YOU JUST BURN, KID

It didn’t cross her mind that after living like a vegetable for so long that when she was healing maybe the parts of her that felt emotion got put back wrong, backwards even making her something more damaged than whole, but appearances were everything, and here she was  four years later and no one dared to ask about the scars you could see, she was as normal as you and me, for all any one else knew…she knew better. Even with Fred dead her happiness was fleeting. While his blood washed down the drain she felt her warmth go along with it and now here she was standing in the one spot where she was supposed to take it all back. Her toes moved over the carpet while holding onto the clothes meant for Miles, she’d forgotten him until his voice came from beside her. Turning her face up, her eyes bruised with lack of sleep she could only sigh. “I thought when he died I’d feel better- like I’d feel normal again but..” She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I could kill him again and a hundred more just like him and I’d still be me.”

There was a moment there where he actually saw some vulnerability come across from her. Almost made her seem human. It was a strange thing to witness because up to this point Miles had wondered if she even had blood running through her veins instead of acid. She spoke and he nodded. Miles knew that getting rid of the people who harmed you didn’t necessarily make things better. Sure, the abuse stopped once the Murphy’s were gone but life was still shit. Now there was guilt and consequences and Miles paid for his mistakes on full. He wished he could give her some comfort but there was little he could say or do to fix the situation. This was something that Lux would have to live with. He did find it interesting that she was getting so emotional over her lack of feelings. Lux was such a contradiction. 

“Nothing wron’ with being you.” Miles was not sure if that was the truth or the thing she wanted to hear but he said them anyway. “I know ye want yer life back, but that part’a ya is gone. All ye’ve got is today. You just ... keep at it, yunno?” Miles heard himself talking but he knew he was probably not making any sense. He was tired and in a desperate need for a shower. “Sorry, I ain’t great with pep talks. Least now you’ve got closure. You stood up to ‘im, yeah? And yunno ‘es not gonna try to ‘urt ya again.” There was a part of him who wanted to reach out and hug her but he simply brushed the tear off her cheek with his thumb. “S’ gonna be alrite.”

If it had been her she would have used it to her advantage, she would have owned him like he undoubtedly owned her. “Fuck…” She mumbled reaching out for his hands. “You need a mani fucking bad.” She replied before cutting the water off and gingerly taking the towel from his hands. “I bleached the place while you were gone-” She said over her shoulder while she towel dried her blonde tresses, and just like that a flip had been switched and Lux was unreadable, all swaying hips and eyes that stopped at the surface, she gave nothing and took everything. “You should burn those clothes as well- I’ve got a few things that Allan left around…you look about his size.” Dropping the towel Lux moved out of the bathroom and into the hallway where she froze, her eyes focused just where she had taken Fred’s life, where Miles had made it possible. It was justifiable homicide and she still felt hallow.

Miles closed the door behind him, not really caring much about the loud noise it made. His shoes slipped off and his jacket too. His hands were still dirty but he had scrubbed them clean as best as he could. She stared at him just a few feet away and he stared back and watched her leave the tub. She smelled of a new shower. The whole place did mixed with the awful smell of disinfectant and bleach. Her hands looked red and bitten down. He wanted to ask as many questions as he could but what would he get out of it? Lux rarely opened up to him but at least he knew now why she was the way she was and it was something. Miles had enough on his mind. Lilith constantly was making it around his thoughts and what she’d think of him if she knew what he had done for someone else. 

Lux mentioned a mani but he ignored her. It was typical of her to brush everything under the rug and act like it was all a big fucking joke. Miles’ world did not function that way. He couldn’t close his eyes and pretend that the world had disappeared because when he opened them back again he would still see red and Fred’s face turning purple and flames eating up his foster parent’s flesh. She did have a point though. His clothes smelled like death and petrol. So he  started to undress while she fetched him a change of clothes. Miles didn’t have much to say at this point. “Lux?” He finally called for her when he realized she was taking a long time to return. He stepped out of the bathroom wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and socks and he saw her there. she was naked, and standing right next to the spot where Fred bled out. He moved to stand right beside her but he didn’t dare touch her. “If you wanna talk about it, you can.”

A series of frantic text, a few calls that went to voicemail, he was with her…he had to be, where else could he be if he wasn’t at her throat, hating her, tearing her a part at the seams. She needed him like she needed a hole in the head, desperately, and not at all. The thought of him made her fingers shake and her stomach turn with sickness, she felt everything and still there was nothing. An echo of a heart beat adding volume to the empty spaces where soul and lungs, and life should be. A shell of a girl who grappled at anything that would allow her to feel. Lux was needy that way, hungry for feeling. Even taking Fred’s life only offered a temporary fix, it was Miles who proved over and over again to be the proverbial band-aid to her conscious problem, or lack there of. Not that he suddenly showed her the light, contrary. She found the dark in him, it was much like her own, almost illuminate and it was something she took twisted joy in playing with. 

Over running water she heard him pull up, the door was left a jar on purpose, he’d come in, he’d always come in even when he told himself not to, even when he fought against her, she beckoned him like a siren singing her sailor into dark waters, forgetting that lovers often drown. Running her fingers over the wall she only called his name while shifting against water. “In the bathroom-” She called again turning slightly when she heard foot steps grow closer. “Will you get me a towel…I’ve been scrubbing blood from beneath my nails all night.” Her position betrayed her confident words, her knees pulled close to her chest, her avoidant gaze; how sick did it make her to admit she enjoyed taking Fred’s life, that she delighted in the carnal pleasure of fucking him. Oh what a sick little girl, she thought idly waiting on him, she’d never admit it aloud, she’d never say it aloud, not on purpose any way.

Miles didn't want to leave Lux alone for too long after what happened. The girl's unpredictability was always a concern to him. He could never anticipate her reaction and he wasn't sure how she was going to handle this. Still, there was a body to dispose of and he was not going to drag Lux along just so she could be in the way. No, Miles took care of things.

He drove as far as he could. Half a pack of cigarettes gone on the way, Miles was a mess already. Thinking about what had happened.. what he’d done. His mind drifted from that back to Lux then to Lilith. Drive faster. Death. Lux. Lilith. Fred. The Murphy’s. Death. Death. Death. Miles pulled off the road and walked out on a dirt road until it ended. Farther and farther. He could smell the body through the bags. Miles managed to dig a hole with his hands, good thing the dirt was loose. Just enough to cover it all maybe a foot down. He tossed the bag, dumped a decent worth of lighter fluid on it and boom. It lit up and he backed off. His eyes watched the fire burn high then into ashes on the ground. It still smelled. It took forever. Everything took forever, like he was stuck in an infinite time loop that didn’t end. Burning bones. Once the ash settled, he shoved as much dirt over it as he could. His hands were painted in dirt but the deed was done. Everything was hidden beneath the ground away from the two of them.

He took his time going back, even taking a few stops to wash up at separate petrol stations. His hands were still stained with mud and dirt right up to his finger nails. His mind was turning blank. Another hour gone and he was back in front of her house. He stared up and saw her in the window. He sighed because part of him didn’t want to go back in. Yet his feet still carried him inside. Her voice sounded off from the bathroom. A towel. Yeah. Miles reached for one before making his way inside where she was curl into a ball. “Here. All sort'ed. You alrite?”