Bob Benson

Honorable Mention: Going Cold-Turkey on Bob Benson (last week: 2) Come back to us, Bob. Our time together was far too short. We’ll take the ring and the house in Grosse Pointe and all the sweet lies that come with it. We know we’re never getting a better offer. We know that you only want the best for us. We see that now. We can’t live these next seven hours without you. Come back to us right now. Beloit. Wharton. Sadness. Longing. A heart broken in two pieces.

With that GM exec, [Bob] got two versions of his life laid out for him: the one where he gets arrested and beat up just for trying to get a blowjob or the one where he gets to live in a mansion, free from the world’s troubles, as he put it to Joan. He’s running away from himself – or he’s trying to. And he thought that Joan wanted the same thing. He’s scared and a bit narcissistic, with no idea how to read or interact with other people. Again, from last season’s Mega-Bob Mad Style post: ”Bob is almost certainly extremely stunted emotionally and very bad at intimacy. He’s all surface because he’s spent his entire life being all surface in order to deflect questions.” And we wrote that before we knew he had a Dick Whitman-like backstory. He’s not sinister; he’s as backwards emotionally as Don is.