the action had you blushing intensely.

it was like she was purposely trying to make you flustered.

her hands cradled a leaf larger than her face, mouth wide as water droplets fell into it, tongue sticking out just enough for her saliva to make her lower lip glisten.

you felt hot.

your eyes flickered to the way her mouth savored the liquid, you felt your heart skip a beat. you knew the way you were shamelessly staring was making you seem like a desperate idiot.

but genuinely who could blame you?

many na’vi in your clan wanted to court neytiri. that wasn’t a secret, she was a talented hunter and warrior, the next tsahìk and a beauty that had many falling down to their knees.

your thoughts were interrupted as a hand pressed against your side. looking over, you saw neytiri stare at you with a raised brow. “you looked lost in your mind, ma yawntu.”

“only just thinking of you.” you smiled at the subtle flush in her expression. turning to fully face her, you rested your hands on her shoulders and hers going to grasp your waist. you swore her eyes were an enchanting trap waiting to capture you yet like always your gaze dropped down to her lips.

observer that she was, she smirked at your easily distracted attention to that certain part of her face. not wanting to derive you of your fantasies for any longer, she brung her face closer to yours. hovering, lips softly caressing each others before they fully interlocked.

“y’know me, not wanting to be in all of that. besides, i have an early task tomorrow—if i’m not there and prepared, mo’at will have my kuru.” he chuckled, nodding slightly at the description of the tsahìk. you grinned at the way his eyes crinkled and teeth shinned, how you were able to make him laugh.

oh eywa, you were down bad.

the moment dissipated once jake’s name was hollered from the crowd, obviously from a drunken mouth as the word slurred heavily. not wanting to miss the fun, jake turned back to you, ready to bid a farewell. “i’ll see you around, okay?”

“sure thing! see you around, toruk makto.” as you lingered slightly to watch as his toned back distance himself from you, when you swiveled yourself—his enticing voice making you halt and meet his gaze.

“and please! call me jake, we’re friends.”

friends.

right.

“of course.” you replied, head turning back to continue making your way further down the line of trees and greenery. as much as the pathetic excuse got you away from the loud cheers and moving bodies—your restless mind wouldn’t let you even think about slumber.

the mere interaction with jake sully was enough to get you giddy and wanting more. enough to send your mind spiraling at the thought of how you were going to talk to him next. how you were going to be able to look in those eyes that you couldn’t help but soften at.

you didn’t realize how far you ventured until you snapped out of your day dreaming. the trees that overlapped into themselves created a dark environment that made you feel uneasy. wanting to rest your legs before you had to journey back, you slid down a chunk of wood—being precautious as you felt intimidated in the eeriness.

your fingers resting on the gritty soil, you touched a small wooden stick that laid innocently. you huffed, smiling slightly at the idea that popped in your head. “this is so childish.”

fingers gripping either end of the wood, you closed your eyes and murmured softly to yourself. “i wish jake sully loved me more than anyone on this moon.”

the sound of the material snapping opened your eyes, dropping the object on the ground—you stood. dusting your hands off as you stared. a subtle tightness in your heart made you wince slightly. “that was so dumb.”

trailing along the path you came from, you couldn’t help but turn your head and stare at the broken piece of wood that sat idle. furrowing your naked brow bone, you ran back to grab it. even if it was a simple piece of eywa’s creation, it had a certain pull that you couldn’t help but be drawn too.

that same night, you returned to your kelku with a developing headache. you groaned at the pressure it caused to your temple, trying to bury yourself in the cloths that kept you warm. your fingers softly tracing the wood that you held, surprisingly it had lulled you to a deep sleep.

there was a quiet rustling that made you forcefully open your eyes, the heaviness of the lids not making out the source of the sound. the only thing that you managed to make out was the blurriness of long blue limbs standing over you.

you screamed out, jumping up as the figure backed away. now fully awake and alert, jake sully stood before you. a large smile on his face at your awaken state. “i was wondering when you were going to wake, ma yawntu.”

the nickname took you aback. “ma yawntu? what? are you okay, jake?”

“what? of course i am! i was just so excited to see you, i couldn’t sleep all night—you are a very beautiful sleeper by the way.”

as much as the compliment flattered you deeply, you couldn’t help but be desperately confused at his change in character. the back of your hand came up to rest on his forehead, trying to feel for any extreme warmness, yet there was none. he was fine. you also noticed the way he leaned more into your touch, like he wanted more.

freezing, your mind took in his words. “did you watch me sleep the whole time?”

