Mouse Surgeon

The two of them were his space to feel okay, like his body wasn't broken beyond repair, and no matter what Trinity had pointed out about his borrowed time here, that his boyfriend's were fucking attendings and obviously would figure it out-

Couldn't this stay? Just for a little longer? Couldn't he get Robby's tea for him on still warm nights after work, letting the older man rest just to see the appreciation swimming in honey brown eyes? Why the hell couldn't he shower with Jack, standing between his thighs while the other sat on his shower stool. Steadily ignoring any pangs of jealousy when his back went numb from pain, and ultimately alleviated by huge warm hands trailing up and down his back in bed.

Apparently the day had come that the answer was a resounding no. His very own judgement day.

The cart's wheels squeaked between them, exhaustion lining both of their faces loosely.

Robby hummed, stilling to look over the different kinds of apple's avaliable. Even looking over at Dennis so he could ask "Did you like the granny smiths Jack bought? I know he likes them, but-

"Jack also loves sour," Den pointed out, his lips quirked up slightly "but no, not really, at least I like sweeter apples"

"Me too, I think the old man snoozes and loses in this case" Robby remarked, picking up a bag of much more brightly colored envy apples. Setting them in the cart and continuing to move through the produce.

"Says old man number two" Dennis teased, letting his eyes close once they stopped moving for a moment. Robby would be at least a minute here, checking the prices between the two bags of grapes and hopefully it would be enough time for his head to stop swimming.

"Hey sweetheart, you okay?"

"Mm?..oh, uh, tired" He managed, very pointedly ignoring the ice slipping down his back and the heat rising to the back of his neck. A cheap imitation of Robby's hand curling around him during work to steer him someplace.

Beside him, Mike made a sympathetic noise.

"I know baby, today was a long one, huh?" He murmured, leaning forward to press his lips to his forehead. Only to make Dennis privy to the way his lips downturned.

"Dennis are you sure you're okay? You're clammy"

" M'fine, s'just hot in here" He muttered, pulling himself back with a harsh swallow. Just managing to open his eyes in time to see the disbelief on Robby's face.

Ah, great, it was in fact not hot in here.

"Michael please, can we finish shopping?" Dennis's voice came out thinner then before, his chest clearly rising and falling slightly faster.

Robby didn't look happy about it, but he nodded nonetheless.

unfortunately for Dennis, going faster once it started to go downhill only made the ground come up that much faster to meet him.

Several more minutes in and he could feel the way the back of his scrubs and hair were wet with sweat, a nauseating mix of hot and cold swirling up and down him and an dizzying fog settling that made it so he didn't notice the increasingly concerned and fed up looks Mike was giving him.

Fuck ow, fuck ow, fuck-

He reached out for the cart handle and pressed his forehead hard against Robbys shoulder, quietly panting at the pain making his legs and hips feel weak. He couldn't help the thin whimper he gave over it, suddenly too out of it to think about much else.

"Den? Jesus, Dennis you're red baby, what?-"

"It's okay, just..just give me a second, please" He tried to reply, not catching Robby pulling out his phone or the quick set of texts he sent off.

"Here, come here, we're done, I promise come on" He muttered, pulling Dennis from the cart and into his side to support him.

The small whines and breathless little "ow"s under his breath his younger boyfriend kept giving broke his fucking heart, and only solidified his choice once they got back into the car to turn back towards the pitt

In the passenger seat, Dennis had tipped his head back, squeezing his eyes shut against the onslaught of spinning like he was in a dryer set on tumble dry.

"I know, I know baby, we're gonna go see Jack, okay?"

" What? No, no no, Robby, Michael it's okay" He begged, his head rolling to the side to look pleadingly at the other man.

The look he got in return was nothing short of incredulous.

"Dennis you're obviously sick, I felt your pulse getting you in the car, you're tachy right now" He argued

God this couldn't be happening today-

"Robby please, I promise it's okay, really, it's not new, I've dealt with it before and-"

"You've dealt with this before?"

Dennis winced at the sudden sharpness to his voice, far too unsteady not to slice himself open upon it's edge.

"Yes, look, I..I can explain at home, but-"

"Oh, oh no, you can explain at the ER Dennis"

Fuck.

Robby didn't even grant him chairs, instead all but picking him up to take him into the ambulance bay

The fog was beginning to clear, as was the heat from sitting in the car on the ride over. Leaving a different kind of fire burning beneath his skin, in the form of embaressment that only heightened when Jack met them at the door. A worried set to his jaw as he directed them to an empty room, the two of them immediately setting about getting his vitals and setting up both his pulse ox and pressure cuff.

"I don't think you're supposed to treat family," He tried to protest, grasping at straws at this point.

"We're two attendings, I'd fucking dare anyone to say anything to us right now" Jack muttered, both said attendings heads jerking up to look at the screen when his heartrate immediately began to scream.

