You've been Mullered

I’m always a slut for lying in bed for hours on end doing nothing productive.

stop feeling sad and acting weird you bitch (the bitch is me)

this is an advanced joke

when exactly is uptown funk gon give it to me?

saturday night when you’re in the spot did you not hear bruno

browsing tinder is such a brutal confrontation with the harsh reality we live in. you’re just swiping through, awful guy, awful guy, awful guy, and you’re thinking like how is this real, how are there so many awful men in this world. surely there can’t be more. but there are always more. 

anyone else fucking LOVE BEING IN BED???

bitch im in bed right now!! how did you know!!

This is so funny for so many reasons

Me @ Bayern

That is cool af

why the fuck do people have to YELL AT SPORTS ON THEIR TV I don’t wanna hear it ever again

I have to let the sportsmen know what to do they are lost without my guiding hand. the tiny men on the TV run for my enjoyment the least I can do is be a leader to them,

FACT OF THE DAY:  the reason why you can’t dig a hole through the earth and come up on the other side is because your shovel would melt. that’s it.  that’s the only reason.

what if you bring a second shovel that you put in the fridge beforehand to make it cold

yeah that’ll work

the second radish is 29 feet away