“yes.”

shaking your head frantically, you observed him. his attentive expression, eyes that held such a deep softness, for you, it was an unusual look for him. “did you need something? is that why you’re here?”

“i’m here for you? after all, you are my mate.” the word made you sputter, looking around to see if this was a possible prank. if any of his buddies were going to jump out and laugh at the predicament they planned or if this was a not-so-funny joke jake had decided to scare you with.

“mate?” you couldn’t help but whisper aggressively. jake didn’t flinch at your harsh tone, only smiling softly as he nodded.

“yes. we’re mates.” jake took a step closer to you, gesturing slightly to the side of you. your eyes shifting, and then widening in terror. your kuru, attached to his. the soft purple glow emitting from your conjoined braids.

gripping yours, you ripped it away. you couldn’t believe that you didn’t feel the connection, that jake most likely was the one to connect the most vulnerable parts of yourselves over night like it was nothing. “what did you do?”

“i did what you always wanted since you met me, what i always wanted. now, we are finally mated. i couldn’t be happier, sweetheart.” he whispered, placing a hand over the side of your exposed neck. his touch made you shiver, you couldn’t tell if it was in a good or bad way however.

as much as you wanted to shove him away, to yell at him at the top of your lungs to get away from you. you couldn’t, because it was jake. the jake you had a crush on when he first arrived, the brave and mighty toruk makto. the one who led your clan to victory. the one who would make your knees feel weak and have your heart pounding out of your chest.

and deep down, you knew he was right. how much you wanted to be mated to him, at least in your vision it was properly—under eywa. this worked too.

“what changed? before, you called me a friend. now…” you waved your hand towards him, gesturing to his current situation he was in. devoting his love for you.

“i just said that to mask my true feelings, i had a strong change of heart and i couldn’t ignore it anymore.” he shrugged, eyes not taking themselves off you once. you don’t even think he blinked at all since you were startled awake.

“obviously.” you hummed, sighing out—your hands still held your long braid. safely tucking it to your chest, you saw jake avert his eyes to it. his expression changing drastically, tears rimming his eyes and a sorrowful frown deepening.

“oh my fuck, baby i am so sorry. i wasn’t thinking, i know how important this was to you. i am so so selfish.” he cried out, hands roughly gripping his hair as he attempted to pull strands out as a form of his punishment.

“no, no! jake, stop!” he halted abruptly, like your words were a command that “it’s okay, i’m happy we’re together. like i always wanted.”

hand dropping your kuru, you placed a hand on his chest. right over his heart. you thought you could overlook the weird behavior, as long as you had jake by your side. you didn’t mind him acting like a fool in love.

“i see you, ma yawntu. more than anything on pandora, more than eywa can ever imagine.” just like your wish.

“i see you too, jake sully.”

you didn’t know how to say it or even when.

“mated? when did this happen?” mo’at questioned, glancing between the two of you. jake stepped up, still holding your hand as he explained.

you saw neytiri give you an encouraging smile, yet her eyes held confusion also. you could tell she was trying to process the drastic event, such a contrast from the night before where you could barely make eye contact with the avatar.

“it was a spontaneous decision, but the feelings that were involved weren’t. i have feelings for her that no one can ever take away.” his voice dipped lower, almost sounding threatening as he glanced at you. his eyes holding a seriousness that made you realize, this was no lighthearted love, this was a deep infatuation that made you nervous.

“very well, who am i to question toruk makto? we must celebrate this reunion, to our new mated couple.” at the words of the tsahìk, the crowd cheered. your nervous smile assessed the situation, still feeling jakes eye on you, the fault of his lie, of your lie.

you didn’t like large gatherings, that’s why you weren’t a singer or hunter. you stuck to quietly healing whenever you were needed. you felt out of place, the gospel of voices and moves of na’vi that were joyed that toruk makto had found his mate. after his years of serving the clan.

you smiled lightly as you saw jake speak to tsu’tey, his eyes drifting towards you every couple seconds. just making sure you were still in his presence. in that moment, it felt normal. seeing jake laugh and smile, be surrounded by the ones he grew to love. yet, there was an ache in your chest that knew it wasn’t the same. this was not like before.

a figure nudged your shoulder, ‘eytwan. a smart young na’vi boy, you had stumbled into him a good amount of times to consider him a friend. seeing him as the younger brother you never had. “i bet this is torture for you, huh?”

you laughed, nodding in agreement. “how did you know?”

