing until Nesta slid the knee between his legs higher. He sucked in a breath. “ Please” he ground out. Nesta smirked “Please what?”. The man beneath her groaned. “Please be my arm candy tonight.” The men held no power in this club. Balthazar had instilled that ideology in all the women he employed. Made sure that they always knew they were in control.

Pleased with herself, Nesta took a seat on Eris’s lap. Draping an arm around his neck, and leaning in. “ Was that so hard?” The look he gave her, told her it killed him. Good, he needed to know his place.

The rest of night was uneventful. Every hour or so, Eris would request a lap dance. Eventually his buddies showed up. As they always did. It was routine for him. He was a creatures of habit. As per her usual. she turned down his drunken invitation to go home with him. The only home she wanted to be at was hers. So when the time came. She took her money and left.

Gwyn had texted her earlier that day that she and Evie had moved to Nesta’s place. She expected Gwyn to be asleep on the couch. But, was surprised to find both her and Emerie watching tv. A bowl of popcorn placed between them. She smiled as she walked over to her sisters. “ What’re you watching?’ She asked, picking up the bowl. Earning a pout from Gwyn. Nesta chuckled “ Calm down, I’m just moving it”. Replacing it on her lap. She took the seat between them. “ Devils Kitchen. The mean chef is really funny.” Emerie responded mouth full. As she reached for another handful of popcorn. “ More Importantly though,” a whimsical voice spoke from her other side. “ How did today go? You know, with Cassian?” Gwyn always loved getting to the point. Is this why she was still up? Emerie paused the tv. And was now looking at Nesta expectantly. “ Well, we talked. He brought up being a part of Evie’s life more. Providing for her as well.” Nesta took a deep breath. “ He also mentioned introducing Evie to his family, slowly. Which I’m not opposed to. I just-” Nesta stopped.Taking in a breath she rested her head on Gwyns shoulder. “ I told him how scared I was, I think he finally got it though, hopefully.” Emerie rubbed small reassuring circles On her arm. “ I’m proud of you. We’re proud of you. I’m assuming Cassian is coming to Evie’s party?” Nesta nodded,grabbing a handful of popcorn. “ Yes, he sounded excited about it.” Emerie gave her a look. “ What?” Nesta asked. “Hear me out. What do you think about inviting, Azriel to Evie’s party?” Emerie asked, still rubbing circles along her arm. “ It would be a show of good faith. I know that it’s going to be hard. But, why not start out with one of them that never had an issue with you? Then you're safe for awhile.” Emerie had a point. Azriel never spoke poorly to her. He’d even stood up for her before against Rhysand’s jabs. Doing this would give her time to figure things out. Bring herself to talk to the others. In a better mental state. Maybe even have another ally in all of this mess. Nesta sighed looking to gwyn, she smiled, then nodded. Emerie and Gwyn watched as she typed a message to Cassian. One that would set in motion a terrible situation, or a positive one. If you would like to bring Azriel to Evie’s party, you can. Her thumb lingered over the send button for a moment before finally descending. It was done, and Nesta was terrified.

Taglist

After a disastrous Christmas party. Nesta Archeron decided to leave behind her old life, to start anew. Now a year and a half later. Her past has come back to haunt her.

Having Cassian in her space felt strange. Yet she didn't mind it. Part of her welcomed it. Nesta had almost forgotten how broad his frame was. When he almost didn't fit through her front door. She snorted at the sight of him sidestepping to get inside. Earning her a look.“ Why is your door hobbit sized?” Nesta shrugged. “ It’s a normal-sized door. Have you ever considered that you’re not normal?” No response after that. As he started to take in her apartment.

   She watched as Cassian took in the small space she called home. He examined the pictures on the fridge. Glanced at the pictures hung on the wall. One in particular intrigued  him. A gift from him to her. Back when they dated. Was he surprised she still had it?

Moving on he observed the brightly colored toys littering the common room floor. Looked suspiciously at the atrocious popcorn ceiling. His narrowed gaze told her that he didnt care for the sloppily patched up spots.  They were few. But, they admittedly wern’t small. 

A few more minutes passed. Yet, no words were spoken. They didnt need to be. Nesta already figured out  what was on his mind. It’d only be a matter of time before he voiced his disapproval of her living space, of their living space. 