Dennis closed his eyes tightly, finding kindhip with the at peace dog meme Trinity had sent him yesterday during lunch.

"Your heartrate is 140 fucking bpm" Robby hissed above him.

"Give it a second, it'll rest soon" He replied, suddenly finding the florescent lighting on the ceiling very fascinating.

Robby scoffed at his blaise attitude, standing up straight so he could pace the end of the room. On the other hand, Jack had straightened up to study him, something too akin to recognition lighting up in his gaze.

"..this isn't new to you, is it." It wasn't a question, but Dennis slowly shook his head anyways

"..No, it's not" he mumbled.

"How long? how long has this been going on? Better yet, how long have you been hiding this from us?" Mike huffed, his jaw winding tight and painful out of stress.

"You make it sound like I've been lying to you guys" He protested, a weak deflection from the real answer of 'too long'. All due to the fear of the follow up answer that he was terrified it'd always be like this now.

The bark of laughter that followed anyways was just as scary though.

"I mean, were you not?"

"Michael.." Jack tried, glancing over at his partner.

"No, no, do not." He snapped, but still came to a stop at the end of the bed. Pressing his lips together till they turned white before he asked "Okay. okay, how..when did this start? let's start there."

"In 2020, I uh, got really sick, I had to be hospitalized. It was pretty bad, and I just thought that I had to spend a while recovering afterwards but it.." He swallowed hard, not meeting either of their gazes right now.

"It just kept getting worse, over the next six years, and I never considered that something was really wrong until about roughly a year and a half ago, that I was..sick, and not just generally weak or, uhm, from being homeless" He explained, quiet beneath the beeping over his heartbeat that Jack ultimately silenced so he could speak.

Both men looked pained, if not sad.

"Baby, we could've helped" Robby began, straightening once more to drag a hand over his beard.

It was Dennis's turm to laugh incredulously, shaking his head before he replied "and done, what, exactly?"

"Helped with apointments, at home, you didn't have to deal with this alone Mouse" Jack murmured

"To what end? I mean, when, when is this over? what if it doesn't? Do I go from Capable Dr.Dennis Whitaker to someone who almost made it but ended up being nothing due to being sick" He spat, sitting up further in the bed.

"Mouse-"

"No! I have to push through it, there is no, 'you should take it easy', I'm a year one resident, I have a life, I got out with my best friend and my boyfriends and I..I'm finally getting to live, and I can't let pain or symptoms get in the way of that, I refuse."

Dennis's outburst hung in the air heavily, both of his partners sharing a silently devastated look between them before they sank back down in the chairs by their younger's bed.

"Den, no one's asking you to give up anything, we just want to help." Michael whispered, slipping his fingers into Dennis's free hand. "Baby..how long are you in pain normally? When does it start?"

Dennis glanced at their hands between them, his mouth twisting slightly with an apparent lack of answer.

"It..does have a start and stop, right?" Robby whispered, only to lean his head down between his arms and against the bed railing when Dennis shook his head.

"Dennis your life doesn't end just because you're disabled" Jack pointed out after another beat of heavy silence.

"I know it wouldn't, but I'm not, so it's..I'm just sick" He frowned

"Sweetpea, you've been sick for six years, increasingly getting worse symptoms, being sick like that is being disabled" He replied gently

"But I'm not- I don't need anything, for that, so- I don't want to take a label when I can still move and clean, and.." Dennis trailed off

"Am I able bodied Den?"

Dennis opened and closed his mouth, before ultimately shaking his head.

"Exactly, I'm disabled, but I still have a life, a pretty active one, right pup?" Jack gave him a small smile, claiming his other hand for himself.

"Yeah, I just.." He suddenly felt so tired, compounded by the flare from earlier- he swallowed thickly and managed to whisper "I just thought it would be different Jack"

Jack's smile turned a little sad, before he brought Dennis's hand up to his lips to plant a few warm kisses to his knuckles.

"I know treasure, i know" He murmured into his skin.

Dennis closed his eyes tightly for a moment, taking a big, shaky inhale and exhaling slowly.

"..I'm sorry I didn't say anything, most days I don't want to even think about it, much less have conversations about it." He explained

"Does Santos know?" Robby spoke up for the first time in a few minutes to ask

"Yes, she does" Dennis admited

"Good," he sighed, lifting his head to drag his gaze over Dennis's features and adding "I'm glad someone else did, I think it'd be worse to know you'd been alone thusfar."

"And now you definitely aren't, you have the rest of us in your corner baby" Jack murmured, reaching out to tuck a brown curl back around his ear. His wrist catching the first tear falling down Dennis's face followed by a steady stream spilling over his cheeks.

The two of them leaned in, crushing him between their steady and warm chests. His hands coming up to grip their arms, little hiccuping cries tearing out of him, both mournful and full of relief in equal measure.