eat the rude

it really pisses me off that you’re gone. tumblr is the only social media network that i didn’t have you on. you would have laughed at my past shit-posting.

i’m still so angry. i still think about you before i go to sleep. this entire situation feels unreal, and so unfair. i was just at your wedding. every memory we have is dated weeks ago. months. years.

i didn’t tell you this because we weren’t soft with each other. you made me mad like no other. you made me rage quit more times that i can count, all while you’re laughing. i miss your big uncle laugh so much. when you left, your wife messaged me to break the news, and she told me that you loved us so much.

i love you too, homie.

i wish i told you that. i hope you really knew how much you meant to me. you were my soul friend. the person who understood me on a different level. i could talk about anything with you, i could ask the dumbest questions and you would always answer. we would make dead dad jokes together, be crude, and i would tell you to shut up. i can hear b in the background telling you to shut up. remember your daughter calling us your dumbass friends? we’ll always be your dumbass friends. it’s weird not hearing about them. it’s going to be weird watching them grow up without you. i have been keeping in touch with your wife. it’s funny because we would always joke about our friendship expiring, and that i would move on to become friends with her instead. she is such a strong person. i know you’re so proud of her.

farmer was your pallbearer, which i know you know about. it made me laugh because we know how he hates going to funerals, but you made him go anyway. he was trying to be strong, but this broke him. this broke all of us. R told me that someone welcomed farmer to big house, and i can hear you laughing at him. he ended up there all along.

it’s stupid because i had so many questions about the funeral process, and you’re the one i would usually ask. i couldn’t ask you about your own funeral, obviously. i couldn’t ask the others because they didn’t know about it as much as you do, or they didn’t know how to explain it. i loved how knowledgeable you were. i miss that connection we had. i’m going to miss sharing our cultures with each other. i even asked B about the afterlife with your culture, because i only remember some of what you told me. she told me about it, and she also told me about the reading that your niece had. i’m happy that you’re happy and healthy, but i’m still mad that you’re gone.

what i would give to have my inbox full of tiktok’s you sent me. on every platform, by the way. i keep sending them to you, i can’t seem to stop myself.

i’m finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that this is the going to be the first year without you in it. 2026 is so empty.

mr. flackez is watching rez dogs right now, i can hear the war cry and it instantly made me think about you. i can hear your voice imitating the cry, sounding exactly like him.

it’s the dumb things that i’m sad about. i’m sad you’re missing the last season of stranger things. i’m sad that you missed the simpson’s season of fn, and the harry potter skins and christmas easter eggs. i almost gifted you one of the skins. bleach was also added, and i knew you would have bought them too. who am i going to talk about the next demon slayer movie with? i also watched 1883, and it was so good. i almost messaged you to talk about it. it’s so hard remembering that i can’t. well, i still message sometimes, but it’s hard knowing that you won’t message back.

i’m so thankful i was able to make it to your wedding. i loved the ceremony, the mask dance, the shakers. i loved that i was able to experience it all. i loved the love, the aunty laughs, the hugs, the warmth. i wish we had more time.

i miss you so much, stupid.