     As far as apartments went, it wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t the best though. There had been minor issues here and there. But, overall, not any horrible issues. They wern’t in a bad area either. It also was the only one Nesta could afford at the time. Renewal had come months back. A lease that she resigned despite having the funds to upgrade. She enjoyed the company too much to move. Gwyn and Emerie made the place a home. They had become her family. Eventually, however, as her child grew. More space would be required. But, for now, this was fine. She’d cross that bridge when the time came.

   Her apartment was nothing compared to Cassian’s  though. The building he lived in belonged to Rhysand’s mother. As he was her adopted son. He paid a reasonable rent, for a well above-average apartment. She’d even go as far as to call it luxury.  Many a time he’d asked her to move in with him. Which was met with the same answer every time. No. She refused to live under Rhysands roof. No doubt he’d expect something from her. Constantly throw the fact that she lived there in her face. Whenever she displeased him. The most she had in that building was a drawer in Cassians room. Which Cassian promised to not tell a soul about. Lest he wished to incur her wrath.  Often she wondered what happened to that drawer. It housed some of her favorite t-shirts. One of them had been a merch shirt from the gym Cassian owned. It was the softest shirt she ever owned. 

   Now that she thought about it. Cassian also had problems with her last apartment. He’d bought her extra locks for her door. He was a worrier, thats for sure. In the three years that they dated. The man fussed over her like a mother hen. Constantly making sure she ate that day, or asking if she needed him to change her oil. She doubted anything had changed. No matter how much she had snipped at him about it. The behavior never ceased. If anything he found it amusing. He fussed then, and he would fuss now. It would just be over a different girl. 

“ How did you know where I lived?” she asked, breaking the silence. Cassian made his way to the couch. Plopping down,  making a strange  face as he did. “ A buddy of mine owns a club not too far from here. I ended up bringing Az along.” He shifted, pulling a wadded-up blanket out from beneath him. “ Imagine my surprise when I saw my missing ex girlfriend on the pole. We followed you here afterwards.” There had been no judgemnet in his tone. 

“ How did you know what door I was?” The child in her arms squealed.  Drawing Cassian's gaze onto her. “ Found a package on the doorstep, pure dumb luck I suppose.” She had taken a few steps forward. When Cassian spoke again.

  “What’s our daughter's name?” Nesta didn’t miss the pain in his tone. Nor did she miss the anger lurking underneath, no doubt directed toward her, rightfully so. “ Her name is Evie,” she responded, walking even closer to him. “ Evangeline’s her full name. It’s just a mouthful.” He stared at her in shock. His mouth agape. As if he wanted to say something. His eyes spoke for him though. She knew the importance of that name. It’s why she chose it. “Do you want to hold her?” 

  He stood silently, gently taking Evie from her arms and tucking her onto his side. Cassian stared at the little girl. A smile taking over his face. The first one she’d seen from him today. “ Hey, beautiful.” he cooed. Fatherhood suited him already. She knew it would, he was just the type.

  Reaching out her hand in response. Evie began patting his shoulder. A move Nesta knew all to well. Before she could warn him, that little hand had grabbed a fist full of Cassian’s hair. Pulling it towards her. Pain flashed across Cassian's features. As his head was yanked forward. Yet the softness never left. Maybe he didn’t want to spook her, or make a bad first impression. ” I forgot to mention. She likes to grab hair.” Nesta couldnt hold back the small grin that no doubt showed.

  A ghost of a smirk danced across Cassian’s face.” You and her have that in common.” He  froze for a second. Realizing what he had just said. Nesta ignored the comment. Cassian seemed to ignore it too. So easily he fell into that old banter. Nesta cleared her throat. “ You accept her here. Yet outside parentage seemed to be questioned.”

“ I never questioned her. I just didnt know what to say. Besides,”  He turned to look at her.” You're many things Nesta, a liar isn't one of them.” He began to pace around the room. Adding a light bounce to his step. His hair still captive in Evie’s tiny hand. He’d have to pry those fingers off, hope she got distracted,or cut the hair. If he wanted it back.  “ Were you ever going to tell me? Or was I just going to get a surprise at my doorstep in eighteen years?”

  Nesta swallowed her shame. “ I had every intention of letting you know. I went to your door. But, when I knocked-” she paused “Morrigan answered, and reminded me of what a waste of space I was. Then slammed the door in my face. When I asked to see you.” 

