SMOSHSTUCK

endlessM1ke began pestering atomicMari

Your name is a bit of a mouthful, so most people shorten it to JOVENSHIRE.

Something has rubbed you the wrong way today, like something does most days. You try to think of the possibilities. It could be your FAILED MATESPRITSHIP WITH IAN, or the fact that Mari REFUSES to pester you back even when you know she’s online because she’s TALKING TO MATT. It could be that you have a bit of a flushed crush on the girl your morail likes. It could be that no matter how hard you TRY TO GET LASERCORN IN A BLACKROM, he’s always too busy hanging out with your EX-MATESPRIT.

You hold a fascination for MILITARY HISTORY AND LEGENDARY CONQUERORS. You have dubiously modeled your profile and exploits after the most notorious figures and their stories, which are bristling with the GLORY OF VICTORY and the STING OF DEFEAT and POLITICAL MACHINATIONS and ROMANTIC INTRIGUE. It is an image you are careful to craft through EXAGGERATED EMOTIONAL THEATRICS, and your penchant for mass murder notwithstanding, people tend to regard you as a BIT OF A TOOL.

You currently have one quadrants filled as a moirail to SOHINKI, and you were aiming for a KISMESSISSITUDE with LASERCORN. However, you now want him to be an AUSPISTICE between MARI and SOHINKI, at least until you can get Mari for yourself in a redrom. Your gamertag is paranormalPir8 and you speak VERY VERY dramatically because your life just suuuuucks. 

You are a master of EXTREME VIDEOGAMING. You can’t get enough of it, or really any game of high stakes and chance. Aside from being a gamer, you are also the host of SMOSH PIT WEEKLY.

Much like Lasercorn, you are gifted with vision. However, instead of twofold, you have VISION EIGHTFOLD. You think this is WAAAAAAAAY cooler than his because eight is a better number than two.

Because of your gift, you have MAGIC 8 BALLS and various CRYSTAL BALLS lying around your hive. This is one of the main reasons you do not bring your good pal Lasercorn in your hive. He tends to DESTROY ALL BALLS, even when you practically have to BEG him not to.

You have some sort of WEIRDLY ALMOST PALE relationship with LASERCORN, but he’s with IAN. Since you think the two will become FLUSHED, you step up your game to become his MOIRAIL.

Your gamertag is atomicMari and your st8ments tend to 8e just a little 8it overdramaaaaaaaatic.

Ah yes. One of our young heroes. Come to die.

Oh wait.

You’re about to.

You are an EXTREME TRYHARD WHEN IT COMES TO ANYTHING.

You like to play games, but you are NOTORIOUSLY PRETTY AWFUL TO BE AROUND WHEN IT COMES TO LOSING. Your rage invariably damage the machines on which they are executed, which is just as well, since you like to believe you specialize in EVERYTHING.

You like to chat with some of your other pals, most of which drive you BATSHIT UP THE FUCKING BELFRY. You have been trying out a new occupation called SMOSH GAMES, and you are NOT REALLY SURE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT YET.

Your gamertag is endlessM1ke and you speak in a manner that is pretty much perfect grammar all the time unless YOU’RE MAD ANSD YOUR GRSAMMER AND SPELSDLING IS OUT FO CONTROLK  You are currently in a MOIRALLEGIANCE with JOVENSHIRE, and you are pursuing a FLUSHED QUADRANT with MARI.

Later, you will play a game with 5 other friends, and go on a big adventure with them. This game, for convenient reference, is a game that DOES NOT YET EXIST.

But it will soon.

What will you do?

As previously mentioned, your name is DAVID MOSS, but most people refer to you by your tag, LASERCORN.

You are apeshit bananas at video games, and you have ALL THE JUKES. All of them. You are the unchallenged authority on ANYTHING WHERE YOU CAN SHOOT PEOPLE IN THE BALLS. And though all your friends recognize your unparalleled achievements as a TOTALLY SICK GAMER. You have a penchant for SHOOTING THINGS IN THE BALLS. Your mutant mind is hounded by the psychic screams of the IMMINENTLY DECEASED BALLS YOU’VE JUST SHOT. Your visions foretell of the planet’s looming annihilation, and yet unlike the typical sightless prophet of doom, you are gifted with VISION TWOFOLD.

