I cannot lose any weight, I cannot stop thinking about my weight

I am addicted to l@x@tiv€s and they do NOTHING

i keep messing up

and i am tired

i got my period and i was so hungry because of that that throughout the whole day i ate corn cereals (at least without any sugar) and 4 slices of toasts with butter and cheese 😭

guys i feel i am going to be heartbroken again

i already felt ana (and sometimes mia) was creeping up my neck, because when i binged i threw up few mins later these past few weeks, but i still ate a lot not to lose much weight

but this week i ate almost nothing, yesterday i had to eat like 2 eggs with some cheese as i was so dizzy and tired, and i need to function for work

and today i baked like 4 slices of sweet potatoes also with cheese, and a plain white yoghurt in the morning as i got sick few days prior

and due to the first part, i can already feel it and ana just keeps thriving from it because she keeps screaming if i would be thin, if i would just stick with her plan much earlier, he would behave in much nicer way and maybe be with me

but i did not listen to her fully

and here we are

So I have just moved abroad this month and will not be home till june. As my money budget is very tight, I want to improve myself and stop binding with everything I see.

I want to take back control.

I want to come home after those months and want everyone to tell me that I’ve lost weight.

I’ve gained too much and I feel so disgusting :(

If you’re in recovery, I totally support you! If you don’t like this topic, please just block me, this is my safe space.