“i see it all over your face, you look like you want to shrivel up and pass away right here.”

“you know me too well.” you patted his shoulder, just a friendly gesture. since your attention was directed somewhere else, you didn’t notice how jake stopped communicating altogether once he saw the na’vi approach you. how his eyes darkened and mouth turned into a snarl, fist clenching so hard that his finger nails drew blood in his palms. the liquid dripping down onto the soil.

it was so rapid that your instincts couldn’t react in time, the shout from tsu’tey startled you as ‘eytwan’s body dropped. a flash of blue aggressively pushing on top of him, the sound of fist hitting flesh. hard.

it was only a second later that you processed it as jake, beating your friend into a bloody pulp. “jake! what the fuck! jake, stop!”

it was this moment that you wished you were a warrior, that you were strong enough to pull the dreamwalker back as he pounded his fist into the already limp boy. tsu’tey sprinting and trying to hold him back, struggling to do so. it was only until another hunter came and tried to restrain him that the fight was broken up.

jake being in a tight hold, chest moving rapidly. fingers dripping with blood and fist an open wound. you felt like you were going to throw up, the scene of ‘eytwan, lying almost lifeless, eyes hardly opened and puffed up dramatically. spots of crimson staining the soil and coating his face.

your wide eyes met your mates, you could only imagine how terrified you appeared. tears spilling down your cheeks and body trembling so hard you felt like you were going to fall to your knees. it was complete silence that surrounded you, the shock of the situation pretty much the whole clan just witnessed.

“i meant it.” it was the only thing he said.

no one could ever take you away from him.

you glanced around, catching neytiri’s eye as you ran towards her. ignoring the call of your name jake shouted after your running figure. it was a swift movement that you grabbed her arm and pulled her into a more secluded spot.

“i messed up, neytiri. bad.” you whimpered, looking down at your red soaked hands that were caused by you trying to intervene.

“what? what happened back there?” she frantically asked, still shaken from the bloody scene. the sight that no one ever saw jake sully in before, murderous intent. over you.

“i made a wish, to a piece of wood and it worked.” you could tell that she was skeptical, eyes squinting as she looked you up and down—as if accessing any injuries that could’ve explained your radical rambling. “i’m being serious, i swear to eywa.”

and you never sweared on eywa’s name.

“what did you wish for?”

“that jake sully loved me more than anyone in all of pandora.” there was a beat of silence. you wanted the moon to swallow you whole, the shame that dreaded you was enough for your lip to start to quiver.

“we have to go to my mother, she might have an explanation for this. a remedy, something that could stop this.”

you cursed under your breath. you could only think back to poor ‘eytwan, his curious eyes, his bloody face. purple and black patches decorating his face gruesomely. the red liquid that poured profusely out his mouth. “yes, let’s do it. we just have to make sure jake is distracted, he never lets me out of his sight.”

“he’s with tsu’tey, let’s go now.” making your way to the healers tent, you saw mo’at surrounded by bowls of herbs. softly humming a song that calmed your senses, only a small bit.

“mother.”

“tsahìk.”

you both greeted her, yet your shared intensity caused her to sit up in alertness. the sight of your hands, neytiri’s wild eyes, it was a unique sight to see. one that only shown that danger had occurred.

“i made a mistake, a wish. that jake sully loved me more than anyone in pandora.” you fished for the broken stick in the pouch that hung off your loincloth. “with this.”

presenting it to her, you could see her eyes widen a fraction. you heard her mumble a sentence, only catching the small word of eywa that she had pleaded.

“do you know of it?” the desperation in your voice raised, following her command as she gestured you to come closer. her voice falling to a whisper.

“i thought i had rid of them all, these are not something to be thought of as lighthearted. it’s a darkness from the branches of a weeping tree. from further out in the forest, closer to the mangkwans.” you sucked in a breath, that explaining why you had felt the way you did.

“how does it go away?” you asked, fingers fiddling with your loincloth. your nail beds stained with dried blood at your constant picking, the recent events taking a deeper toll on your psych than you had originally thought.