For now.

You have developed a new game, adapted via CODE PARSED FROM THE RUNES AND GLYPHS IN AN ANCIENT UNDERGROUND TEMPLE where your ancestors SHOT THINGS IN THE BALLS. You believe this game to be THE SALVATION OF YOUR RACE, though you are not sure HOW YOU CAN SHOOT THINGS IN THE BALLS in it. To ensure success, you will  SHOOT THINGS IN THE BALLS and distribute the game to two teams of friends, TEAM CONDOR and TEAM SUPER CONDOR. You will lead the former group.

You like SHOOTING THINGS IN THE BALLS. Was that mentioned already?

You are in a MOIRAILLEGIANCE with IAN, but you totally want to step it up to MATESPRITSHIP. You seem to have a knack for being the VILLAGE THIRD WHEEL DEVICE and awkwardly third wheeling MARI and SOHINKI or ANTHONY and KALEL. Your gamertag is LaserCorn and you TEND TO SPEAK REALLY LOUDLY, CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE WITH THEIR MISSPELLED GRAMMAR, AND SEND YOUR FRIENDS 0_0 TO MAKE THEM UNCOMFORTABLE AND TO REMIND THEM THAT YOU ARE ALWAYS WATCHING OUT FOR MORE BALLS TO SHOOT.

What will you do?

You get pretty excited by KNOWING THAT YOU’RE RIGHT AND OTHERS ARE WRONG. You know what the ENGLAND FLAG LOOKS LIKE AND YOU ARE DAMN PROUD OF IT. You aren’t a huge fan of dancing, and you are notoriously PRETTY BAD AT IT. You almost always come in the bottom three when you and your friends have competitions.

You like to chat a lot with your pal ANTHONY, who is usually pretty cranky, but he is your BEST FRIEND. You have a lot of OTHER GREAT FRIENDS who you also like a lot. You are in a moirallegiance with LASERCORN, but you aren’t sure if the feelings are becoming MORE FLUSHED THAN PALE. Your gamertag is smoshIan and you speak in a manner that is p much just you trying not 2 type as much as possible bc youre kinda lazy

You are one of the few of your kind who can withstand the BLISTERING HEAT, and perhaps the only who enjoys the feel of STRAIGHTENING YOUR HAIR. As such, you are one of the few of your kind who has taken a shining to HAIR CARE. You have cultivated a lush oasis around your hive, and in particular, you have honed your craft through the art of STRAIGHTENING, sculpting your hair to match the SEX GODS from your dreams.

Just before the sun goes down and you join your flora in rest, you immerse yourself in tales of RAINBOW DRINKERS and SHADOW DROPPERS and FORBIDDEN PASSION.

You are one of the few of your kind who could be selected and raised by a VIRGIN MOTHER GRUB, an event so rare as to elude documented precedent. She would defend you from desert threats, and though her life would be short, in time you would assure her of progeny.

You are one of the few of your kind who has developed a zeal for THE WAY YOUR HAIR LOOKS. You kindly ask other to not make fun of your GIRLY LIPS. You are a RAINBOW DRINKER. Your lips were just made that way. You decorate your hive with STRAIGHTENERS and LEATHER JACKETS, as delicately or aggressively as inspiration demands. You wield a BADASS CHAINSAW and use it to DEFEND YOURSELF AND YOUR FRIENDS FROM ANYTHING. You would DIE for them.

You are in CAHOOTS with MARI to pull LASERCORN and IAN out of their PALE QUADRANT because you yourself want a MOIRALLEGIANCE with Ian. You are happily in a MATESPRITSHIP with KALEL.

Your gamertag is smoshAnthony and you Tend To Enunciate Each Word You Speak Very Clearly, And Laughing Very Loudly At The Littlest Things