𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎'𝓈 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓇𝓎

Night night, sweeties!! How are you doing?? I hope you're all fine!! Writing to you about my thoughts has been more frequent than I expected, but I like it… I feel like someone understands my feelings without even knowing who I am.

So, do you all have someone who makes you think, "Wow, they are so much better than me…"??

During my life, I've had several people who made me feel that way and think this type of shit. Some did it on purpose, and others didn't even know they made me feel like that.

To be honest, I compare myself with everyone. Everyone. I think that others always have something that I don't have. Most of the time, I don't even know the person, but to me, they are perfect.

This time, I have one girl in particular. She is a friend of my boyfriend, and she is better than me.

She's pretty, she's rich, she's intelligent, she's dedicated to her studies, she takes care of her body, she's so fashionable, and she does such beautiful makeup and cosplays. She has the same hobbies as my boyfriend. She's perfect.

And I? I'm nothing like her. Maybe the way we act is similar, but it's like she is a better version of me. She certainly has her own problems, but to me, she is perfect ( even with her problems ).

My boyfriend says that he loves me; he always praises me, he listens to me, and he is gentle with me. He is perfect. He never gives me a reason to feel this way.

But I can't stop thinking that she's so much better.

I want to cry so much… I just want to be fine with myself, you know? I'm so tired of hating myself and always comparing myself to someone.

I wonder if she is like that too. If she compares herself too, because we are never satisfied with who we are. We are so beautiful to other people, but never beautiful enough for ourselves.

Hi sweeties, how are you going?? Hope you all are good!!

Actually, I'm feeling a little sad ;( my mind is a mess, you know?? So many things have been happening and those things make me think about how growing up is hard, stressful and bad. (Especially being a girl).

I miss my childhood. I had nothing to worry about, I didn't understand things and everything was so beautiful and happy. The problems existed, but I never saw them. ( So better )

I'm so tired, girls. My perfectionism is killing me slowly, my comparisons are driving me crazy because I always feel like I'm not good enough for anyone.

My parents deserve a better daughter. My friends deserve a better friend. My boyfriend deserves a better girlfriend. No one deserves to live with a person who is always sad or in a war with herself.

And having conscience of those facts it's like my innocence is lost, and the worst is that I didn't even see it going away. One day I just saw that I've grown up, I saw that now I know things that I don't want to know.

I experience the reality, the taste of adult life.

The concern with work, studies, money, health… And I can't speak, it's like my mind is screaming loud but the sounds never come out.