Ἔρως

"I don't want to waste other peoples' "right now" as well. I can't help but feel like I'm the common theme." He scoffed and looked away. It wasn't towards Eros, not intentionally. it was about the Gods and Goddesses. "How does "Death" decide? Who is "Death" And how is it decided that the gods of Death represent it - do they cycle?" Ben had gotten off topic, but that was because he was spiraling and getting frustrated with the nasty thought that some God was playing a cruel game against him.

"I don't want to have to worry - and I want to give someone my all. I just don't know how to let that happen." Ben looked back at Eros. "That's why I've reached out to you. I need -" He stopped and cleared his throat before starting again. "I would like to get advice from you on how to learn to love without being afraid. I want to learn how to be able to love someone - what it means to learn to love. I've pushed so many people away that I don't know what love even...means."

   Eros watches the younger man look nearly anguished at the reply he receives. Mortals always look that way in the face of happiness and Eros, knowing too much, cannot interfere enough to tell them to snap out of it. He listens with the patience his calling allots him as his charge laments about Death and it’s pull and doesn’t chide the heat behind the questions. It’s a valid thing to wonder on and Eros himself had seen the many faces of Death and those that ushered souls to their ends and been curious about how they orchestrated it all too. Still though, the questions are not his to answer.

   So with all the understanding he has, he doesn’t answer those questions. He lets them fill the air between them and then lets them die where they may. It’s only when his charge turns things back into the realm of what he can do that Eros seems like he might speak again. A long and pregnant pause is the only thing that comes though.

  And when it seems like it might stretch on and that the god has ruled this conversation too much for the other, Eros does react then. The god reaches out with one hand and places it on Ben’s shoulder nearest him. The touch is nothing more than that for a few seconds before it warms the skin under his shirt and magic flows freely between them.

   Flashes. Brilliant and bright flashes of Ezra’s face, of Ezra laughing, of Ezra looking with tenderness at Ben flood from the god and into the mind of the demigod. heavenly scents of memories are there too, dancing just out of reach and spinning themselves into the images that flash before the eyes of his young charge. 

  Then- just as fast as they came, they vanish. It is just Ben that flashes in darkened ghosts of what could be. And he is alone, defeated. His eyes carry a sadness as they see Ezra again but at a distance that beautiful smile and tender look turned elsewhere. The god pulls his hand away then and the flashes stop.

  The buzz of the magic fades and he sits quietly for a bit letting the other recalibrate before he speaks.

   “I can see a plethora of ways that this can go. That is the one in which you don’t try.” There’s a sadness in Eros’ words before he brings his hands into his lap. “Being afraid is part of being in love. We are afraid to take the leap for it, afraid when we fight for it, afraid to lose it- we are afraid of it even. Because it represents what we deserve when someone sees that fear and loves us anyway. You don’t want to waste anyone’s right now, you say, but you waste it when you don’t try to be a part of it when they so freely want you there.”

  His eyes look at Ben then. “When I was created from the dust of Chaos, it was because it was Chaos being afraid of being alone. The leap to love- all kinds of love- is scary, but it’s worth it every single time.”

   He watches the dam of emotions break and flow from her. Relief, finally some relief is given to the things that she keeps in the silence of her worried heart. She had been for so long carrying these worries that they were like a boulder upon her. He understands and doesn’t pull away when the tears come freely from her eyes and roll down her face. He smiles in fact, as she wipes at them aggressively.

   Sure, using her sleeve is a little gross but it’s something that he has witnessed time and time again with his charges and even done himself when he is in the the throws of his moments. Eros chuckles a bit at her words about snorting on him. “It’s more than okay love, I’d be more concerned if you kept not letting yourself ..”snot” as you put it.”

   Their hands separate when she reaches for her phone and ever the gentleman, Eros doesn’t protest in the slightest when she finds the contact that she needs. He doesn't protest when she stands to go either. He only hands her a silk hanky from his pocket and nods, “Go friend. All you have is right now- make it worth it.”

{{ Your fresh starter love. This one’s for the streets @amaterasuxmp

—*

They’d had their time to meet and mingle with friends.

