Painful Marks...

;Next Year and Last

Ren says nothing about the scent of smoke as the door opens and recycled apartment complex air is filtered in from the hall. They were fixing their issues, little bit by little bit, but he knew there were still things on the piercer’s mind that were yet out of his own reach. Over the last few weeks it had become a way of tracking Jae’s mood- equating the strength of ash on the wind and how many times he stepped onto the balcony with the way his power rolled beneath his skin. When Ren had confessed to the reason for his dismissal from Artemis’ ranks it had been Youngjae who needed to break away for a cigarette in order to control himself; the ex-hunter had long since cried himself out about it and was now only full of numbed shame.

Things had improved since then and that night. They’d spent most of their time together amidst the celebration of the island. When Youngjae wasn’t available the son of Loki kept locked away in his apartment. Safe and hiding. It was easier to sink into his studies and avoid everything else. The other demigod was his ray of sunshine in self-imposed quarantine and he was grateful.

Even now it felt surreal that Jae was here- still interested in him. His apartment felt warm and full with the other present. It felt normal.

“I only have the sliding door left. I thought it would look pretty when the lights from outside reflect through it~ Since you’re taller you can put it up, and I’ll take the alcohol somewhere safe for the New Years toast. Trust me, I have zero desire to get drunk ever again.”

Ren huffs playfully at the little jab and takes the burden from Youngjae’s hands before helping him slip off his jacket to be hung up. He’ll endure the teasing considering the state he’d put himself in the night of the Halloween party and the hang over of the next day.

“We should be able to see the fireworks from the balcony tonight at twelve,”

He actually knows for a fact they will be able too. He’s asked around curiously, absolutely enamored by the romantic notion of sharing a new years kiss under the sparkling light show. It will be the perfect beginning of their new year as long as they time it right.

Youngjae liked seeing the other imbued in holiday cheer. He liked seeing him happy and didn’t care if he was being told how to decorate. He smiled moving easily to start putting up the tinsel as directed. He felt comfortable here, he always felt safe with Ren - and he knew that really it should help him with his power, but there were still those fears he had over control. He debated taking the power into himself - he could do it, but he didn’t know how Ren would feel about that. Ren had already mentioned to him, that he should have his nerves tested as he lacked other sensations not just pain. 

He smiled at Ren “You were very cute drunk.” He added, as he hung up the tinsel. He honestly, had been more worried about looking after Ren than anything else. He had wanted to keep the man safe. He smiled when the other spoke. “It would be nice to see the fireworks.” He gave the other a smile. “I’ve not really been able to see them before... too many people and my apartment faces the wrong way.” 

“You’re so sweet Jae~”

Tucking close to the other as they began to slowly sway- it was taking a moment for Ren to recall those dance lessons and put them to good use -Ren guided the other’s arms around his waist in a more intimate hold to suit his own comfort. Youngjae was always sturdy so there wasn’t a moment of hesitation when he gave his weight completely. He knew Jae would catch him.

“You’re such a sweet talker. Are you making up for ditching me before the last dance? Because I looked really good that time, too. Not that you got to see~ I had to find another date and scrap all of our matching ideas.”

“I’m just being truthful.” Youngjae said gently. Letting the other move him into the position he wanted him in and making sure to give him all the support that he needed. He just wanted to be with him, this was where his home was. Youngjae had always been a lost boy, lost but loving Ren, how had he missed that this boy was his home? Maybe because he’d never known what it was really like to want to come back to someone, to want to come home into someone’s arms, he’d never had family who’d wanted him, to show him how to know when you found your place in the world. 

Youngjae knew that lasting on this few hours sleep was a terrible idea - but tell that to the demons that haunted him in the night. His fresh ink on his wrist wasn’t bothering him - because he couldn’t feel it - but he was eternally worried about it scarring which would lead to smudging. It had been done well. Was he concerned that he had the word for monster on his wrist? No. Would he regret it one day? Maybe. He was at Flower Mill, attempting to look and feel more awake, because he discovered that smoking was not helping him that much to stay awake. He ordered an iced latte with a shot of caramel it, and he sat outside, the cool autumn air possibly waking him up - but Youngjae wasn’t too sure.

He’d recently resumed studying, so he got his book out and was going over his notes, he was working on lyrics but it was not going as smoothly as he had hoped it would. It seemed that while he was having a complete break from everything he forgot how to write words, luckily he still remembered how to pierce. He just sat there circling a word that he did not like in the song - but he was unable to think of a replacement. Would this be easier in French? He wondered.

“Water?”

