A day in the life

I've been messaging my fiancee in between to let them know I'm doing alright and I feel like I forgot how to have fun lol. I know I used to get so stuck in my head and I don't think that has left me.

I think one of the hardest things for my mind and body to do is lose control. I feel like I'm always doing my best to work, take care of my fiancee, love on our cat, take care of coworkers, learn as much as I can on the job, manage other people's lives with the chaos that comes in, make sure Jupiter is eating right, and really.. I think a lot of my life revolves around being responsible all the time from morning to night for a lot of people but I haven't thought too much of myself in the process. It's not that I'm not important but I go about my life in a somewhat egoless way. No matter how many things are put in my way, I take care of most of em with the exception being I haven't figured out my finances yet or I don't know how to relax.

A regular routine for me Monday through Friday is to get up around 6:45/7:00am, put on my clothes, say bye to Jupiter and our cat Mama Mario, head over to the maverick for my 2 Red bulls and breakfast sandwich, drive about 35 minutes with no traffic to the office, clock in, talk with security, put up UA signs, say good morning to my coworkers, have a slow start to the day, sometimes do morning med pass, and get started with the day. On a typical day I'm doing room inspections, checking in with my clients, helping them with paperwork, doing some research to assist them with their lives, helping residents with random things they need assistance with, having lunch, doing service notes that need to get done for Medicaid so the non profit I work for gets funding, and trying to take on the chaos or unending work with a smile while joking with coworkers or putting my game face on. Honestly it's a lot but given my background I just keep on soldiering on trying to get certified to then get paid more and see where this life will take me. After the day is over, I'll say bye to all my coworkers, drive home, make sure I check in with my fiancee to make sure her needs are met since they're mainly at home collecting unemployment, looking for work, and taking care of themselves for our future baby's health.

Once I get home, we usually have dinner or debate what to get for dinner later but most of the time it's me figuring out what we're going to eat, going out to pick up groceries or take out, and driving over for it. When that's all over, we usually chill downstairs in her parents home in the basement/lower floor in our room. She'll be watching shows on her phone while I'll be gaming on my laptop to decompress. I've enjoyed playing Helldivers 2 for the most part fighting automatons most of the time since I don't find the illuminate all that interesting and bugs aren't that challenging. When it comes to the bots though... It's an endless amount of war with lots of em trying to destroy us while we complete missions for super earth. They have all sorts of units, weapons, and tactics to kill us and I love that rush. It's like an ever thinking enemy trying to end us while we spread managed democracy. The main reasons I enjoy it are the game's storyline, the difficulty they pose, how it engages my brain's ability to adapt and face hard things, and serves as a great metaphor for the stress response I feel for the endless onslaught of problems I have to face. It's like every bot I kill, every base I blow up, everything I end with my own two hands with keyboard and mouse feels like a release. Admittedly it is quite the addiction and I feel like it sometimes gets in the way of spending quality time with my fiancee but we haven't done many dual activities in quite a while either. Things were different when we were a few years younger in our early 30s, more fit, and exploring each other a lot. The thing is as time passes, happiness and comfort take over so it makes sense we aren't doing all the things we used to especially being in different financial states now while also being pregnant. As of today, we are approximately 87 days away from baby Alistar being born. As much as I'm looking forward to it, I know that's going to be a huge part of our lives now and there are no big breaks. I don't think I'll mourn the passing of my youth but I will miss the flexibility of it all. At the end of the day, I hope I will be able to provide, spend a lot of quality time together, feel lots of big feelings, take care of them all, get my mental health more in check, and have more of my needs met as time goes on. I want to be able to have a house for them, raise our future kid(s) to be awesome people, have loads of memories with family/friends, find a way to make lots of meaningful money through work or a business, and have my dream car the FDR Rx7 one day while making many positive differences in people's lives as time goes on.