“if you die.”

the kelku fell into a complete silence, you heard neytiri take in a sharp breath. a loud ringing sound infiltrated your ears, at their deep downturn—neytiri gripped your lower arm in an attempt at comfort.

“you made the wish, my child. jake sully is in an obsessive state with your entity, and without you—he would be back to normal.” mo’at explained, even though her tone was firm, you spotted the subtle gentleness behind it. the pity at your situation, the nativity of your love and innocence of your fate-filled wish.

“i will let you think.” she offered, dismissing herself out the healers tent. you felt your eyes sting as tears started to puddle your lash line.

“i have to die.” you whispered, looking at the woman beside you. she shook her head aggressively, as if not believing the words her mother spoke. even if the tsahìk was always right.

“there has to be another way.”

“no! you heard her, neytiri. i have to die. this stupid fucking wish, i just wanted him to like me, the real him. not whatever had taken over him! this isn’t him, i’m killing him.” your heart felt like it was going to rip out your chest, frantic breathing that had you stumbling over your words.

“maybe we can go to the tree of souls, see if there’s something eywa could show us. just something. anything.”

“i don’t think there’s any coming back from this, he seriously hurt ‘eytwan. just because what? he talked to me? everyone is concerned, and..” you trailed, eyes stuck on your feet. taking in a deep breath, you locked eyes with neytiri.

“i’m scared. who knows what could happen next? i have to do this.” it was all your fault, and only you had to bare the consequences.

“do what?” the masculine voice rung through the shelter, your heads snapped towards jake. he stood tall at the entrance, head tilted as he questioned you. your eyes drifted to his scarred fist that were clenched tightly, before snapping back to his face. the dark color still stained on his blue skin.

“nothing, ma’ jake! i was just planning on something romantic we can do tonight.” it was hard trying to sound cheerful, full of love, this jake, was a ticking time bomb. any wrong word or look could send him spiraling again. you wonder if the real jake was in there somewhere, screaming for release. it made your blood run cold just thinking about it.

taking his arm in yours, you turned to leave. before you opened the closed flaps of fabric, you looked back at neytiri. emphasizing your words as you mouthed, ‘tonight’.

it was distracting, trying to entertain jake with your fake love as much as you could as well as thinking about how you were able to kill yourself in the very same day. with your constant twitching, and skittish movements—jake noticed the sudden change in behavior.

“are you okay, baby? is there something you want to say? this isn’t about ‘eytwan, is it?” your head snapped to him, shaking your head aggressively you tried to smile in reassurance.

it was that and more.

“no! not at all! i’m okay! i promise, just getting pretty tired.” you feigned trying to stiffle a yawn to make it more believable. jake chuckled, the same chuckle as before, yet before it was actually real.

“well, we can’t have you falling asleep on me now, let’s call it a night then.” he stood, gently pulling you along with him as he led you by the small of your back to your kelku. to your now shared home.

“good idea.” you falsely praised, you saw him puff out his chest at the comment. like it was only your words that mattered, his obsession too deep to care about anything else.

as he guided you back to your home, which didn’t really feel like one anymore. you had glanced at jake to see him staring at you, almost like a glare, with his face void of every emotion. his eyes glistening with what you couldn’t tell were tears or the twinkle of the rays of ambient light in the night.

“are you okay, jake?” your question caused him to tighten his grip around you.

“ma’ jake. don’t forget it again, sweetheart.” his undertone sounded threatening, it sent a chill down your spine. not saying another word until you got settled down in your shared cot.

jake took a hold of your arm and placed it on his stomach, wanting you to be as close to him as possible. his lips met your hairline, and you thought you heard him take a deep inhale through his nose as well. “goodnight, ma yawntu. sleep tight. i love you so so so so much.”

“goodnight.” you whispered back, unable to bring yourself to reciprocate those special words. watching as his eyes shut and his chest start to slow to a calming rise and fall. you had to wait, just to make sure. your eyes drifting to his now washed hands, that you persuaded him to do.

after a couple minutes, jake hadn’t moved a muscle. so, you figured it was your cue to take your leave. taking in a sharp inhale, you tried to not take a breathe as you gently removed your arm and fixated your legs to hit the ground. hearing a light noise, you snapped your head to him.

still asleep, just shifted into a different position. you breathed out in relief.

opening the tent flaps, you scanned the scenery. you saw neytiri in the distance, sharpening her makeshift blades. you froze in your spot, admiring the way her freckles lit in the moonlight—how her braided hair framed her face and fell over her shoulders.

walking slowly, you guessed she heard your footsteps as she glanced at you. sitting beside her, you saw how her mouth transformed into a frown.