Wrinkling his nose at the seemingly random question Ren shook his head, tugging on Youngjae’s wrist to lead him towards the dance floor. Being a little too drunk and probably equally as dehydrated because of it was the last thought in the witch’s head. He was enjoying himself for the first time in a while, and it happened that Jae had shown up at the perfect time. -he always seemed to do that, no matter how annoying it was.

“You look good in your costume~”

The fact that they once had their own matching marvel costumes was the past and of course Ren couldn’t recall it. Tonight was for now, anyways. For once he wasn’t going to worry about what he couldn’t remember. Loosely hanging onto the other man, fingers tangled lazily into Youngjae’s hair, it was easy to only think about the moment.

“Tell me I look good too~ I worked hard on this, it was last minute.”

“Mhm, just seeing if you needed a drink.” Youngjae was gentle, he knew what it was like to be the drunk one, you never really knew that you needed a water in the moment, but he was sure Ren would regret it after the fact. Youngjae, however, moved with him to the dance floor. Youngjae moved easily to hold Ren. He wanted to keep the other supported, knowing he was a bit too drunk. 

“Thanks.” Youngjae said, it was the costume he’d worn for a few halloween’s, because in the end there was nothing else he could think of to be and without Ren to give him a better idea, he was stuck with this one. “Please Ren, you look amazing in your costume. But then you know I think you look amazing in everything.” He said softly. He wasn’t drunk, but apparently he had decided he was just going to speak with candor. 

damaged goods;

Hallow’s Eve w/ @mpyoungjae

Ren was having, for all intents and purposes, a good time.

He couldn’t remember ever having such a fun time at one of these parties- not that he could remember much beyond a couple months, of course… He was having such a nice time that not even that thought lingered at the back of his mind, though. The young witch was socializing and laughing with those around him, wandering from one acquaintance to the next, sucked into little conversations and groups here and there.

At the beginning of the night there had been an air of suspense he couldn’t escape. Every few moments dark eyes would flicker to the doors, scanning the edge of the crowd for a specific set of features. He knew Youngjae would come. If for no other reason than to meet him here. and it was so damn hard to hold a grudge against that man. He intentions to be cold and angry had melted away when Jae had shown up at his door well into the night. Nothing had been resolved that night, not much ever was, but since then he had been unable to hold his anger against the other’s sudden leaving- instead finding it much easier to comfort Youngjae.

Things were still stilted between them, of this he had been very sure of before he started drinking. Now, though, Ren couldn’t even remember why he had been upset.

Hence the delight that bubbles forth when he turns and is caught up in those arms. Had he run into the other man, or had he been reached for? It was hard to tell when his vision was spinning like that.

“I knew you would show up-”

Hiding the way he sways to the best of his ability Ren giggles, sinking into Youngjae easily. Vaguely he wonders if he’s ever complimented the other’s eyes when they’re this close. Would that be too cheesy? He’s looking now and can’t tear his gaze away.

“I bet you want to dance with me, right?”

Youngjae was late - although really that was purely because he was not planning on going to the ball - which is why he was left wearing a Winter Soldier Costume, one he had done before but it was a good look, and he still related to the character. He would never be able to trust himself and he was pretty sure that deep down he has ruined everything - the only good thing in his life, because he had run away from things that were going on. It had been not to do with Ren but in the end Youngjae was sure it was Ren who had suffered the most because of it.

He scanned the room when he walked in, he could see Ren, he was here for the man anyway. It wasn’t like that was a secret- and if it was he wasn’t particularly good at keeping it. As he went to go to Ren the other turned into him. Youngjae’s arms moved to support him and make sure he was okay. “You know I’ll always come” for you. Although that was implied. 

Youngjae had given Ren warning, yes, but the way the other demigod just dropped off the face of the planet right before the Gala, leaving Ren with more unanswered questions than reassurance and more annoyance than security had only grated the young witch’s nerves the more he mulled it over. It certainly didn’t help that Jae had left right as things were coming to a culmination, and hadn’t been returning calls or texts- not to mention Ren was still trying to sort out whatever that night with Chani had been.

When he had finally been granted a text from the other man confirming his return the scathing reply given did enough to convey how unhappy he was with the short notice and being once again cut out of Jae’s life. Ren had huffed and tossed the phone away and began getting ready for bed, definitely not expecting the knock at his door.

“You’re kidding-”

Somehow he already knew who would be there and approached with a fond sort of surprise, opening the door to find the man he was just so angry with. A past Ren might have held the grudge as long as he could, but the demigod all snuggled into his pajamas was soft and already edging on forgiveness, body language speaking volumes to the desire he has to fall right back into the other’s arms..