Nesta now made her way to the small kitchen table. Putting as much distance between the two of them as possible. Being so close to him again. Was already starting to have an effect on her. she could feel his warmth. Not only that, but, seeing him interact with their daughter. Made her hate herself more than she already did.  She also dare not say what she wanted to. Dare not say how she’d drive by his complex with every intention of telling him, and begging him forgiveness. One day she did have the courage to go in. She’d just given birth a few weeks prior. The door code hadn’t been changed, much to her surprise. However, the sight of Rhysand had her turning tail and rushing back to the car. After that she didn’t return. So afraid of another run in.

 Cassian shook his head. “ Mor wouldnt do that. Not in my own home. I told her multiple times that you were welcome there. It must’ve been a misunderstanding.” Nesta scoffed, Of course that was his response. “ She would, and she did. Ask her the next time you see her. Also,-” She caught his eye. Her voice now laced with ice “ What happened to I’m not a liar? I should’ve known you’d doubt me. Where your friends were concerned. You always did. ” Standing up, she strode over to where he stood. Where Evie now squirmed in his grasp. “ She wants down.” 

  Nesta plucked her out of Cassian’s arms. Overpowering any resistance he put up. Disbelief evident on his face. After being put down. A beeline was made towards her toys.

 Nesta turned back to Cassian. Her anger bubbling up from the depths. Like a monster being awoken from slumber. But, before she could speak he ground out.” You had other ways to tell me. I had a phone. You could’ve called, or texted. Anything would’ve better than running. Completely vanishing off the face of the earth.”  He sighed, as he ran his hands through his hair. The bun now fully out of it’s elastic. Courtesy of a miss Evie Archeron.

 Rage simmered behind his eyes. But, he kept his tone low. “ Do you know how long we looked for you?Everyone was worried sick. Your phone was disconnected, You broke your lease, quit your job. You didnt exist anymore. All because of offhand comment.”

“ That’s what everyone seemed to want at the Christmas party, you included. I doubt anyone was worried when I vanished though.” Nesta laughed. “Everyone loved Morrigan’s idea. I just made it a reality. All of you should be thanking me. Mean, Nasty Nesta was no longer a issue.” Shaking her head, she marched to the kitchen. Intent on busying herself. It helped when thoughts ran rampant in her head. Cassian followed closely behind, his steps heavy.  “ That’s not what she meant. I gave her a warning for it too, regardless. Dont drag her, or the others into this. This-” He motioned between them” is about you and I”

  Nesta sneered “ What did she mean then? Please tell me what other interpretation there was. You’re taking her side. Just like you always have.” Taking a deep breath. She bent down and opened the dishwasher, calmly grabbing plates, putting them in the cabinets above. Her hands began to shake. A telltale sign she was stressed. Cassian must’ve noticed too. He always looked to her hands. When he couldnt figure her out.

He breathed and took a step back. His hands held up in surrender. “ I’m not taking sides here. I’m trying to understand. I want to understand, Nesta, thats it.”

“ Silence is still taking sides” The dishes now abandoned. She leaned over the counter. Peering over at Evie playing with her blocks. Blissfully unaware of the discourse. Without even looking at him, Nesta muttered “ I think you should leave. We can continue this another day. When she isn’t here. I dont want to fight in front of our daughter, please.” Today she would surrender. 

 Any and all fight left his voice at the word please. “ Okay. Before I go though. Where’s your restroom?”

 She pointed him to the hallway. This whole thing was a mess. One of her own doing. The only thing stronger than her anger now, was her fear. What would the others think. What would they say. She vanished from their lives. Cut all ties, and moved to the opposite side of town. Became an exotic dancer, and had a baby. Whose existance she kept from the father. A man who would’ve loved to be apart of everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Nesta heard their taunts already. They made her want to crawl in a ball. To just not exist.  She shook away the voices. But, they’d be back. Of that, she was certain.

  Cassian appeared out of the hallway. Making his way to Evie. Crouched on one knee. He began to coo once more.“ Hey Gorgeous, I’m gonna go now. You be a good girl for your mom ok.” her only response was a smile. He ruffled the small tuft of honey brown hair a top her head. Eliciting a joyful laugh. “ I’ll see you soon.”

  He met Nesta back in the kitchen. A somber look on his face. One of pity. He didn’t have that before. She hated it. Wanted it to go away. “I need your new number”. Nesta had almost forgotten to give it to him. Taking his phone, from his hand, she entered her number. Returning it once she was done. With nothing else left to say. He made his way to the door.

