MAGIC IS ALL I HAVE

Remus’ cheeks were tinged the lightest shade of pink and he was grateful now for the dim lighting in the room. Defensively, he reached for his mug, draining its contents to cover his face. “I don’t think so,” He murmured, already replaying Mary’s sweet words again in his head. If he could’ve made them tangible, something to hold on to, he might’ve carried them with him on darker days. “I know so.”

He looked at Mary and shook his head, thinking of her unintended ironies. It would give too much of himself away to tell her that he’d silenced anyone dumb enough to say those things. If there were boys idiotic enough to talk about their exploits—to wonder aloud what Mary might feel like, then Remus supposed they deserved to have their tongues numbed…at least for a few hours.

He tugged tightly on the ends of his hair and fiddled with a piece of chocolate, wrapping and unwrapping it until it melted against his fingers. He finally drew it to his lips and sighed. “No one is saying anything,” He said softly, looking at Mary. Embolded maybe in his exhaustion, he leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. “Try not to worry.”

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his cheeks looked adorable as they turned somewhat rosy, it was something she never saw and the idea that she was the reason for it caused a rush of excitement and pride. he suited his face like that, it was rather charming. “i think so, in fact, i know so.” mary was very certain about that, especially when she thought about it from her point of view. shaking her head, the brunette smiled softly at him. “well, i know better. if i were the girl, i’d be over the moon that you were even giving me that sort of attention or thought of me like that. any girl will be.” 

she realised how much that might give away and quickly shot him a smile before picking up a piece of cake. the house elves were lovely and every time one passed the muggleborn would beam at them, letting them know how much she appreciated them in one simple glance. her question had her curious, slightly scared at how long remus was taking to answer. it was starting to feel like the rumours hadn’t stopped, that maybe they had gotten worse since the attack. had they gotten worse? was she more involved in the rumour mill than ever before? maybe she’d have to get used to it.

Sirius had never struck Remus as the sort of person to use anyone. Even after being unofficially adopted by the Potters, he always promised to pay back everything they’d given him. Even days after the full moon, when he’d pillaged the drawers of their dormmates for heavy stacks of chocolate, he’d returned every piece after the next Hogsmeade trip. But then…their other classmates never saw anything like that, did they?

Remus could hear the curiousity blooming in Mary’s tone. Some mix of frustration and excitement blossomed in his chest. He loved that she showed any interest at all in his romantic life—in any part of him—but then, it was a small school. Likely, this was just another way to fill time—something to gossip about. The werewolf let out a low chuckle and shook his head. “I’ve fancied just one girl at this school.” He murmured, lowering his gaze. “So er, if I was going to ‘go for it,’ it certainly seems like I’ve missed my chance.”

The idea of the other boys talking about Mary…about…how good she was…repulsed him in a way that felt almost inhuman. His blood boiled. Remus chewed on his bottom lip, fighting carefully to find the right words. “I don’t…,” He shook his head, dipping into the stash of sweets buried in his robes. “I can’t…,” He tugged at the edges of the wrapper and sighed. “It’s no one’s sodding business, is it?” He said finally, cursing himself for getting upset, even now.

Originally posted by lcarenpage

there was a lot mary never knew about people, no one really knew anything about anyone unless they were explicitly told. there was a lot people would never know about mary, things she would never dare speak into the world in fear of what might happen. these were secrets people all had, things that sirius and remus would be all too familiar with, the secrets no one would ever know except those close and of course, the boys would have something like this. they had each other to share things with without fear of judgement. 

the muggleborn hoped she wasn’t sounding too desperate to know, wanting to find everything out. there was a part of her that wanted to know about him and girls, know where she stood but there was another part that was far too scared of what he might say. this was one of those things. if he’s only ever fancied one girl, mary may as well step back because there was no chance that she’d be able to change his mind, not with her history. keeping a smile on her face, she made sure she would look supportive but that didn’t stop her heart from hurting and her stomach from falling. “unless she’s with someone, rem, you should go for it. no girl could ever say no to you and if they were, they’d be stupid because to have a guy like you wanting them makes them the luckiest girl on the planet. i mean, you’re smart, handsome, sweet, and caring. you have a lot going for you, you shouldn’t think otherwise.” 

“Let him be,” Remus murmured, digging his nail under the paper. Sirius could do what he liked, might as well. The boy had enough rejection from his family…it almost made sense to seek out every source of comfort. “We can’t fault anyone for experimenting, can we?” He shot her a wink, finishing off his beer. That’s what last year had been, hadnt it? Curiousity?

He shook his head, barely registering the thought of another girl. His senses where so rapt with Mary, had been for years, that there was hardly any room to start with. “She’s not what I want,” He said softly, tracing the lines of one of his scars. He seemed to find the kitchen cabinets suddenly captivating, unable to meet her eyes.