“Hi Jae… Are you gonna come in, it’s chilly~”

Youngjae had been certain that Ren was going to be any with him - he was sure that what he had done was something that would be unforgivable. And yet Ren had welcomed him back and Youngjae felt like maybe things weren’t entirely lost. His feelings for Ren would always be there and even when he made poor choices like freaking out about his biological dad and he took a slow breath. “Yeah that would be nice.” 

@renxmp

Youngjae was back in mount phoenix. It was hard, to be back - he had left because he had felt everything sort of closing in on him and his powers were out of control. His step-father had contacted him to tell him about his family, who were happy without him, the sister and brother who did not even know their mother had a child before she met Jean-Luc. He had had invited Youngjae home but all that had happened was Youngjae flew to Switzerland and avoided his step-father in the airport. He was not going to walk into his sibling’s lives when they were more than happy without him and his destructive powers. He was tired from the flight and emotionally exhausted from it all. He had told Ren that he was leaving, but from the reply he got to his text saying he was back, Youngjae did get the impression that the other man was unimpressed with him. 

He packed up some of the Swiss foods that Ren had previously said he liked and the winter scarf that he had bought, something that would be practical for Ren. Something he could use every day in winter and be reminded of Youngjae. Although - there probably wasn’t a them to be reminded of. Youngjae had thought their date to the summer festival had gone well, but then him leaving put a dampener on that. He pulled his leather jacket on and left the apartment. He had no qualms about walking out at night, not even with what had happened a few halloween’s ago.

Tucking the box safely onto a shelf in his fridge Ren couldn’t resist opening the lid and peeking in at the delicately arranged treats. He really wanted one now, but knew he should wait. There was no way he wasn’t going to fill up on sweets and whatever junk food there was at the festival.

“A vendor really on the way here?”

Taking the hint Youngjae presented he went to find a light jacket of his own, opening the closet door before pausing to slyly peer over his shoulder again as the other talked. If it were comfortable enough for a jacket… maybe he should wait until it got a bit later and chillier and see if he could worm his way into the other’s jacket… or even his arms.

Shyly shutting the door Ren spun to lean back against it and flashed a bright smile, incredibly chipper but losing none of the deviousness he’d always possessed. He wanted this to be a real date, and he wanted it to be one to remember.

“I want to do whatever you think we should. You know what you’re doing so… maybe you should guide us~”

Pursing his lips under the possible innuendo of his words the demigod looked equal parts innocent and flirty, reaching for Jae’s hand.

“I’m ready if you are.”

Youngjae was glad that the other seemed to by happy with the candy - part of him was worried that Ren would not want to see the Swiss part of Youngjae, knowing that Youngjae was Korean-Chinese but he could not help the way he felt connected to the European country that he had grown up with. He always felt a bit worried about the idea that he felt connected to a country he had not blood from and the fact that he did not look like he came from there, despite the fact he was still a holder of Swiss passport. 

Youngjae nodded, “Mhm, and they are doing two colours, the blue and the pink - I think blue tastes better.” He said with a little shrug, “but I think we should check.” He said with a grin, he knew deep down that there was no flavourings, and also that Ren did not need to know about how Youngjae for some reason thought that blue tasted better than pink. He was just excited and nervous and he just wanted to give Ren an amazing date. He wanted him to want to do more things with him. 

mpyoungjae​:

Respite// Youngjae && Ren

More and more each day Ren felt like his life belonged to him, and not to some ghost. It was hard to move through life when all you saw in the eyes of those around you was questioning or confusion- strange recognition and expectation. The closer he got to Youngjae the more he dreaded those looks. They came less and less now, and finally, finally it seemed as if he was getting a chance to live his own life.

This date was proof of that.

When asked- Youngjae had asked him, as if he was someone of interest, not the boyfriend who was still his but in some weird purgatory or limbo -Ren had been elated. A date. The beating of his heart was surely audible and despite his age he felt like a teenager. To be fair, this was his first date, though. The first one he would remember.

The sunshine outside of his window threatened to bring heat and though it was daunting as Ren prepared for their time together in the safety of his air conditioned apartment, no amount of seasonal discomfort could dampen his spirits. The butterflies in his stomach hadn’t ceased since he’d woken up and though it took several tries to find something that felt appropriate for the occasion- living so long with Artemis in the forest didn’t produce a wardrobe suited for first dates and possible festival kisses -by the time there came knocking on his door the hunter was satisfied with something light and tight and flattering.

“I’m very excited.”

Taking the gift and stepping back to allow the other man in Ren nibbled at his lip, unable to keep from looking over the other. This was different in a way that helped confirm his hopes of Youngjae thinking of this as something special too.

