coleconnerhqâ:
âYou donât know me!â he spits out, a hand slamming on the glass wall, anger and ice filling the gaps in his soul that their friendship left behind when heâd tried to drain himself of it. His voice seems to shake as well, and itâs because thereâs truth in his statement too. It may not be the same lie heâs trying to sell now, but Cole canât in good conscious say heâd ever really been the man Owen had known, and the pain of that is what drives him. âEverything I ever gave you was a lie. Every conversation, every laugh, every moment you shared with me, none of it was real. Itâs an act, one Iâm very good at. Itâs not your fault I fooled you, but you have no else to blame if you keep trying to fool yourself,â Cole snaps, his demeanor fully changed. He holds the grief, the drowning at bay, not allowing his throat to close or his eyes to sting and willing those feelings instead to feed the burning ache in his chest, to morph them into the cold venom in his voice. If he can just get through this, if he can just break Owen before he breaks himself, theyâll be able to go their separate ways. But itâs not easy to stand there and break the best man heâs ever known. Itâs a mistake, but Cole thinks briefly of London, of the way heâd foolishly hoped one day heâd be walking the streets of his hometown with Owen at his side, finding a way to finally heal from all the mess of the last two years, to find peace and forgiveness and a new beginning. Now he stands trapped, maybe for good, Owen on the other side where heâd never be able to reach again. The thought threatens awful tears, so instead he quickly turns, lowering his gaze from the other boy. âIâm telling this for your own good, Musa. Thatâs the last thing I can do for you.â
The shaking of his hands is one that he canât seem to stop no matter how hard he tries to focus his energy on doing so. He balls them up into fists instead, knows that Cole will probably take that as a sign that heâs won this argument, as a sign that Owen is now clearly upset at him. Itâs difficult to make someone like Owen upset, however, he doesnât think that he has ever genuinely been mad at anyone in his life. Thereâs so much that can be figured out when people sit down to talk to each other, when people are honest but right now Cole is still not being honest. He knows that itâs time for him to leave and walk way from his friend but his feet seem to be planted to the ground all because heâs afraid that this is going to be the last time he will ever see him. Remembering Cole this way instead of remembering all the other moments theyâd shared together seemed entirely unfair. Heâs aware that his own thoughts and actions are selfish because Cole and everyone that is down here with him have hurt people beyond measure and maybe he would feel different if he had ever been one of those affected but he couldnât change the truth. âYou were trying to protect me.â Says this more quietly, specifically for the two of them. Itâs not something he knows to be the truth but he has to believe that itâs the truth because he isnât sure who he is going to become once Cole is gone. Itâll be just like losing a limb, he could learn to live and work without it but the absence would always be felt. Like a ghost haunting the house of his memories, ever present but never really there. âIâll see you.â Itâs a promise and with it he turns his back, shutting his eyes for a moment as if this will help him not look back. If you look back you lose him forever, if you leave now you lose him forever. Though being haunted even by the memory of Cole would be better than being forced to pretend he never existed to begin with.Â














