Bewilder your Friends and Neighbors
Note: Don’t actually do any of these.
Modify a dog whiste to play multiple notes, then go into public areas with good acoustics like public restrooms or a large univeristy lecture hall and play the pennywhistle solo from Titanic on your Hypersonic Hell Flute ™ and find out who has above-average hearing!
Install a small speaker and some means to make it play things in the bottom of a fake plant and secret it into a public place, then play something appropriately confusing over it. Looping something odd is a good start, but don’t discount public radio, scientific podcasts or audiobook versions of dense academic texts- How weird would it be to find a James Bond Style Propaganda Plant that’s been subliminally broadcasting messages about lesser-known members of the sea slug family? That’s the kind of inexplicable shit people never get over.
Wear a dramatic mask everytime you leave the house to do something around your neighborhood, like watering your front garden, walking the dog, or getting your mail. engage with your neighbors normally. if asked about the mask say “Allergies”. See how long it takes them to acclimate!
You can buy giant bags of Tiny Plastic Horses online. Take a handful with you everytime you go to someone else’s house. Hide them around their house. The more Tiny Plastic Horses you can hide, the greater their confusion will be when they finally get around to spring cleaning.
Get in the habit of leaving something not normally kept in the fridge in the fridge, then wait for a houseguest to ask you you have say, a roll of toilet paper/the Kitchen Scissors/A Belt in the fridge. “To keep it cold.” fail to elaborate.
Work with your local high school robotics team to create a decently hefty all-terrain robot that responds to verbal commands and/or a romote you can hide in your pocket. Take it too the dog park. Tell people it’s a “lab mix”.
Use one of those abnormally large Gag-Gift pens or pencils for taking notes. Have a spare if asked to use something else. If you budget and purse allows, bring enough for the entire class/meeting!
Keep Human-sized Halloween Skeletons on your porch/balcony/whatever all year round. Move them around. Give them seasonally appropriate costumes. Enact an entire soap opera wherin the skeletons fall in love, are unfaithful, fall out of love, turn to crime, get caught, become reformed, return to apologise to thier love, find they’re bing unfaithful with thier former partner in crime, fly into a jealous rage, fake thier own demise, become a maksed vigilante, learn magic, Become a powerful sorcerer with the intent of cursing both of them, make a fautsian bargain, have it backfire… For your long-term neighbors, it will be tremendously amusing. For the new couple that just moved in a few streets over, coming across the scene in which your Skeletons are enacting the finale from Don Juan Triumphant in the middle of July will baffle them.
Learn to identify the trees in your area so you can casually grab and eat a leaf while on walks with your friends.
Pack a picnic lunch to work. Cute sandwiches cut into little triangles, fancy things on skewers, small dessert things, bottled beverage. Bring in small hamper, put it in the fridge. Unpack it- gingham cloth, little plate and forks, glass for beverage, small vase of flowers, and enjoy your lunch as though in some scenic contryside. The more elaborate the setup, the more enjoyable the theater of it all is, and the greater the emotional impact on your co-worker that brought cold spaghetti for lunch is.
