Oh, uh you have a twin brother?â Joseph asked, unsure of what he was seeing.
His Hinge date, Tyler, in duplicate. The same guy twice. Photocopied completely in the same sheepish smile, bright eyes and facial scruff. Even their identical cut hair was styled in the same exact way, every slightlyu messy strand matching a counterpart on the other.
Aside from the clothes at least. One of the two dressed as heâd met Tyler hours before, patterned button up, casual slacks and new boots. The other though dressed uncharacteristically, wearing a leather jacket and leather pants that seemed built for a larger gruffer man. Not that Tylerâs twin didnât look stunning in it, just that he seemed to need a belt.
âTwin brother?â the one in the leather jacket apologized, hooking a belt loop on his jeans to adjust their loose fit over a rock-hard erection. âNah I just have a sisterâ the other said, adjusting his own slacks for his identically hard monster.
âUhâŚ. Okayâ Joseph said in front of his finished plate of ravioli. Heâd sat here for twenty minutes thinking Tyler had dined and dashed. The waitress had looked at him pityingly. Heâd been so mad and so sad.
His own erection was uncomfortable in the stupid tight jeans, watching the presumably two Tylers squeezed into their side of the table booth, easily occupying each otherâs space. The leather of oneâs jacket squeaking against the polymer seats as the other quickly tried to dig into his long cold meal. By the grimace on the guyâs face, the cold steak didnât hit as hard as it had been twenty minutes ago.
Joseph would feel cold satisfaction if he wasnât so hypnotized. He shook himself out of it.
âWho is this Tyler? Is this a fucking jokeâ he nearly shouted. The waitress across the room noticed their strange table, shooting him a bewildered look before cautiously backing away from whatever this was.
Tyler, both of him, had the audacity to look aghast at him for a few moments before they both seemed to realize the same thing.
âWait how long has it beenâ the one in leather said, trying to read a clock uselessly on his wrist. It was loosely dangling there, and the man didnât have a clue on how to adjust it. It was unfortunately pathetically cute.
âAt least 15 minutesâ the other said thoughtfully chewing, as if reading the time by the lukewarmness of his 40-dollar steak. He looked disappointed at the meal, the same stupid wet cat look of the other on his face.
The took a moment beforeâŚ. âSorryâ they said in perfect synchrony. The same tone and everything. Even that took them by surprise, the two shooting each other a quick surprised grin before they schooled their expressions back into appropriate sorryness
Josephâs brain was boiling just trying to think right now.
âItsâŚ.fineâŚ.I justâŚâ he tried, eyes trying to focus on one Tyler, but unable to linger as he caught the other fidgeting. God Tyler had been distracting, but two were awful. âI donât know what to even sayâ he decided
âUh it took longer than expectedâ the Tyler in the button up said sheepishly, adjusting his collar. There was dirt on it, Joseph noticed.
âHe, I mean uh I guess I, really fought himâ the other said, laughing awkwardly, scratching his shadow of facial hair. Taking a bite of the cold steak the other had carefully cut and seeming to experience the same disappointment of the coldness of it. âIts fine though, no one got hurt!â
Fought? They fought? Why? Does fighting take twenty minutes? Why were there two Tylers. Was Joseph dreaming. If he was, they better get to the fun part of it by now rather than this weird trippy part. Where Joseph got dicked down by two copies of a handsome stranger on hinge rather than grappling with the reality of it.
âIts just I, I mean we, after hearing your funny threesome story with your exâ The one in the button up said, desperately explaining as he seemed to watch Joseph reel in his internal spiral of questions. âSo I just thought I could make some backupâ
âIâm the backupâ the other said brightly.
Joseph decided he was dreaming. The ravioli had been suspiciously good for a chain fine dining restaurant. What even was a DJs Eats.
âAlrightâ Joseph said, staring down the waitress. They understood each other on a level heâd nbever thought heâd achieved in knowing someone for an hour. She subtly mouthed âWhat the fuckâ as she casually handed him a glass of whiskey.
âOh can I, uh we, have one of thoseâ One of the Tylers chirped up.
