Musings of a Misanthrope

We all have things we want to let go of, and ways we prefer to do it. Slipping out the back door at night to run away into the silence and the sparkle of the stars. Giving ourselves entirely to another, losing ourselves to the closed eyes and sexual embrace of a lover. The days lost to staying in bed. The warmth of a strong drink, and the feeling of the alcohol sneaking back up your throat and forming a burning lump sleeping beneath your collar bone when you’ve had too much. The pulsing of club music echoing in your ears, or the sound of bar banter in the background of a game of pool with friends. The sobs that come when the dam finally bursts and the tears flow, uncontrollable and inconsolable for the few minutes before you go back to the routine, The weightless feeling of your body in open water, how it feels on your skin as you move through it with such grace. The smell of a freshly sparked joint, the way it lets the world feel softer-childproofing the sharp edges of life so they dont hurt so much. The way a good book feels like your story, feels like home. The lyrics that describe your life to a t. The freedom that exists in car dancing and turning up the music loud enough to drown out your singing (which, at this volume, is more shouting than singing). The way paint mixes with the brush, watching the colours swirl and get eaten up by each other until they form something new, something neither of them could be without the other, before moving to their final home on the canvas; where they’ll live forever on your wall, or collecting dust in the corner of your garage. The sweat that appears on your face as your lungs burn (and try to scream bloody murder, but there just isnt enough air) as you run, chasing out the pain (or running away from it). The confession over coffee with a friend. The thrill of going somewhere new, knowing there’s always the opportunity to change, the chance at a clean slate, the possibility to change everything about yourself and completely alter your life.
 There’s always the option for a new beginning when faced with an ending

love knows more. love knows    so much more than loneliness,       so much more than hesitation. so much more than regret. love knows dreams and desires. love knows compassion and community. love knows light in the darkness. love knows more;       but loneliness lives             louder. screaming into the darkness unable to find freedom. there are kisses that steal       your sleep. there are nightmares left to be lived. your heart can’t stay hollow forever. there will always be moments that are heavy and moments    that are light. there is room in your heart for both. you are capable of such great things.        stop standing in the way.