The word 求められる in the context of Akihiko/Haruki
There is a moment at the start of vol. 4 when Haruki voices how he thinks he is ordinary (凡人枠), and Akihiko gets this look in his eyes and reaches for him and tells him that he *is* extraordinary, that he is someone sought (求められる) by everyone.
Haruki backs away from the touch, and the words.
Akihiko laughs it off and the conversation moves on.
But much much later, in the wake of the awful fracture to their relationship, as they live together and time begins to heal their wounds, the word 求められる comes up again, this time as Haruki contemplates the vestiges of his shattered feelings for Akihiko.
[Translation: There was a part of me that believed that if I begged for him to indulge me by letting me help him, that I could cling on to him. It’s exhausting, [to be in love with] someone seeking (求められる) nothing from you.
In the middle of this internal monologue are Akihiko’s words that wounded Haruki so deeply, the お前に言ってもどうにもならない, or “Telling you won’t change anything,“—the line that told Haruki that Akihiko at that moment had someone else in his heart and mind, and was only using Haruki as a stand-in.]
Of course the words that Akihiko said that wounded Haruki so deeply were thoughtless—he wasn’t being honest with himself in that moment either, and already cared about Haruki far more than he was allowing himself to know…. But it was also that self-delusion which deepened the wound he dealt Haruki.
But the fact is, Akihiko’s statement that Haruki is sought by all betrayed how he felt.
And yet Haruki has been so wounded—Akihiko’s self-delusion and carelessness and his own wounds projected outwards have done such damage to Haruki that even at that moment, even all these events and months later, Haruki only sees himself as unsought for.
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