    They’d had their time to frolic and fawn through the performances, dark delights and tasty treats.

And he could let her run wild for a little longer

        But Eros’ got a game to play and the main player is his wife. 

   It doesn’t take long for him to spot her among the crowd of onlookers of one of the human sideshow performances. There in the crowd he can see her long dark hair standing out with a pretty golden clip that he fastened there before they left. The diamonds on it catch the glow of late night lighting and draw his gaze to her. She’s so pretty— and so unaware that it’s time to start a carnival of different delights.

   Smoothly Eros blends himself into the crowd as well but stays on the outskirts of it still. Just enough to see her reaction as he pulls out his phone to type up a text to her. It’s short and quick but she’ll know the chase is on for the night.

So she was more than happy to tuck them in after the day of fun, and return to the circus at night for some quality time with her husband. It had been quite some time since they went on a date night, just them.

Amaterasu feels a gentle vibration in her pocket, and as she retrieves her phone, she sees the message from Eros. A mischievous smile plays on her lips as she reads his words, feeling a flutter of excitement in her chest. The thrill of the chase was always exhilarating, especially when it involved her beloved husband.

With a quick glance around the crowd, Amaterasu spots Eros on the outskirts, his gaze fixed on her. Their eyes meet, and a silent understanding passes between them. It was time for a game, a playful dance between two hearts entwined in love.

Replying to his message with a playful wink emoji, Amaterasu slips her phone back into her pocket before gracefully maneuvering through the crowd. She moves with purpose, her steps light and fluid as she weaves through the throng of onlookers.

As she navigates the carnival grounds, Amaterasu can feel the anticipation building within her. Each moment spent in pursuit of her husband is filled with excitement and anticipation, the thrill of the chase igniting a fire within her soul.

    He can see the exact moment that his wife realizes the chase is on and only smirks when their eyes connect across the crowd before their game starts. There are delights all around them and sure they did and will continue to indulge in those for the night— right after they indulge in the adventure of each other. He remains still as she begins to move, as promised giving her the head start he mentioned.

   She weaves through the crowd with grace and ease, not alerting anyone as she passes them by. It’s only when she is free of the majority of the crowd that she starts to hasten her movements and Eros’ smile turns to a more mischievous angle. He moves now just as she had through the crowd in the same path she took until he’s free of it too. 

   Then, and only then, does the real chase begin. They fly through the park, down along the road and into the night! Ama is a fair way ahead of him but Eros keeps his pace behind her, light on his feet as his laughter mingles with hers. Theirs is a space that only gods can reach as they race closer to the forest. 

When he congratulates her on her new relationship, Ahri blushed, her cheeks turning quite red and for a moment she remembered how Ayden first gently reminded her that he had asked for her to be his girlfriend and she had been oblivious.

"Oh, I guess I didn't think of it that way..." Her shyness turning into thoughtfulness. "He did choose me..." Her eyes drifted to her hands on her lap, warmth blooming in her heart.

"I..." She hesitated, her green eyes rising to meet the god's, only to drift back down unto her hands. "Not a lot of people choose me, I suppose." She looked up as the words spilled from her lips. "That's not a pity party again, just fact."

   He hears her.

    And that’s the part that hurts. He can hear the joy that wants to bloom in full at the excitement of being with someone. He can hear the anticipation of opening up all ove again— and he can hear the fear.

    He can hear the way that there’s uncertainty because what if she opens up and the secrets she shares are cherished and protected? What if she opens up and the little joys she shows are later the little things used to belittle her happiness? 

      What if she opens up again….

             … and there’s really no one there?

   The smile that he wears is a sad little thing that doesn’t reach his eyes. It never does when he’s watching someone strangle their own opportunities. She can love him, he could love her. But she’s got to love herself enough to have her fears and still want to keep trying. 

     This is the way to love someone when they can’t do it all the way themselves:

   Eros reaches across the table with one hand, palm side up and offers his friendship. No judgements, no reservations, no conditions.