“I’m being insensitive,” He sighed in frustration, giving her hand a small squeeze before letting go. It dawned on him, suddebly, that she supposed he must also be after…whatever happened when Mary and anyone else’s footprints grew too close together on the map. “They’re all idiots if that’s all they’re after.”

Originally posted by allenparker

swallowing harshly at the wink, she was torn between being upset by the experiment comment and finding it incredibly hot that he had just winked at her. mary was very torn on how to response, even worse now her cheeks had flushed in response to his action. “no, we can’t but we should if they’re trying to gain attention off another. it’s never a good mix that.” the muggleborn knew that from experience. it became too messy, too complicated if you got into a pattern while trying to get the affections off of someone else, she had tried it with remus but it never worked. 

“knowing what you want is always a good start to going after it.” her words were kind, hopefully encouraging and comforting. “not that you have to go after it but i’m sure that you can’t lose something you never had so i guess going after it would be good.” her words rushed out, trying to explain what she meant without sounding pushy, sounding nosey. the witch never wanted to oversteps bounds or upset the male. mary was all about keeping things good between them. 

“You’re probably the only girl in the castle,” He murmured. If the giggles when the lads walked through the streets of Hogsmeade weren’t for Padfoot, they were certainly for Prongs. He tugged at the lable of the brown bottle in his hand, a smile tugging at the edges of his lips. “Tell her to go for it. He hasn’t stopped whining about her since fifth year.”

Remus took a long swig, letting the liquid settle on his lips. Meadowes had always felt like a friend, even as they experimented after curfew. As much as he would’ve liked, Mary never strayed too far from his mind. “That’s flattering,” He said softly, pulling at the sleeves of his sweater. Realizing belatedly that the shirt belonged to Prongs, he burrowed deeper into the fabric. “But I don’t think we’ll be….,” He chewed on his lip with obvious consideration. “A ‘we’ again.”

The energy seemed to shift at once. Remus turned toward his companion with wide eyes, realizing his error and he squeezed his eyes shut. “That’s not what I…,” His hand traced a pattern along the back of hers and he sighed. “I meant that… You’ve got to have a line of blokes trying to get your attention.” He leaned down, catching her eye. Leave to him to muck it up within an hour. “I’m sorry, Mare.”

Originally posted by lowselfworth

“that’s because i know who sirius is and i know that he wouldn’t be someone made for a relationship with me. i can’t even think about him like that, it’s quite gross actually.” a laugh left her lips at the confession, smiling timidly at remus in hopes that she wouldn’t offend him, after all, he and sirius were best friends and here she was slagging him off. “you think i haven’t tried? all us girls have tried, it’d help if he didn’t have a new girl every other week.” 

things were different this year, mary already knew that. in which way, she was still trying to figure out. for herself, she knew it meant a bit more fear, scared to show the scars that littered her skin and completely terrified of the dark. mary would have to live in doubt and fear from now on because she was different but maybe they were too. “it’s honesty, rem.” the witch needed him to believe that. “i’m sorry. you would have been perfect together. maybe the future will work out for you if it’s what you want.” she was going to be supportive, show that she would stand by him no matter what.

Remus wrinkled his nose with obvious distaste. Sharing a dorm with Sirius had given him enough eyefuls over the years, but the idea of him with Mary seemed to spark a stomachache. He raised and lowered one shoulder, then, thinking of her earlier interest, he turned toward her. “Do you…I mean…is Sirius…?”

At her comments, he shook his head with a dry laugh. He’d seen Meadowes wrapped around one of her housemates often enough to know that the door between them had closed. Still, he couldn’t help a certain amount of boyish curiousity sneak through. “Did she?” He was positively beaminh. “I guess you both must see something I’m missing then.”

The grin only seemed to grow hearing the Longbottom had slunk back off to the greenhouses or wherever else. He’d managed to be polite enough to stomach the Mary chatter in their shared dorm, but something had always twisted inside at the image of the two of them together. “No Longbottom? Who’s next on your list then, Lovegood?”

Originally posted by couragecobain

a light laugh left her pink lips at her look, eyes bright with playfulness but her nose scrunched at his question. her and sirius sounded terrible together, the boy reminded her too much of a brother. of nothing more than someone she could playfully flirt with and nothing more would ever come of it. “no, sirius is nothing of interest to me, at least, not like that. i think marlene has a thing for him, i’m scoping it out for her.” that was true, there was a feel that her roommate fancied the other gryffindor. 

the dry laugh he gave had her pouting, unimpressed with the response. there was no way for him to feel like that, not with the amount of girls mary had to listen to talk about him in ways she’d much rather never hear of. “yes, she did.” his smile did nothing to reassure her that something could spark between them, thinking that maybe he did want something with dorcas, something more than he wanted with mary anyhow. “i just see you how you are. you shouldn’t hide you know.”