This will be heavy on the angst. If you’re looking for fluff, and quick romance. Turn back now. It’s going to get worse before it gets better. This was shorter than I would’ve liked it to be. But, I wanted it to end on a certain point. 🙈

Nesta Archeron’s days off were spent visiting her favorite bakery. Where she would indulge in warm, fresh chocolate croissants. Days off meant no schedules to adhere to. As well as no one to look good for. Which meant pajama’s all day sometimes. She could possibly read a book, or hang out with her friends. More importantly though, it meant she got to spend time with her favorite person. She wasn’t an overly chatty individual. Mostly she just listened to Nesta talk. Every now and again adding to the conversation.In her own special way. Her friends across the hall, Gwyn, and Emerie adored her the second they met her. Often begging to spend time with her. They said she was good company, and Nesta couldnt help but agree. It all made her happy.

But, at times, deep within herself. It also brought about a bitter feeling. Thoughts of what could’ve been. Had she not been such a coward. What could've been, had she let go of her damned pride for once in her life. It was too late for that now though. Without a doubt there was no going back. Too much damage had been done. The bridge was burned to cinders. So she looked toward the future she could look to. Ignoring taunts, the shadows whispered in the darkest parts of her mind. This was her life now. She chose this. Owning it was the only option.

So with croissants in hand, she chattered absently. As she rounded the corner to her hallway. Noting how it was getting hot outside. Which was only met with the sweet smile, and laughing eyes of her companion.

The sight of a man idly leaning against her doorway stopped Nesta dead in her tracks. She recognized those hazel eyes. As they bore into her, piercing that armor she worked so hard to forge. He always had that effect though. He always would.

For the past year she’d seen those same eyes.They haunted her, serving as a reminder of what she did. What she couldn’t take back. He shifted his stance. Pushing off the wall.

“ Nesta” he gruffed, no hint of the love they once shared. She wasn’t surprised. So she steeled herself. Standing straighter, she adjusted the bag on her shoulder “ Cassian”.

She didn't know why she expected to hear him call her Nes. Maybe it was wishful thinking on her part. The affectionate name had always calmed her. Not that she’d ever admit to it. But, No matter the tone, whether it be joking, gentle,or loving. It always made her feel special. It was just for her. He never called her by her full name, ever, until now.

Nesta’s mind wandered to the Christmas party. That had changed everything. Had it really been a year and half since she heard that name last? She recalled Rhysand, her sister Feyre’s arrogant fiance. How he’d poked at her and Cass’s relationship. Any civility between the two of them. Was purely for Cass and Feyre’s sake. Anytime they were alone together. No words were exchanged. Both content to sit in silence. Morrigan, Rhysand’s cousin, joyfully inserted her opinion that Elain would be a more palpable option for Cass. Something that even pulled a chuckle out of Amren. Who had once been a friend of sorts to her. In the end though she was never hers. Amren was Feyre's friend. She felt foolish for thinking otherwise.

Azriel though had never uttered any grievance towards her. In fact he often gave her small reassuring smiles. When she had become the topic of interest. In a less favorable way. She even saw him give Rhysand, his brother, a disapproving look. At the comment made about her and Cass’s relationship.

After that comment though. The digs kept coming. Nesta had sat herself in a stuffed armchair as they all berated her. One comment in particular had hit her hard. Made by Morrigan, no surprise there. A wish that she’d just go away. To his credit Cass gave her a look. But, she needed more than that. She knew most of them hated her. Thought she wasn’t good enough for Cass. It was an unspoken fact. Hell, she herself believed it. But, Nesta finally had enough when Morrigan pouted and draped her feet across her boyfriend's lap, wiggling her toes, A clear indication of wanting a foot massage. Her boiling point fully reached when Cass indulged her whim.

With that she had stood up, and made her way to the front door.Throwing it open, causing a resounding thud. As it hit the wall. Silence fell quickly after that. Cass had tried to intervene afterwards. She even heard Feyre call out for her. She was too angry, too hurt to care. Cass had fretted about the cold weather, and her lack of coat. Begged her to stay. To just talk to him. But, she heard none of it. If They wanted her gone. Then she’d do just that.

However a kink was thrown into her plan a few days later. One she didn’t see coming. One that scared her to her very core. If she was being honest.