    “Sometimes, people will choose you and then they will choose themselves. And sometimes that choice means that they leave you behind with all the choices you made to give them space inside your heart.” And that’s the scary part of trying again. But Eros does smile now and it reaches his heart instead, “But when we choose to try again, we choose ourselves too. To see the lessons that those that left taught us about ourselves and our needs. We choose to see that we hurt once without them but we made space and in that empty house inside ourselves, we can choose to find peace. And if we’re brave enough…”

   He lifts his smile to her line of sight, “…People who choose us as we’re healing are the ones that make that house a home again. He’s worth trusting love, because it’s worth it to choose to trust yourself.”

Her eyes shown with gratitude and places her hand in his, biting her lip as if to stop the tears. But that didn't do much since fat tears started sliding down her cheeks that she could only sniff and swipe her nose with her sleeve.

"I'm sorry," She blubbered, trying to smile. "I don't mean to snot all over you...I'm just.." She hiccupped. "Thank you. I didn't think I needed to hear those words, but when you said it..." She sighed relieved.

"I will try to be better. He deserves better. I didn't even think about how damaging I can be to our own relationship. But Ayden is worth it; I can meet him halfway..." She looked down and reached for her phone scrolling through the contacts until she found the "Ayden's mom" contact.

"He's in Japan right now, and his mom wants me to go with them to meet him. I've been so scared, not wanting to piss him off by agreeing with his god parent. But I'm worried. What he is doing there, if he is safe...I think I should go. I think Ayden needs me." She presses a hand to her chest as if the beat of her heart would press against her ribcage.

   He watches the dam of emotions break and flow from her. Relief, finally some relief is given to the things that she keeps in the silence of her worried heart. She had been for so long carrying these worries that they were like a boulder upon her. He understands and doesn’t pull away when the tears come freely from her eyes and roll down her face. He smiles in fact, as she wipes at them aggressively.

   Sure, using her sleeve is a little gross but it’s something that he has witnessed time and time again with his charges and even done himself when he is in the the throws of his moments. Eros chuckles a bit at her words about snorting on him. “It’s more than okay love, I’d be more concerned if you kept not letting yourself ..”snot” as you put it.”

   Their hands separate when she reaches for her phone and ever the gentleman, Eros doesn’t protest in the slightest when she finds the contact that she needs. He doesn't protest when she stands to go either. He only hands her a silk hanky from his pocket and nods, “Go friend. All you have is right now- make it worth it.”

Ben looked more confused as the other seemed to be over joyed at the things the kid just spoke. Nana jumped up on the couch as he sat down, he put the popcorn down and began petting her. "I don't know....the first time I think...we - we were in the states...New Orleans...." He stopped for a second to look at the god. "They ran into me and spilled their hot coffee on me." He looked down at his pants, almost getting transported back. A smile grew on his face as he was thinking about it before his face dropped. He zoned back in as the God started to speak.

"Everyone I've ever loved has died." Ben wasn't sure how to beat around the bush about the topic. "Sorry...uh. yeah." He opened the drink before sipping it. Nana had jumped up to sniff the flavour of this can. Kissing her forehead, he shooed her away. "Anything and everything. I don't know if it's just bad luck...or maybe my father has something to do with it." He frowned as he pet Nala.

"I understand, everything has a cycle...but it just ends too soon." Ben looked at Eros, assuming he also knew that feeling - as he was a God. But the God had been alive for more than a life time - or five.

    The god settles himself more into the couch as he listens to everything that comes from Ben. The unsureness and the worry lives in every word- even the ones that are made lighter by the good memories that paint themselves across each one. He can hear the want to be open and ready to receive so much love, but he can also hear the fear.

   For the reason made obvious when Ben tells him that all his loved ones pass. Death, Eros knows, had always been a fair thing. It didn’t make sense to mortals when it struck down those they cared for or swept through and took the young among them, but it was always a fair thing.Even the god had watched it take away people he loved and had to hold his sorrows to himself. Even when all one has is sorrows wrapped in them are memories.

  It’s not until Ben has stopped speaking and Eros has had a little moment to take it in before he speaks. The topic is a grim one and it makes the demigod awkward but he understands that.

