Josie

He was supposed to be the new hired hand, a guy that, occasionally, helped your mother fix the fences and feed the horses. But you knew the truth. You knew he wasn't there for the horses, he was there for the ninety thousand dollars.

It had all started with a mistake, a body tossed in the lake that your mother believed was your older sister’s boyfriend, but it was actually a local kid who had overdosed.

Jackie knew the truth, and he used it to trap her. To pay him off, your mother had burned down the hayloft for the insurance money, a fire that lit up the night sky like a warning, of the present and future dangers.

But while the barn burned and your mother plotted, you and Jackie were in the shadows. For months, he had been coming to your room in the middle of the night, it was a "sickness," a dark addiction that made you feel more alive than anything else in this dying valley.

Even after you learned the truth, about the body in the lake and the blackmail, you couldn't stop. You were addicted to the danger of it, addicted to him.

Maybe it was revenge for the times your mother gave everything to your sister, while you were just the shadow in the hallway.

Or maybe it was how for years you were only the "good" daughter, the one who never needed watching.

Your mother didn't even bother to watch you, she’d say, usually after a few drinks, that you didn't have the stomach for trouble.

She was convinced you didn't have the guts to be a rebel, that you lacked the "wild material" your sister was made of.

She assumed you were too soft. She didn't think she had to care about you because you were "safe."

But being "safe" felt like being dead.

That was why you let Jackie in. He didn't see a "safe" girl, he saw someone who could handle the high and the secrets. He was the first person to give you something that was yours alone, even if that something was a sickness.

You had watched your sister ruin herself for years and never touched a single pill, but with Jackie... when he held the light, or pressed the high into your palm, you took it.

All of that and every night he spent in your bed, was a way to kill the "good girl" your mother thought she knew.

You wanted to prove you could be just as dark as the rest of them. If your mother thought you were too weak to break, you were going to show her you could shatter.

With the money on his possession, he was supposed to be gone, disappearing without a trace.

But for the first time in his life, Jackie felt like he was the one being owned. He had claimed the money, but you had claimed him, and the weight of it was making him snap.

“Don’t do that. Don’t fucking do that” Jackie said, pacing the bedroom like a trapped horse.

“What? What the fuck am I doing, Jackie?” you asked, wrapping your arms around yourself as the first tears began to sting.

“Don’t ask about us. There is no us. There can't be. Never.” his eyes scanning the room as if the walls were closing in. "Jesus, you’re crazy."

“Crazy?”

“Yes, you’re fucking crazy! I’m no saint, but I’m well aware of what I’ve done. Taking you with me, after what happened with your mother... that’s a hell of a lot worse than taking the ninety thousand dollars.”

"Oh, okay. But you were definitely fine when you came into my room in the middle of the night for the last... what, four months? Yes, you were fine then, weren't you?” You waited, your heart beating fast. You wanted him to admit it, to admit he was just as addicted to this as you were. But his eyes just went pitch black.

“Shut up.” he muttered, stepping into your space. He smelled like cigarettes and the damp evening air, a scent that made your head spin even when you hated him in this moment.

“Answer me, dammit! Where were your morals when I was O'Ding because of the shit you gave me?” You stepped forward, leaning into the heat of him and refusing to back down.

“SHUT UP!”

“NO! WHERE WERE YOUR FUCKING MORALS EVERY TIME YOU FUCKED ME IN THIS ROOM?”

He finally snapped. Grabbing you by both arms and slamming your back against the wall. The impact knocked the breath out of you.

“I told you to shut the fuck up!” he hissed, his face inches from yours.

“Tell me you don't want me in that stupid Mustang of yours. Tell me you aren't thinking about me every time you touch that money.”

Jackie’s grip tightened for a split second, his knuckles white against your skin, before his expression suddenly fractured. The cold, dark void in his eyes flickered, replaced by something much more dangerous: desperation. He didn't let go.

“I’m the worst thing that ever happened to your mother, and I’m the worst thing that’ll ever happen to you.” He let out a self loathing laugh, his hands sliding down from your arms to cup your face, his thumbs brushing away the tears you didn't even know you were shedding.