“If you called him a sweetheart, he’d crawl right into your lap,” Remus shook his head fondly, thinking of an after Quidditch party where his mate had done just that. Sirius had the frustrating and uncanny ability to turn everything into an opportunity.

“It was… Something,” He murmured. Most of that night had been spent wondering how he’d ended up in a room full of pure bloods. They had kissed, Remus’ real first, and continued on in abandoned classrooms, behind tapestries, and in the astronomy tower…long enough for him to get cold feet and push the Ravenclaw away. “It’s nice of you to say that. I suspect James has been filling your head with all sorts of b-s.”

It pained him to hear Mary defend her actions—to defend taking abuse from Mulciber. Especially when he’d so recently shared the hospital wing with two first years that the Slytherin had been toying with. The werewolf kept his mouth shut and whispered something to a nearby house elf, who flushed to the tips of her giant ears. Scurrying off, she returned with a bottle of butterbeer, which Remus took happily, sliding a chocolate into the elf’s small hand. “What about you?” He said, taking a sip. He spoke too quickly, trying and failing to cover his interest. “Still with Longbottom?”

Originally posted by andrewgarfieldsource

“then i’ll have to call him a sweetheart just to see that.” mary would love to see sirius do such a thing. it always amused her when he was silly. “however, i ight have to push him off if he’s too heavy.” it was a joke, the sort of jokes she done around sirius himself and she hoped remus would realise that it was her being playful, not meaning it. 

swallowing at his words, she nodded her head. “dorcas spoke about it for a while. you should ask her on another date, i’m sure she’d happily say yes to you.” dark brown eyes looked at him softly, hoping to hear him say that he wouldn’t do such a thing, that he didn’t want to go on another date with the ravenclaw. “no, actually. it’s me that fills his head with that. i’m the one who believes that.” she certainly did see him that way. 

It really did bother him, when their classmates assumed anything about his mates. Assumed they were exclusively pranksters or troublemakers. Especially considering how many of their stunts were to cover his lycanthropy. “He’d love it if you forgot that about him. I think he loves the image.”

Remus let out a quiet chuckle, grinning around a biscuit he snagged from a plate nearby. “You remember when Meadowes brought me to one of Sluggy’s parties?” He asked, raising a brow. “I think that was my first and only date.”

At her response, Remus shook his head almost skeptically. It sounded as though Mary pitied the Slytherin. Her affection sickened him. “I can’t talk about this anymore.”

Originally posted by mrsgarfieldxo

she never wanted to cause any bother for the boys, never wanted to upset them by judging them, by forgetting that it was all a front. people always put on fronts and they were no different. mary knew they were more than people saw but sometimes, the small brunette could be just as blind as everyone else. “i’ll him keep the image but i’ll never forget, i might use it as leverage one day.” that was a joke, her voice letting remus know. 

the witch wasn’t eating much, she didn’t have much of a stomach for food these days. “i remember. didn’t you enjoy it? i mean, surely you must have had some interest to go in the first place.” her voice was filled with curiosity, dark brown eyes looking at him kindly. “you should date more. any girl in this school would be more than lucky to have such an honour, trust me.” 

Remus shrugged. Everyone in the castle seemed to have some perception of each of the Marauders. Even him—what was he? The quiet, shy one? The one who couldn’t seem to wrangle his friends in, despite the prefect badge on his chest. “He cares more than he lets on.”

Her voice drew him back, his gaze lingering on the Puffs nearby. His light eyes fell on Mary’s lips and any words he’d had before seemed to lose all meaning. Then, as if realizing how close he’d allowed himself to be, he drew back, shaking his head. “I guess you’re right about me.” He murmured.

“I can’t…always be there, you know? Remus cautioned, steadying his gaze. "Didn’t you tell me once you wanted to be an Auror?”

Originally posted by haidaspicciare

sometimes, mary let herself forget who each boy was, who james had told them who they were. not that she needed it for remus but still, sometimes she forgot that she knew them. after all, facades were quite the thing these days, especially for quite a few of the gryffindor hose. “i always forget that about him.” the witch confessed, the apology in her voice. 

the brunette couldn’t wait for an answer, she wanted one so desperately, to see inside remus’ head more than she normally could. a hand moved the curls behind her ear, bright doe eyes staring with intensity. mary wanted an answer, needed an answer to her question. “am i? you should know if i am. are you hiding how much of a lady’s man you actually are?” her smile was wide, playful as she looked at him.