   “Death often takes away beautiful things from us,” he starts. “It takes away more beautiful people too. But maybe it’s because it does that so often that feelings like love and friendship and family exist. We’re given the time we have with people for a reason and even if later on it hurts and we lose them either to Death or to growing apart or even being ripped apart by them or ourselves— the time we do have with others is a sacred thing.”

   Eros adds softer, “If you spend all the time you have with someone worrying about losing them, are you really with them? Or are you with the idea you have of them?”

  He looks at Ben now and it’s in his eyes that he speaks from personal experience in this moment. He too, had loved someone and lost them. He too, had spent the time he had with someone worrying too much about the end of things and missed all the moments where he had everything with them. And maybe it’s because he’s had this pain at least once and watched it a thousand on thousand more times with his own charges that he says what he does next.

    “Please, all you have is right now. Don’t waste it.”

To give a title~ Continued from here with @mparwyn

—*

  Eros’ eyes take in the grand display that the other had made; it was massive in size and the message was unmistakably clear. Affection, real and true, was seeped into the work and that in itself was admirable beyond words. The god smiles as his heart does a little flip at the effort made by the demigod.

   “Simple…hm,” he hums softly. Then his magic stirs and his hair begins to glow in that telltale way that it does when the god is genuinely pleased. “I don’t think simple is *always* the best method really. I think it applies greatly to some people, but for others- it ..well, simply lacks!”

he obeyed the other's words quickly, wide-eyed and intrigued by what eros had seemed to prepare, his silvery eyes peering curiously at the small palm sized ball of pink stardust that had formed in eros' palms.

it swirled in a myriad of pretty pink colours, and for a moment, arwyn thought that the god's magic was almost like an living organism itself--though without the harm and all of the goodness.

a faint scent of sweetness drifts across the space between them as he carefully held his hands beneath eros' warm hands, quickly squeezing shut his eyes as he thought of everything that he could possibly associate with hel as quickly as he could.

a smile quirked the corners of his cheeks, a light huff of muted laughter falling from his lips as he instantly recalls the affinity for sweets, food and candy that the norse goddess had, from the way her cheeks puffed out cutely as she stuffed herself with all the desserts and food items that he had slowly but surely learnt to create just to indulge her, to the absolutely adorable moments of her fighting with their pet cat...

a warm bloom of affection swelled in the demigod's heart, trickling from the very center of his chest right out into veins, spreading warmth throughout his body as he felt a shiver run down his spine.

and there were tender moments too.

he felt his neck heat at the memory of their first kiss, coupled together with a muddled memory of seemingly seeing the goddess' true form.

each memory and thought of hel tickled him pink, and the demigod felt as though his affection for the norse goddess of death had deepened even more than he thought could possibly be before.

    Between their hands a magic grows. At first it’s fragile and only held together by the tendrils that the god gave it, but then as Arwyn pulls his focus better, the little swirling cloud changes. It waivers, seems to beat for a second of time and then from its core starts its change. Warmth like summer sun blossoms in the center of the pink mass, its color soft and golden. It beats once… twice then finds a music all its own. 

    It takes a breath right along with it’s creators. That magic works in tandem with Arwyn now, the golden threads stretching up toward his chest and drawing that beautiful soul essence that makes up the serenity of his feelings. They flow from his memories down into that soul weaving itself into the magic between their hovering hands.

     Is it him? Or no? Eros asks the magic even as he watches the peace settle over the demigod's face at the mere notion of his lover. Is it his heart that can carry the weight of this kind of love; the acceptance of differences and pursuit of understanding regardless? Can he carry her love too?

   The mass gathers more, pink and golden clarity forming something solid finally. Eros moves his hands to be under the gift and ready to cradle this tenderness. When Arwyn speaks again their efforts are ready.

    “Yeah, you can open your eyes,” his voice is soft. There in the security of his hands is a heavy rose gold heart shaped pendant affixed to a simple black velvet ribbon. It pulses softly like a whisper as the god marvels at it. For a moment while the god waits for Arwyn to open his eyes he knows that this small gift will change a great deal when the time comes but for now, it will be the safe spot for what they make to grow.