Nesta showed up at Cass’s door the next day. She needed to talk to him. Wanted to talk to him.She missed him. She missed his morning cuddles. She missed the way that he denied using her shampoo, that idiot. Resolve was fresh in her mind. She was ready to talk to him. To figure out how to move forward together. Her hopes were slashed though when. His door opened only to reveal a sneering Morrigan. A waste of space she had called her. Before slamming the door in her face.

Nesta got a new number, broke her lease, quit her job, and moved across town. In the span of a few days. She assumed everyone was giving her space, by not showing up. When they did though most would be in for a much welcome surprise. She’d finally be out of their lives.

Her new job paid better for sure.The first six months she worked behind a bar. Learning different pouring techniques,and the proper way to mix drinks. After that she started working the floor. Balthazar, her boss, was adamant that all his employees get to their cars safely at night. Made this ridiculous buddy system. But, it worked. She was appreciative.

Her new apartment wasn’t much. A simple one bedroom. She’d made it a home though. Soon after moving in she met her neighbors. Gwyn, a spunky redhead. Who worked from home. She barely left her apartment. When she did leave. She’d dart over to anothers apartment.

Emerie owned a family shop. Something said family wasnt to thrilled about. But, she seemed unbothered by it. All of them had bonded over smutty books. Soon forming a genuine friendship. They cured her loneliness.

Concern for them not eating enough:

“Eat breakfast with me,” he said. There was a note in those words that made me pause. A note of what I could have sworn was desperation. Worry. I twisted, my loose clothes sliding over my shoulders, my waist. I hadn’t realized how much weight I’d lost.

Too thin. She must not be eating at all.

“You look like you could use a few big meals.

They are musically coded:

We were a song that had been sung from the very first ember of light in the world.

the music between their souls,

His heart was a raging, thunderous beat

the sense chanted, Mine. You are mine, and I am yours. Mate.

The worry over Fate or choice playing the bigger role:

My beautiful, strong, fierce mate, shackled to me—

“To accept a life shackled to me?”

“Well, I didn’t have a choice in being shackled to you, either.”

Longing:

I think it might have been mirrored on his: the hunger and longing

And it was the longing there—beneath the desire, beneath the need—it was the longing in those beautiful eyes that made me glance to the mountains tattooed on his knees.

I wondered why no one had yet mentioned what now shone in Cassian’s eyes as he gazed at my sister. The sorrow. And the longing.

Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing

The struggle against instincts:

And as for this one … ” I tried not to flinch away from meeting his stare. “She’s mine,” he said quietly, but viciously enough

Because I was jealous, and pissed off

Be patient with me, Feyre, if I’m a little on edge.”

The savage, wild snarl that ripped out of Rhys was like nothing I’d heard, and I gripped his arm as he whirled on Cassian. He’d seen the edge in Rhys’s eyes and known he had to dull it before we could go any further.

it didn’t stop him from grinding his teeth loudly enough that Feyre whispered to him beneath Nesta and Helion’s conversation, “What’s wrong with you?” “You’re acting like a caged animal."

“Because I was fucking jealous!” he roared, wings splaying. “You looked like a queen, and it was painfully obvious that you should be with a princeling like Eris and not a low-born nothing like me! Because I couldn’t stand the sight of it, right down to my gods-damned bones!

Touch her, smell her, taste her— The instincts were a running river. He fisted his hands at his sides.

Lucien’s attention went right to the hallway toward the back, his nostrils flaring as he scented Elain’s direction. And who she’d gone with. A low snarl slipped out of him—

But he remained sitting. Even as his fingers dug into the arms of his chair.

She takes his breath away:

I can’t breathe when I look at you.

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything but stare.

But he couldn’t breathe as she faced him fully.

Feeling the need to harm anyone who threatens their Mate (though they still control themselves well enough).

“I will kill anyone who harms you,” Rhys snarled

The flame, the surprising dominance within it, hit Cassian like a stone to the head, knocking him from his need to kill and kill and kill whatever might threaten—

His russet eye flashed with simmering rage. An uncontrollable instinct—for a mate to eliminate any threat.

She's the most beautiful Female he's ever seen:

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

In the moonlight, before the silvered lake, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Get her out of here before I kill her.” Rhys growled, a command in his voice as Cassian narrowed his eyes at Rhys in response, 

He knew Nesta had fucked up, knew that she had let her anger get the best of her and had let the news slip to Feyre, but if Rhys thought he would get away with threatening his mate because of something he had all forced them to do then he had another thing coming. 

