chinese beth march

the older i get, the more i have to come to understand that the purpose of my life and my life's work is to love others, to care and serve and dedicate myself to them. which isn't to say i don't have other desires and ambitions, but loving others is the most important one, and the only one that actually matters. frankly, the more i come to realise this, the more i feel a little repulsed and even insulted to think that anyone could devote themselves to anything other than love - wealth? status? making great art? what trivial and insignificant things to chase after when you could love another human being

went to two friends' weddings last weekend - i was so incredibly happy and full of energy on both days and i truly am so full of love for both of them, but now that it's over i've crashed back down to earth quite hard. i've gotten so much better about these sorts of feelings the past couple years and i really am in a better place, but nonetheless i really did feel my loneliness so keenly. both of them were couples who had been together for 9+ years, and it makes me sad to think that, even if i do find love soon - and i maintain hope that i will!!! - there will be those 9 years of my short life i never get to have with my person. i really hope i can still have some of those years with someone someday