“tree of souls, we’re going to do it there. tell tsu’tey, just in case something happens.” you whispered, taking a hold of neytiri’s hand. “it’s going to be okay, you can visit me anytime. i’m still eywa’s child.”

she didn’t say anything, you figured she couldn’t or else she would break down right there in front of you. peaking back into your kelku to make sure jake was still asleep, you breathed out softly. “i hope this works.”

you were thankful there was no other na’vi that happened to be awake as you made your way to your final destination not long after. not wanting to be asked any questions on your whereabouts, as you neared closer—you made out two figures in the distance.

they could only give you a sad expression, tsu’tey reached towards you and wrapped his arms around you in a tight hold. he whispered, “you are stupid but brave.“

you figured neytiri explained.

you nodded against him, “i realized that.”

another body joined you, smaller yet fiercer with love. you heard small hiccups coming from neytiri as you squeezed your arms tighter around them. pulling back, you didn’t make out the other figure that joined. deeper in the darkness, just standing still. eyes crazed at the sight of hands other than his own touching you.

“i’m ready.” you nodded, picking up a piece of wood that sat by your feet. ironic.

you watched as tsu’tey and neytiri turned their heads, not wanting to witness the scene of their friend bringing herself permanently to eywa. before you plunged the object deep in your chest, you hesitated slightly.

“no!” jake shouted, reaching out for you in a sprint. he was stopped by tsu’tey, who with a quick reaction, took a tight hold on his shoulder and tugged him away. a sense of deja vu from hours before.

not taking a liking to that, jake pulled out the only weapon he had hiding in a strap under his loincloth. the two started to tussle, bodies dodging and tsu’tey trying to reason with his friend, or who used to be his friend.

it was when jake had straddled tsu’tey on the ground that he raised the sharp tool over his head. the pleading eyes of his best friend not phasing him in the slightest.

it was sudden.

jake gasped out, wide eyes taking in the sight before him. hands gripping a blade that was about to strike his closest friend, dropping it as if it had just burned him. strangled breaths left him, he felt he wanted to scream. he felt like he finally emerged from a constant state of drowning.

glancing behind him, he saw you. neytiri cradling your limp body as she stared at him. a piece of sharp wood piercing your chest, your hand softly holding it even in death. it was like you wanted to make sure you did the job.

“what—no.” he whispered, hands patting down his body aggressively as he felt a hand place on his shoulder. looking up, tsu’tey stared at him with a solemn expression. “what—what the hell happened?”

“i would die to experience just one night with him, i wouldn’t mind him taming me if y’know what i mean.” priyal laughed, nudging the na’vi next to her. the group circling as they gossiped about everyone and everything, just seeming to make a topic about your mate with you so obviously near.

neytiri observed it as well, making note of your growing frustration. “mawey, don’t listen to them. he chose you, eywa destined you to be together. remember that.”

her choice of words made you calm slightly, the tensity of your body loosening just a bit. you nodded, “you’re right.”

“aren’t i always?” she teased, sharing a laugh with you as you continued to mend baskets and weave cloths. yet, your ears still perked out, not totally easing as you carefully pertained to the task in front of you. their hushed chatting made you roll your eyes so deep in the back of your head that it hurt.

it was a snickered comment that made you straighten in your place.

“i just don’t understand how he chose her of all na’vi in the clan, she’s not even the best at anything. what absolute waisted potential.” that seemed to be the last straw for you, body rising to storm up to the clique. you ignored neytiri’s attempted calls to stop you.

your hand met her shoulder once you finally reached her, pulling her to face you—your breathes being dangerously close.

“waisted potential, huh? what’s this for waisted potential?” you didn’t let any words escape her mouth before you raised your fist to meet it. collected gasps surrounded you, priyal’s shocked expression met yours before her body charged, lip sporting blood as the cut ran deep.

a mix of punches and slaps, legs intertwining to hold each other down with cursed out insults. no one dared to intervene, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire.

only shouts and faintful cheers surrounded you.

you were going to raise your fist once more until a hand grasped your bicep. you shouted a profanity at the interruption, only abruptly stopping once you heard the voice of your mate.

