【Ｍｕｆｆｉｎ】

1. Living Stones

these plants imitate rocks. who does that?

imagine deciding to straight up evolve into rocks as a defense mechanism. i had a whole rant planned but now i’m remembering that i have, in the past, on multiple occasions, daydreamed about being a rock. like that has been a recurring theme in my rich inner fantasy life. i would not forsake the opportunity to evolve into a stone.

2. Hooker’s Lips

ostentatious. flamboyant. vulgar. garish. randy. dare i say whorish? yes. this plant is whorish.

pucker up you hussy

3. Hoya Hearts

overused trope. lacks subtlety and creativity. truly, they just went with the first thought to pop in their head, no brainstorming involved. “ho ho ho i’m just gonna grow into a fucking HEART, that’ll show em!” Needy & basic bitch. looks cute on a desk

4. Lifesaver Plants

manages to be both psychedelic and disapproving. reminiscent of a prudish great aunt–but like, one who did a lot of LSD in the 70s. evidence of an alien lifeform who crash landed and then decided, fuck it, i’m gonna rent a one-story in the midwest and decorate it with vintage wood paneling & floral upholstery. probably smells like stale weed and glass ashtrays

5. Happy Alien Flowers

yes that is their NAME. sort of anticlimactic, but take a gander:

they are absolute sluts for drama, as demonstrated by the little hussies pictured above are YELLING AT ME. they bring to mind seagulls engaged in a Shakespearean blood feud. this flowers have committed aggravated manslaughter and probably got away with it too.

6. Bat Plant 

aka Cat’s Whiskers aka Devil Flower. how fucking emo is that??? this plant listens to mcr and is probably the gay cousin. they never got the hang of eyeliner but that doesn’t stop them from trying, bless em. their impetuous devil-may-care persona is hindered by their crippling social anxiety. i’m immensely fond of this plant. they’ll come into their own once they graduate and move away from college, but in the mean time they sit with the tech crew at lunch. you go little Bat Plant! 

 7. Dancing Plants

total band kids. also called Semaphore Plants, bc they look like they’re trying to flag down a plane. nifty fuckers 

"There is no straight explanation for this." - great. doesn't exclude platonic from the conversation. Only works for queer couples

oh… sorry no not the archaeologist, i mean Pastor Carter from Mineral Town!

(or is it Pastor Curdy….?)

teeechnically his descendant, and it causes a game over… but this is the only time we’ve been able to marry him right?

so in the girl version of HMDS, there’s two “secret” Mineral Town bachelors that you can marry by talking to them enough times on the phone. one is Mason, the guy who runs May’s Tailoring… but the second, Pastor Carter, is a bit more obscure…

i couldn’t find them uploaded anywhere so here are his 2nd* thru 10th conversations+his proposal+proposal rejection in english! if you want to see it on youtube instead here you go

*i failed to record the first conversation when it happened, and there’s no way in hell i’m resetting my whole game again (…yet), so…just know the first one was like “oh you want to talk? what should we talk about…….. …… ….. …. i can’t think of anything. well see ya………” extremely riveting stuff

he’s so obscure that i didn’t even realize that he was a bachelor until i found out about the mechanic from this japanese wiki!! (here’s an archive link to the page on him in case the page doesn’t work) all i did was test whether it worked in english since i couldn’t find any english info at all mentioning it. i’m sure others have found him… right……..

in case the links above don’t work, a small guide to holy matrimony below the cut since i can’t find one in english

be a lurker. just read things and think about them without feeling the need to weigh in or call out or disseminate everything you encounter. it's so nice and so freeing and it's a good way to learn things.

So, very unfortunate news. I actually received a follow up in the mail, too.