When he congratulates her on her new relationship, Ahri blushed, her cheeks turning quite red and for a moment she remembered how Ayden first gently reminded her that he had asked for her to be his girlfriend and she had been oblivious.

"Oh, I guess I didn't think of it that way..." Her shyness turning into thoughtfulness. "He did choose me..." Her eyes drifted to her hands on her lap, warmth blooming in her heart.

"I..." She hesitated, her green eyes rising to meet the god's, only to drift back down unto her hands. "Not a lot of people choose me, I suppose." She looked up as the words spilled from her lips. "That's not a pity party again, just fact."

   He hears her.

    And that’s the part that hurts. He can hear the joy that wants to bloom in full at the excitement of being with someone. He can hear the anticipation of opening up all ove again— and he can hear the fear.

    He can hear the way that there’s uncertainty because what if she opens up and the secrets she shares are cherished and protected? What if she opens up and the little joys she shows are later the little things used to belittle her happiness? 

      What if she opens up again….

             … and there’s really no one there?

   The smile that he wears is a sad little thing that doesn’t reach his eyes. It never does when he’s watching someone strangle their own opportunities. She can love him, he could love her. But she’s got to love herself enough to have her fears and still want to keep trying. 

     This is the way to love someone when they can’t do it all the way themselves:

   Eros reaches across the table with one hand, palm side up and offers his friendship. No judgements, no reservations, no conditions.

    “Sometimes, people will choose you and then they will choose themselves. And sometimes that choice means that they leave you behind with all the choices you made to give them space inside your heart.” And that’s the scary part of trying again. But Eros does smile now and it reaches his heart instead, “But when we choose to try again, we choose ourselves too. To see the lessons that those that left taught us about ourselves and our needs. We choose to see that we hurt once without them but we made space and in that empty house inside ourselves, we can choose to find peace. And if we’re brave enough…”

   He lifts his smile to her line of sight, “…People who choose us as we’re healing are the ones that make that house a home again. He’s worth trusting love, because it’s worth it to choose to trust yourself.”

Feeling her husband's arms wrap around her, Amaterasu sighed softly, savoring the feeling of being held so close to the one she loved. It was moments like these that reminded her of the beauty and simplicity of their bond, a love that transcended time and space.

As she gazed into Eros's eyes, she found herself lost in the depths of his gaze, each flicker of emotion reflected back at her like stars in the night sky. His words washed over her like a gentle breeze, filling her heart with warmth and gratitude.

Before she could respond, the sound of footsteps echoed through the room, drawing their attention towards the doorway.

Evander's head popped up into the room, his expression filled with excitement in his youthful face. He asked if they could come outside soon. Cordelia's voice piped up from outside as well, inviting their parents outside as well.

Amaterasu exchanged a knowing glance with Eros, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. With a gentle nod, she rose from his lap, offering him a hand as she turned towards their children.

"Well then, let's not keep them waiting," she said, her voice filled with excitement. Leaning close, she breathes his scent in once more, centering herself and reveling in their little family. "They are excited to show you their surprise. So am I, quite frankly." Pulling away, her face filled with love and warmth for him.

     He’ll never really stop being impressed by the level of her love. It’s the sure thing in his universe- the love of his family. In his wife he’s found a tranquility like no other because she’s taught him how to love in ways that he didn’t even know he could. He’s broken pieces of himself off happily his whole life- since before the world breathed itself to life and the Goddess of All crafted the first wakefulness- and not thought about how they might be given back.

    And certainly not how they might be returned better than he had given them out. From the love that he had willingly given her, she had returned it a million fold with her compassion. In her infinite tenderness she had not only loved all the parts of him that were present but loved all the shattered and missing parts too. She had never once asked him to change— but made him change for the better.

  So when she stands to get him to join her and the perfect little family they’ve formed, he easily slides his hand in hers. He’ll traverse a cosmos to bring her whatever she asked, he’d wake up early to make her coffee in the morning. He’d watch the same movie they’ve seen a zillion times with her and the kids, and he’d smile even as she’d get frustrated when he forgets to do something and fusses at him.

    Because it’s her. All because it’s her. And their love is the surest thing.