“I’ll keep these here, in the fridge so they don’t melt? I’m excited to try them~”

Holding the candy to his chest- a gift -Ren tossed one last look over his shoulder, grateful that he’s decided to die long dark locks up in a pony tail so that he could send a beaming smile back un-obscured as he headed for the kitchen.

“I can’t wait to see everything~ I want to get some cotton candy, first. I’m starving.”

Youngjae was a little nervous still, he knew this was going to be not only their first date but also Ren’s first summer festival. He wanted to give Ren only good memories of these days, even if he did not want to be with him in the long run, Youngjae knew it was probably strange, but it was new for him too. He had fallen for the person that Ren was now, not for the fantasy of getting the old Ren back. It was a weird thing to explain to anyone, and sure the feelings would have been connected, but he wanted the man who was in front of him. Ren looked better than he could have imagined, he looked stunning. 

“Me too.” Youngjae really was excited, following the man into the house, gods he looked amazing when he smiled. He wished he could see him smile like this every day. “Yeah there are a few chocolates in there - you have to tell me which ones you liked best... I’m attempting to find a way to get more food from my home here.” He said as if he wasn’t Korean-Chinese, but still he knew that Ren knew he was talking about Switzerland. “So if there are any you love, I can get you some more.” 

Youngjae hummed a little, “Ah yes, cotton candy, I saw a vendor on my walk over here, so I don’t think you’ll have to wait too long.” He said with a grin, “I mean- everything is pretty open already so I don’t think there will be a wait.” He wondered what Ren would like to do at the festival, curious to see him enjoying his time. Youngjae was a bit nervous, not just because of the date but because of his power but deep down he knew that he’d be okay with Ren. Ren knew about his power so would understand if they needed to go somewhere a little less crowded. Well at least that’s what he told himself. 

@renxmp​ The festival was something that Youngjae had done every year he’d been there, usually working a piercing stand or performing but this year he was doing neither. He had however, worked up the courage to ask Ren if he wanted to go together. Worked up the courage, was not a phrase he had ever imagined having to think about Ren, it had always been as easy as breathing with Ren and when they were together it felt easy, but it felt daunting, somehow, to have to ask Ren again. He was glad that Ren had agreed and Youngjae was currently checking his outfit in his mirror. He had been trying harder to look after himself, Ren was currently more expressive about his feelings regarding Youngjae’s health, especially since the fire incident. 

He checked himself over before pulling his jacket on, sure this wasn’t his usual look, the jacket was bit brighter, but his best leather jacket had gotten a bit... smokey in the fire. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to take flowers - that was really the thing. Did Ren know he wanted this to be a more romantic date, as romantic one could get at a festival with the whole island including his dad. Youngjae had not quite thought of what he was going to do about his father, but that was an issue for another day. The worst part of seeing his dad today would be that his father would probably start looking out for Ren and trying to be a decent guy just to make Youngjae’s hatred look stupid. 

He had taken a small box of Swiss candies that Ren had liked, and a few new ones from his most recent trip - the only time he’d been back since he had been kicked out by his mom. He walked over to Ren’s and knocked on the door, he was a little nervous but then was relieved when he saw the other. “Hi, I brought you something for today - I know you have tried Swiss food, but I thought you might like to try candy.” that and he thought flowers would have been too cliche and would have probably gotten him a look if Ren was less certain of this being a date. “Excited for the festival?” 

@renxmp

Youngjae was stood behind the desk, working on his homework, he was trying to sort out lyrics to a song he had written. He had been writing for a while, and he was kind of struggling to get something out on page. He had written the music easily enough, he looked over at the music, he could hear it in his mind and part of him could almost hear the words. It was frustrating. He didn’t even see the point of finishing the piece, it wasn’t as if he was going to be performing it. He had quit singing, he was just finishing out his degree. He had finally chosen his major and then had given up on his love for music. He was never going to sing again - with his power he was unable to trust himself. Giving up on music had not been an easy decision, and was not one that his lecturers understood, although now his dad was here, maybe his dad could petition the gods about it.

Well he was never going to ask his dad for help, but if he did - maybe. He didn’t look up initially when the door opened, still trying to find the right word. “Welcome to taste of ink do you have an appointment?” He mumbled, before finally looking up and seeing Ren. He was surprised to see him, “I thought you were going to change my bandages tonight?” he asked quietly. He had been taking care of his legs, the way that Ren had told him to. He had forgotten, it seemed, what it was like to have someone care for him - and Ren’s distress at his burns had made his own heart hurt. He knew that the other was upset about his lack of care for himself.