“alright, that’s enough. let’s go.” he insisted, gripping your arm as he led you to a more secluded part of the forest. your gaze not moving from the fallen woman that had several of her friends huddling over her in deep concern. some flinching at the result of her injuries.

you smirked, stumbling after jake in triumph.

he stopped, you having no choice but to meet his eyes as he stared in disbelief, assessing any damage to your body. “are you hurt? what was all that about?

“she was—they were all talking about you, spending a night with you! taming you! i couldn’t hear it anymore, and i’m not going to apologize for it.” the edge in your tone made jake crack a sympathetic smile, his hand going to hover over the bruise that was starting to blossom on your upper cheek.

“baby girl, you don’t need to be fighting anyone for me. i will admit it is hot, but i hate seeing you hurt, okay?” he gently assured, rubbing a hand carefully over the slight gash in your brow bone. you only nodded, leaning into him as he secured an arm around you—pressing a small kiss to your hair. “now let’s go clean you up.”

on the way back to your shared kelku, jake glanced at you with a smirk. “it feel good, at least?”

𓇼 his presence is always with you, at almost every point of the day you could feel his chest against your back and his large shoulders hover over yours.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake is like your shadow, every step you take—he follows.

𓇼 some nights when you caress your hands over his ash stained skin, he will watch you with only obsession in his eyes.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake will admire you closely as you dance around his clan members when a ceremony occurs, fire spreading around you as you embraced the heat. he knew that you had become devoted to him almost as much as he was to you.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake can read you very well, he felt like he knew you more than you knew yourself.

𓇼 deeper into your mated relationship, mangkwan!jake started to show his emotions—at least not ones of anger or frustration.

𓇼 you heard him laugh, it was short and abrupt but it shocked you greatly and by your reaction afterwards—the true genuine smile you gave him, he didn’t seem to mind doing it more often. in only the comfort of your kelku, that is.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake hated how soft he had become, but he hated you less so it was tolerable enough for him to keep going.

𓇼 once he trusted you enough to go on small hunts with him, he had a hand at the small of your back at every moment, not wanting to risk you hurting yourself or a threat painting you as a target in the ashy woods. he seemed to worry less about you trying to leave him as days passed.

𓇼 he would come back to your kelku with blood, either a creatures or na’vi spread all over him. he would let you wash him up, and those moments felt soft—a harsh contrast from who perceived himself to be.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake would eventually teach you how to defend yourself, because as time went on—the more he thought about out you getting hurt, the more the thought made a deep ache settle in his chest.

𓇼 even on his days where he was too busy on an expedition or tasking himself around the clan, mangkwan!jake would instruct either neytiri or tsu’tey to train you.

𓇼 and when he made sure you were ready, that was when he finally let you out of the clans territory—obviously with him by your side, he did let you trail out a little bit to scavenge for food or spread the fire to nearby clans.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake wanted to make sure that you knew how to live in the harsh climates, because deep down there was a day where he would no longer be breathing, given his status and enemy ratio. so, he made sure you knew how to breathe without him.

𓇼 the option of kids would be open, even though mangkwan!jake wasn’t too fond of bringing kids into his world, he figured having more people to look after you and protect you when they grew old enough wouldn’t hurt.

𓇼 there were times when mangkwan!jake did kill for you, when a clan member grew too aggressive or flirtatious. he would have their head on a stick the next second for a communal feast, flaunting it like a trophy because no one would make his mate uncomfortable and live to tell the tale.