“If you lay a hand on her then I have no choice then to make a move against you.” Cassian growled out as he swore Rhys stopped breathing.

“You’re playing a dangerous game Cassian, I am your High Lord, I don’t give a shit if she’s your mate or not, I. Don’t. Want. Her. Here.” 

Cassian sucked in a breath at the words. Of course Rhys had figured out what Nesta was to him, but the real question was how long had he known? He narrowed his eyes at him, Rage filling him. 

“Why? Because you got caught out in a lie of your own making?” 

“I did not lie.” Rhys breathed, his anger matching Cassian’s own. 

“Omitting the truth is just as bad as lying Rhys.” Cassian argued.

Rhys narrowed his eyes at him slightly, his jaw clenching as stars guttered in his eyes. 

“Be careful how you speak to me about omitting the truth. You of all people should understand why I chose to omit it.” 

Cassian narrowed his eyes slightly at Rhys’s choice of words. 

“Don’t bring up my relationship with Nesta, I haven’t told her about the bond because she’s not in the right place, and you of all people should understand that, after all that was another truth you omitted from your mate.” 

Rhys narrowed his eyes slightly at Cassian, but Cassian held his ground refusing to let him turn the tables when this whole situation wouldn’t have occurred if Rhys had just been honest. 

Rhys opened his mouth as if to argue as a swell of magic filled the room, Feyre popping up in the middle of it, a look of fury, betrayal, and disappointment etched on her features, all aimed at her mate, though when she turned her eyes on Cassian there was the barest hint of it for him as well. 

She turned to Cassian, giving him her full attention as if remembering another reason why she was there as she spoke, 

“I need you to go check on Nesta. When I left her she was in a bad place. I think- I think you may be the only one who can help her right now.” 

“Feyre, darling-” Rhys started as Feyre drew up her hand to silence him, turning a pleading glance towards Cassian, one that he could not deny. He had been complacent to Rhys’s actions. Had lied to her to, he owed her for this, and he owed it to his mate to make sure that she was alright too. 

Nope, but Elain certainly did with Nesta's.

Nesta sat by Elain's side for weeks, ensured she ate, ensured she couldn't leap to her death from the windows, kept Lucien away because she saw him as a threat but eventually relented to them having tea because Lucien might be able to help, over and over, Nesta used her powers so that Elain didn't have to put herself in danger. Nesta put her own trauma on pause to take care of Elain. They both went into the Cauldron but Nesta didn't have a chance to grieve for her life because she was taking care of Elain.

Cassian quickly moves to his mate. Concern is painted on his face, but none of the others seem to take in the seriousness of the situation. Feyre only sets her hands on her hips. 

“You’re pregnant?” Feyre gasps. 

“And you didn’t tell us!” Mor rages. 

“Why are you all here?” Azriel questions, carrying a basket of what Cassian knows is full of warm towels. He’s been here from the start and Cassian would be lying if he said, his brother’s presence didn’t calm him slightly. 

Perhaps it’s because Nesta seems relieved to see him too. She grasps his hands as he holds one out to her and Cassian once more tries to urge Nesta to go lie down where the House has already turned down the sheets.  

“What were you going to do? Show up with a baby in your arms and tell us you picked it up in the forest?” 

Cassian rolls his eyes at the dramatic tone of Rhys’s voice and one quick look at Nesta confirms she’s glaring at him too. But Nesta doesn’t chastise or complain, instead she straightens, her face blooming red as if it pains her to stand. 

Cassian rubs at her back, ready to scoop her up and have her rest until he can find the priestess who’s been most helpful with the pregnancy. Cauldron forbid one of them call Madja. 

“Should we call for Madja?” Elain questions, her eyes blinking widely. 

“Absolutely no one call Madja,” Cassian says, rubbing sweetly down Nesta’s back in what he hopes feels appeasing. “Madja doesn’t step foot here.” 

The others nod at his threatening tone. 

“And why are you here? It’s pouring outside… and where’s Nyx?” 

“Amren’s watching him,” Feyre says as if it’s obvious and pointedly looks to Nesta, “we were worried when you wouldn’t answer us.”

“I hate when you talk in my head,” Nesta answers through gritted teeth. 

“And lo and behold… you’re fucking pregnant!” 

“You’re having a baby,” Mor says, motioning to Nesta’s stomach. 

“Babies,” Nesta huffs out. “We’re having three.”