âSureâ the Waitress said flatly, before shooting Joseph another look. Two more whiskeys later and Joseph had decided sheâd earned her forty percent tip. It was a dream anyways. It had to be.
They sipped their whiskeys, or at least Joseph did. The Tylers didnât seem to enjoy the drinks, their forced efforts to look like they appreciated the flavor done in reflection before the cold arbitor that was Joseph. God they were dorks and the alcohol already rushing into his brain really calmed the part that was still screaming why over and over.
âSo what were we talking about before, the Knicks?â One of them said, the other nodding.
âNoâ Joseph said, cool confidence from the strong pour of whiskey in his veins. âExplain what you two are? Aliens? Changelings? Backup how? Is this my subconcious punishing me for watching that twin porno?â he said, almost calmly.
The two seemed to light up at that last part, a manic glint in their matching crazy perfect eyes. âYou like twins?â They said, as if theyâd just lucked into a winning gamble.
âFocus pleaseâ he said, sinking down into his plastic booth cushions.
âUh I guess Iâm a cloneâ the one in the leather jacket said, not unsubtly adjusting his leather pants again. He nudged the other who was also mirroring him, trying to adjust his own far too tight boxers, clearly peaking out under his shirt. âThis guy was kind enough to help me come into myself. You know like be a better man and stuffâ
âSome pathetic neo-Nazi skinhead-type tried to come onto me in the bathroomâ the other said helpfully, stretching his arms back from his painfully clearly erect cock and smoothly wrapping an arm around the otherâs neck in clear affection. âHe seemed miserable so I thought Iâd cut the guy a break. Sucks being a cunt, so I gave him the chance to not be one?â
âEh we might still be cuntsâ the one in the leather jacket said apologetically, shrugging at Tyler. Was that self-awareness?
âSo, what happenedâŚ..â Tyler digested, lightly swirling the ice in his whiskeyless glass, âis you gave a man youâre body after he tried to grope you? In the bathroom of a DJ Eats.â
âYeah, sorry about this place, the area seems oddly conservative now that we are hereâ the one in the patterned shirt said, looking around the place. To be fair, it was a steak house.
âYou were pretty much correct though, although its not just the bodyâ The one in the jacket said, seeming now just to be self-consciously checking the patches on his jacket and inspecting them for dog whistles. The guy would get away Scott free on it though. Joseph had been eyeing him up and down. He hadnât seen any swastikas, lightning bolts or 1488s on the guyâs nicely creased leather. Just rock bands and motorcycle clubs hung off the creases shaping around Tylerâs well-formed arms.
The other patted his twin. âThis guyâs me completely. Took out all the creepy stuff and stuffed myself inside. My little bro!â He said, winking at Joseph.
God he was hard and now he was sure the Tylers thought he got off to that sibling dynamic.
âSo, you just completely overwrote some guyâ Joseph said, watching the supposedly elder Tyler jokingly noogie his twin brother. Joseph could appreciate the attempt at playing up the dynamic with the goal of turning him on, given thatâs what they were doing. Why was he into the weirdest shit.
âYeah, Its like bodyswapping manâ One said with, unsatisfied with leaving questions unseeded.
âJust like bodyswapping the other agreed.
âObviouslyâ Joseph said, hoping the waitress could read his mind again and supply him with more liquid sanity.
âYeah, we discovered it what⌠like freshman year of collegeâ One said toi the other.
âYeah, in the dorm when weâd tried to take over Francoâs body. Hiccuped on the transfer and suddenly Iâd left a copy of myself in Francoâ
âNice guy after thatâ
âTook a while to figure out shaping bodies thoughâ
âYeah, this is actually the first time weâve gone so farâ
âDonât think its reversible:
âNot like weâd tryâ
âOk you two I get itâ, Joseph said, trying to fight a grin a tweedle dee and tweedle dum. God the two were so corny, bickering. By all means this was a bit, Joseph wanted to say. It wasnât though. âSo you two are warlocks-â
âEh kind of, but anyone can do what we do it just takes breathing exercise-â
âWarlocksâ Joseph continued. âWarlocks who wanted to impress me by eating some creep and popping out a twin so I could fuck two of youâ
The Tylers nodded. One gave a thumbs up.