“Im taking this money, her money, to stay quiet. In exchange to make her have a life after all this shit. I'm a lowlife, a thief,” he murmured, his voice cracking as he looked at you with a terrifying kind of hunger, “i should be halfway gone now. I want to be. But i think about you in this room, in your room, in my car.... I want to take you with me, and that's the sickest part of all. I'd ruin you just to keep you.”

He didn't wait for you to answer. He just crashed his mouth against yours.

You didn’t pull away. Instead, you grabbed the front of his shirt, bunching the fabric in your fists to pull him even closer.

He slowly pulled away. “I don't care, Jackie.” you breathed against his lips, your voice trembling with some kind of certainty.

You looked up at him, your eyes taking on his fractured expression. “I love this. I love how it feels. For the first time in my life, I actually feel alive, and you’re the one who did that. You’re the only thing that makes me feel anything at all.” You let out a ragged, desperate laugh, your fingers sliding up from his chest to the back of his neck, pulling his head down. “So keep me. Ruin me. I don't give a fuck as long as you don't leave this room without me.”

Jackie swore under his breath. “Fuck...”

In one sudden move, he slammed both of his hands against the wall on either side of your face, pinning you between his arms. The wood rattled behind you.

“No... This can't happen.” he muttered into the small space between you, his eyes searching yours with a look that was half hate and half hunger. Finally, he pulled away, the sudden coldness where his body had been making you shiver.

He turned his back, moving fast as he shoved the last of his things into his bag. You stood there, frozen, watching him pack. It hurt so much you could taste it. Your hands were clenched so tight that your nails dug into your palms, but the sting helped keep you from screaming.

“Jackie...” you whispered. “Please...”

He didn't even look up. He reached for the stack of cash, the ninety thousand dollars, and shoved it into the bag. He zipped it shut and threw the strap over his shoulder, walking toward the door with a cold look on his face.

But you were faster. You threw yourself against the door, blocking the way out.

“Get out of the way.” he hissed. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

You looked at him, your chest moving up and down, the pain in your hands matching the pain in your heart. “Then hurt me!” you screamed. “Do something to me, Jackie! Throw me across the room, I don't care! Just don't walk out that door and leave me behind.”

Jackie stood frozen for a second, his breath stopping as he stared at you. He looked shocked by your words, but at the same time, he looked almost proud. You wanted the monster in him.

The heavy bag hit the floor and the money was forgotten. In one fast move, he lunged forward, his hand grabbing your neck. He didn't squeeze hard, but he held you there, pinning you against the door.

“You're insane.” he whispered, his voice shaking.

He spun you around roughly, slamming your front against the door so your back was against his chest. He leaned in, his mouth right against your ear, his body heavy and hot against yours.

“Is this what you want?” He asked, his grip on your neck getting a little tighter. “You want me to be the worst version of myself with you? Are you really that crazy? Choosing to be hurt just to feel like you’re in control?”

You could feel the smirk in his voice. He was finally giving in to the darkness you wanted. He turned you again, holding your waist in a way that made you feel like he was finally yours.

Jackie let out a sharp laugh at your pleading eyes and your messy hair. “Fifteen minutes.” He said roughly. “Get your stuff and take it to the car. If you’re not there, I’m leaving.”

“I’ve already got it all downstairs...” you breathed, a wild smile breaking across your face. You were already ready for him.

Jackie stared at you for a second, impressed by how fast you were ready to ruin your life.

He let out a low growl and buried his face in your neck, his teeth biting your ear in a way that made you gasp.

“Good girl...” he whispered against your skin.

He pulled back just a little, a smirk on his face. “Give me your phone. Where is it?”

He didn't wait for an answer. His hands started to move all over your hips and waist, searching you, even though he knew where it was. He felt the rough denim of your shorts and finally found it tucked into your back pocket.

His palm stayed there, giving you a hard possessive squeeze that pulled your hips flush against his, making your stomach flip. He then pulled the phone out and tossed it onto the floor, cutting you off from everyone else.

“Now...” he whispered, his mouth right over yours. “Let's go.”

me posting this fic with a dead or non existent fandom: