MR TELEVOID

Watching WESTWORLD like being told a really cool story by an overly excitable teenager. They know they’ve got a cool ending. They’re trying to be coy about it, so they can enjoy the anticipation for as long as possible, but are unable to finish a sentence without smirking.  What results may, in fact, be cool, but it never feels like a story. At least not one that ever allows the audience to lose itself in the world they’re creating. The performances are all great, as are the production values and FX’s, but we never stop crafting theories about what might all mean.  I like a good mystery box as much as the next guy.  WESTWORLD just feels like it loves its mysteries so much they forget why we’re here in the first place.

I always think of this clip whenever someone tries to tell me Bernie's campaign is all about his ego. I can understand if you don't think he's right person for the job - we all see the world differently, arrive at different conclusions about what progress really means - but telling me he's selfish, secretly hateful or running a long con strongly suggests you haven't really been paying attention. Or, you just can’t engage with the substance of what Bernie’s saying, so you’re desperately trying to discredit him any way possible.

While I understand the desire to say things like VOTE BLUE NO MATTER WHO in the face of how the Internet handles its political fandom, you’ll do yourself a world of good to just shut up about it. No one’s going to hear you until the primary season is over. I’ve never not voted Democrat in my life. I shouldn’t have to swear allegiance to whoever the party gives me just to satiate your Trump anxiety. 

What we need to accept is most of the people saying stupid #NeverWhoever shit right now won’t be so diehard once their candidate actually has a chance to lose. Some might stick to their guns, and we’ll need to find a different approach to winning their vote at the time. The appeal of standing by your bullshit convictions fades pretty quickly once the reality of four more years of Trump sinks in, and they get a look at how lackluster third party challengers tend to be.  They may not wear the DNC friendship bracelet you really want them to wear, but you’ll have their vote regardless if you just be cool. 

The latest episode of SOME MORE NEWS is a wonderful takedown of every boomer’s idea of good millennial, Pete Buttiegieg. It’s a solid deep dive into teenage history as a Bernie Bro to his time with the shady Cohen Group, and ultimately explains him away as an ambitious creep who’ll say anything to win the election. He sees politics as a game, not civil service. He cares about status, not about fixing America. He’s the kind of candidate particularly appealing to white liberals because he’s selling a progressive future with a not-so-subtle promise not to rock their privileged boat too much. Highly recommend everyone still on the fence about him check it out.

Terminator: Dark Fate isn’t a terrible movie. Of the attempts to recapture Judgement Day glory in the Terminator franchise, this is easily the most watchable. The new cast is charming, the new Terminator designs feel like something of a Lovecraftian evolution from from the classic T1000 design, and the filmmakers make a sincere attempt to shift the frachise’s focus away from the John and Sarah Conner.  All the Terminator movies are fun for those who enjoy weed + big budget science fiction extravaganzas, but Dark Fate gave me the most of the old time Cameron vibes we’re all chasing.

Unfortunately, it’s still not very good. It’s failure is the same as in all the other sequels. They’re not creating a new story or expanding the universe. They’re looking for new ways to tell the same time traveling robot story over and over again. I may have had a better time with this one than with Genisys or Salvation, but it still left me thinking the same thing they all do. It shouldn’t be hard to make a good Terminator movie.

Spoilers after the cut...

Whoever does the daily break schedule at my office is fond of using inspirational quotes. This quote from MLK Jr is used often, usually on Mondays. A wonderful quote. Certainly not the worst way his name has been shamelessly exploited by a corporation or folks trying real hard to not come off racist. It's just, as motivation for a bunch of chubby white people to power through their work week, using an MLK quote for a break schedule seems a bit reductive. In the context of an employer whose likely to replace us all with robots when the tech becomes affordable, inspirational quotes like this only make me think about flying out a window.  

CHET DESMOND Live at the Roadhouse

I’m not going to tell David Lynch & Mark Frost what to do, but it would have been cool to see Agent Chet Desmond in Twin Peaks: The Return. He could have shown up at the Roadhouse playing a song as Chet Desmond. Maybe a Roy Orbison tune (because Chris Isaak famously sold his soul to the devil for Orbison’s voice) or an original song. I think “I Believe” off of Isaak’s Forever Blue album would been a great song for a guy stuck in the Black Lodge to sing. A cheery song of rockabilly hope, half aware of the futility of it all, but he keeps singing anyway. He’s older, understandably wearier from a lifetime lost in an unimaginable hell dimension. Only his memories of the music keeps him from going insane.  

As the song ends, Desmond looks out across the adoring audience. He locks eyes with a pretty girl, clearly smitten with what she just heard. They exchange awkward flirty looks, and for a moment, we’re teased with the idea the song might have been wrong about beautiful days and Chet Desmond.  A smile crosses his face.  He takes a step off the stage, and is promptly whisked away to his purgatory, Laura Palmer in the Red room-style. The pretty girl is stunned for a second, before blinking and shaking it off. She turns back to her friends like Chet Desmond was never there.

It’s too bad this guy was such a dipshit. He had such a great username. I won’t tell you what it was, because it’s important we don’t hype dipshits even if they have cool usernames, but I feel like he and I would have very similar taste in Coen Brothers movies.

Regardless, this disingenuous nonsense was found in response to the news Hank Azaria will no longer be voicing Apu on The Simpsons. I understand what he’s trying to say, but a hateful stereotype with a pretty bow on it is still a hateful steretype. It doesn’t change the character only exists in the show because Azaria thought the guy who worked at the convenience store near his apartment had a funny accent.  

For the bulk of this Democratic primary, I’ve been sitting comfortably in the “either Bernie or Liz would be cool” corner. No doubt both candidates would have different approaches to the presidency, but those differences seem minute in comparison with the rest of the bastards. The fact they both seemed to appreciate their similarities and each other made it all easier. The plan was to force myself into a decision before the Michigan primary on March 10th, and simply enjoy having two strong progressive options in a race normally dominated by corporate funded centrists.  Seems like any liberal claiming to give a damn about moving the needle forward should have felt the same.

Sadly, Liz decided to stink up this hippie commune this week. CNN cited anonymous sources who overheard Warren telling people about Bernie saying women couldn’t be president.