One of the things that stayed with me the most, was reflecting on traditional gender roles in the Our Lady of Perpetual Fortitude congregation and how it relates to religion in general.

Vera halts her life to raise a child she has no moral obligations towards. Simone is the church's biggest donor, keeping it operable basically by herself. Martha is the only employee handling administrative work in the church, keeping the treasure a secret her whole life. They are all endlessly devoted. They are all meant to be contrasts of Grace, the real "women of God," and in the end, it's thankless labor from all of them.

Vera's adopted brother is a selfish jackass who appreciates nothing about what she did for him. He saw her as just a free nanny to be "dumped" once his real father showed up.

Simone is being prayed on at her weakest and used as a cash cow, only to be told she can't be healed because she's a faithless woman.

And Martha only realises at the tail end of her life that her selfless devotion to a man and his teachings meant nothing to him. That he betrayed her the first chance he gets.

Wicks sees himself as blameless, has no standard for his own behavior. He's a disgusting, horrible man, who deserves none of their devotion.

When Vera and Martha realize that their whole life they trusted the story of the "harlot whore", only to experience the exact same treatment even after doing everything in their power not to be like her, that's the first time they can reflect on her, and when they finally realize:

Watch what you say. She's very religious.

Before I identified as very trans and very gay, I spend my teen years first inaccurately identifying as heterosexual and later inaccurately identifying as ace, and of those two, inaccurately identifying as ace was MASSIVELY better. Identifying as ace saved me from all the pressure of trying to be sexual in a body that I wasn't comfortable in, with partners who weren't right for me. The aroace community gave me the words to say 'no' to sex at a time when no sex was exactly what I wanted.

Stevie Nicks

I kept thinking of this quote last night when I was watching the Golden Globes. I really thought that there was a horribly icky tone toward women and their accomplishments. It started with that horribly sexist and totally unfunny opening monologue, and then kept chugging along with casual misogyny. Despite all the really strong female performances and intriguing stories about women’s lives, wants, and desires, it felt like a really big men’s club meeting to me last night.

I felt it the most in regards to “Barbie.”  Margot Robbie and Greta Gerwig shepherded that movie to be the most successful movie of 2023, yet all people could comment on were boobs. It was gross.

I hate this narrative, because the exact same thing happened with Lady Bird and Little Women. The movies are properly recognized, and given a lot of praise for their insights into the lives of women. Then award season that goes around, and suddenly they are belittled for being too “superficial” or “slight.”  Men’s coming-of-age stories are treated as sacrosanct and universal while women’s are treated as frivolous and “niche.” Seems like the only time a woman’s story is given value if the woman truly suffers in the story – illness or death has to be involved, or else it’s as if the story doesn’t have merit.

Women’s stories have just as much value as men’s stories – I don’t care if they are a comedy or a drama or what. A female character doesn’t need to shed tears or shed blood in order to be valuable. I feel like Poor Things suffers a bit of the same issue – it’s boiled down to being simply “horny” and hence Bella’s voyage to discovery of what she really wants, and embracing life, is ignored. Oppenheimer is allowed to have a sex drive, because it makes him complex and edgy . But Bella Baxter has a sex drive, and suddenly it makes her silly and “a caricature.”

I just hate the fact that Barbie is being dismissed because it uses a light touch for the serious subject of exploring girlhood to womanhood- what is gained and what is lost. Just because it’s funny doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a legitimate message to share.

I have so many thoughts of this, but I’ll go back to Stevie’s quote. Ultimately, women are punished for what they are initially praised for.