âThis is insaneâ Joseph sighed, watching their expressions fall for a moment before he put a hand up to pause them in their collective disappointment.
âDoesnât mean I hate itâ He said, leaning on the table. Enough to taste the whiskey coming off from them. The two Tylers seemed to wobble, clearly lightweights. They leaned forward as if Joseph was a magnet with stupid cute grins. Joseph could barely think at the overpowering idea of him sandwiched by the two handsome jesters. Curiosity had come with the booze though and this dream could get better.
âYou talk about this shit like its easy. Show meâ He said.
The two glanced at each other before their grins covered their face. God he could already imagine the wet spot in the twoâs pants with the imagination so clearly visible in their all too expressive eyes.
âLike we change you into us or-â
âTwo minds, one body-â
âOr three minds, one body fuck-â
âBoysâ He said, and they quieted, instantly. God they were like puppies, so ready to please.
âShow me how to do itâ he demanded, leaning forward enough to kiss the one in front of him. He mustâve, given the way that Tyler blushed and the other seemed elated. God he was drunk.
âTheres that bar with a lot of shitheadsâ One nearly shouted in ramping excitement.
âWhat is it Satanâs Anus or somethingâ the other thought, although he was already clumsily typing it into google maps. â3-minute walk, thank god.â He said, the other doing his part by waving over the waitress who seemed ready to shove a bill into his hands. It seemed expensive, but neither noticed. Had Joseph drunk more than one whiskey? Either ways, drunk hands worked the apple pay. Joseph shrugged at the waitress after and was hurt to see the women look at him as if he was now part of this supernatural occurrence. No longer someone to commiserate with, now he was the loony toon.
âTrust me its so easyâ One said, pulling him out the door of DJ Eats fine dining. The other practically hung off Joseph as they tumbled away, likely the one heâd kissed. He couldnât tell who was who even with their different clothes. They were too much in motion.
Heâd hold them down soon and make them messy enough to differentiate. Hell maybe two of him could work together to figure it out. Wasnât that a funny thought.
The three of them fell into the night.
Joseph awoke to a body beside him.
A body that wasnât the triplets unconscious around him, with their scruff and overly hot bodies befitting of their wild energy. Even in sleep they seemed manic, twitching and cuddling into him.
It wasnât their bright eyes that looked back at Joseph bleerily, recounting the same night. A bar bathroom. A fight. A long walk on too many feet, wearing clothes that didnât fit. Hands on himself and hands on Tyler. Long showers, too full of bodies trying to wash off the exercise of so many bodies in the same bed. It was a big bed. Comfy. Comfy more so with so many warm blankets of men.
Joseph looked at himself.
âFuck it wasnât a dreamâ One of them said.
âHell no it wasnâtâ another voice said from aways the room. Another Joseph in nothing but a apron by the bedroom door. Looking all the world pissed that he was standing there while they slept. A greasy spatula in hand. The sound and smell of eggs in the room over.
They both stared agape at their clone.
âGet over it you two, thereâs enough of us that weâre already out of ingredients. Yâall slept in so you get to go buy more. Now get dressed and get going fuckers. Seems like Tyler canât cook for shit, so weâre working double duty.â
Joseph could hear other voices outside the bedroom. His voice. Largely. Duplicated too many times over.
This was insane. Insane. A insane dream.
He felt the insanity inside him, burbling in easy waves under his skin. It was easy, just like Tyler said it was. Ready to warp and shift as he needed. As he plural needed.
âGuess we got to get going Joeâ
âGood initiate boysâ their apron self said with a narcissistic grin. âLetâs feed those dorks, lord knows the Tylers doubled themselves far more than us. Get ready for a long long weekend. Weâve earned it. And if you pick up any more Joes at the grocery store, buy extra food and donât tell Tyler. Man is competitive with this shitâ
âOkayâ Joseph sighed into his double, nearly waking a Tyler.
This was insane. Curled up beside himself, staring in sync at a particularly adorable Tyler. Cloned countless times over. An entire dive bar worth of bodies now in Tylerâs generously sized loft.
Altogether a good first date though.