backing up to the start of this year... was feeling very angry about getting towards the end of college and not being happy with how my life had turned out. went up to visit my high school best friend of six years whom i'd never met in person. he confessed his feelings for me, i got scared and left, and then he started blowing up my phone and i ended up deciding to cut him off. probably for the best but just unfortunate.

around that time i got a tech internship in nyc and was preparing to move to manhattan for the summer. i'd never lived alone before, i'd never lived further than 20 minutes away from my family, i'd never worked a real office job, i'd never been to nyc... big changes. around that same time i ran into a childhood friend on campus and started going out with him. lovely sweet hard-working guy. told me he loved me and wanted to marry me and wanted me to move to a different city to be with him. i loved him too and was excited about our future. we had a lot of fun together this spring.

over the summer he started getting a little hot and cold, but i knew he was going through a lot, so i didn't think much of it. in june he encouraged me to get off my anxiety meds, which i stupidly did, and then ended up having to survive withdrawal while navigating everything else going on at work/in new york. on top of that, i started recruiting for a long term job... i signed my new offer yesterday and it is basically my dream job and i should be excited right now but instead i feel like my life is falling apart.

last saturday my boyfriend and i both agreed we wanted to take a step back. he was starting a new job and i had all my stuff going on, and it was best to take space. we decided we would check back in in august, and he told me i could reach out if i wanted to in the meantime. on tuesday i got an interview at a very prestigious company. he works for a similar company and coaches students preparing for these interviews. i swallowed my pride and reached out to ask for advice. he was suddenly cold and rude. i was left with literally no choice other than to break up with him, and when i tried to ask for an explanation for his behavior, he lashed out at me and blamed me for his problems.