𓇼 and even you had grown aggressive when a na’vi had their own sights on mangkwan!jake, the behavior of the clan’s nature rubbing off on you and when you had looked into his eyes afterwards—all you saw was a slight twinkle.

and your husband noticed, you could tell. no amount of smiles and laughter that escaped you could convince him that you were truly happy in the embrace of seaweed and damp sand. it created a feeling of deep regret and anguish that every time he admired you—he felt the trickle of a single tear fall.

your distance of the teal blue clan members, the hidden sniffles at night when you thought no one was awake, the refusal to get to know a way of life that wasn’t meant to be yours.

jake couldn’t bare it anymore.

it was one of those nights where your mind was racing, filled with thoughts of your out of place character in the marui, you were joyful at the fact that your kids grew accustomed over the short period of time—but with your luck, it was the complete opposite.

you stared at the ceiling, arm pressed against jake as you felt his slow breathing. you were in no state for sleep, and you were jealous at the peaceful action that consumed the others. with a soft sigh, you gently guided yourself out from your shared hammock.

the light of the moon peaking in, you followed it. the sounds of crashing waves and ilu graced your ears—even though you could admit the clan had a beautiful atmosphere, it didn’t feel like you belonged in it. it felt too foreign.

taking a seat on the reef close to the sea, your feet dug into the sand. thin shawl that wrapped around your shoulders barely protecting you from the watery winds. simple flashes of flora, of the creatures that grazed the forest, of hometree, it all came rushing to you.

too deep in thought, you didn’t notice the extra company you had until a voice broke the silence.

“lets take a ride, a long one—i left a note for the kids to see when they wake up.” looking up, you saw your husband extending a hand towards you. your furrowed brows being the only sort of questioning you did as you followed jake to bob, his ikran—with yours standing by close.

jake let no words explain, only hopping on his bonded creature and gesturing you to mount yours, to which you had no issue doing.

with a reassuring look and a flight that kicked off the sand, your husband was in the air. your hair blowing behind you as you did the same, you felt a small smile creep on you as you felt the familiarity of the moment. like when you and jake had playful races and even calming evenings as you flew your ikrans—exchanging loving glances and teasing grins.

you didn’t keep track of how long the journey was, only trusting your mate as he led you to wherever his mind destined him to be for you.

there was a moment where you had been admiring him, the way the wind let his dreaded hair fly carelessly behind him and his face being lax of all hardened expression. it was when his eyes met yours that you blinked slowly, the smile you exchanged brought you back, you finally felt ease in your chest you hadn’t experienced in the past few weeks.

recognition hit you as you traveled farther, eyes scanning the greenery that welcomed bark and petaled leaves. a sudden excitement exploded in your chest, teeth showing as your mouth opened in awe.

it was quick when you hit the ground, your hurriedness speeding your movements as you were embraced by your familiar surroundings.

an excited squeak left you, hurriedly jumping off your ikran and sprinting towards the trees. jake slowly following as he examined your movement. plopping down on the terrain, you could feel your chest warm. your mouth beginning to hurt with how large your smile was.

you laughed aloud as the deep shade of green grass smoothly dug into your skin. arms spread at the relief of feeling the missed textures, you sighed as your hand grabbed a solid chunk of the soil.

jake only watched, standing feet away as a small smile graced his features. yet, his eyes held a more subtle expression—sadness. from what he took from you, that because of him that he ripped you from your home.

“you okay, ma jake?”

“yeah, baby. just admiring you.” he gazed as you leaned on your elbow, hand softly petting the ground. you hummed, turning your body to face him. “come sit.”

and so, he did. slightly groaning at the ache in his knees, he sat with his legs crossed and hands resting over his thighs. it was a small moment of quiet until he spoke.

“i’m sorry, for taking you away from this. away from your happiness.” he whispered, eyes avoiding yours as they stared into his lap.

cocking your head to the side, you sat up slowly at his sudden confession. “you are my happiness, i may be sad about being away from the forest but my home will always be with you. you are my mate, jake sully. i will always be at home with you.”

a hand came to rub against his cheek, thumb wiping the collapsed wet liquid that fell from him. another hand going to trace the white luminescent freckles that intricately formed a pattern on his chest. “i know you did it to protect us, i know you had no other choice and so i appreciate that and our kids do too.”

you held his stare as you felt him nod in your hold, a relaxed quirk of your lips arose. “thank you for bringing me out here, i couldn’t have asked for a better night together.”

“of course, baby. i would do anything and everything for you.”

the next evening whenever you returned back to awa’atlu, it was visibly obvious of the change that displayed with your relaxed posture and more soft attitude. more smiles and laughter as you landed, conversing with the local metkayina women as you weaved baskets by their side.

and it certainly fascinated your children.

“her and dad had a pretty eventful night, huh?” lo’ak smirked, observing your aura as it brightened around you. his expression quickly changing as neteyam clocked him in the shoulder with a harsh shove.

