Texts From The Musketeers

Thank you <3

(480): Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.

(702): See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.

(813): Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.

(847): Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does

(519): I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.

(310): He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then

(989): Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?

(631): If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is

(978): People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex

(708): Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.

(304): Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

(646): I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.

(304): Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?