“don’t mention their romantic life like that, it’s weird!”

there was a silence until lo’ak piped up again. “y’know it’s true, bro.”

deep down, you knew neytiri loved you dearly and would never do anything to hurt your feelings but the angst that filled you whenever you saw the duo together—it made your heart throb in the way you knew would hurt you most. the thought of losing her.

so deeply unraveled in your mind, you didn’t take notice of said woman strutting towards you. hips swaying with her chest leaned forward, braids traveling in the wind with her fluid movement.

“hello, paskalin.” neytiri fondly addressed, a hand wrapping around your wrist as she guided it to her heart.

“hi, neytiri.” you beamed at her, the sight of her wide eyes and affectionate smile that she reserved for you makes all the worries you burdened fade away. from the corner of your eye, you see jake watching. you couldn’t make full comprehension of his expression, but you seen the way his eyes flickered between you and neytiri.

gripping her in a more solid hold, you pressed a soft kiss to the apple of her cheek. making sure to give jake a passive glance after the intimate action, his cluelessness made you internally scoff as he just offered a friendly grin.

neytiri didn’t take notice, just reveling in the affection you showed her before she took your hand and brung you to a more secluded part of the forest where you could have your own time spent together.

yet your mind couldn’t help but race about the certain dreamwalker. he was always with neytiri, touches lingering, stares holding longer than a comfortable second. you were sure there had to a feeling between them, one not very platonic.

the na’vi could sense your wondering train of thought, the lack of focus you attended towards her and the slight haziness that glazed over your eyes. she had glanced at you curiously, silky hair falling over her shoulder at the movement. “is something on your mind, ma yawntu?”

“no, no i’m okay—trust me.” you internally cringed at the lie, you despised lying to neytiri but the embarrassment of even being jealous of her relationship with jake made you refrain from confining in her about your doubts.

after that, you really did try and hold in your feelings. seeing them, seeing neytiri smile at him like he was one with your people, like he wasn’t a tainted being that was unnatural to the soil you were birthed on—what he was alien too.

it took a bit for her to even confess her admiration to you, yet with jake their relationship seemed to have a natural flow. it made you sick at the mere concept of the thought.

yet, you knew you were one to wear your heart on your sleeve. so it didn’t take long before neytiri came to you demanding answers.

“i thought you told me to trust you?” she questioned, barging into your shared kelku with her arms crossed and tail flickering wildly. you hummed in confusion, setting the weaved basket onto the ground and rose to meet her level.

“what are you talking about?” you asked, bringing a hand to meet her shoulder. she didn’t have the heart to brush it off though, even in her upset state.

“tsu’tey told me about your thing with jake sully. how jealous you are of him, how we are together. how come you didn’t tell me any of this?” she begged, eyes glancing between yours as if she was trying to dig deeper into your mind—to truly see what had allowed you to think in the reasoning you did.

“it’s stupid—“

“no. it worries you, i won’t let you stupidly think of make believe situations, of nonsense. you have to speak.”

you were scared of neytiri and what she could do, now that was no secret.

sighing, you gestured your head to the cot you both lied in at dark. taking the lead, she sat—yet there was no calmness in her movement. she still gazed at you with expectation, of demand. “go on.”

“i watched, of all your interactions with jake sully, how you two are together. to me, this sounds dramatic but—i truly cannot handle it. seeing you with someone else, so attentively and so close. i can’t deny that it doesn’t make my heart burn a little. just imagining you leaving me for him—“

she cut you off. “i would never, yawne. you are my mate, you are mine for life. let me show you, please.” she extended her kuru to you, large gaze almost pleading you to see her truth. “i can’t handle having you think this way, of you being so distant.”

you let your fingers gently find the base of your braid, bringing it forward to let the vulnerable appendage connect to hers. the purple glow shining on your faces as you closed your eyes. a deep breath escaping you at the intensity of the neural bond.

you felt it, her devotion to you. the peak of her joy whenever she had officially claimed you as hers, the way her eyes would soften whenever she had just heard the mention of your name and how her heart beat would quicken like a little na’vi who had experienced her first crush.

“do you see? truly see?” neytiri whispered, letting her body shift closer to you. her warmth bringing a comfort that only she could give you.

“i’m sorry, for troubling you, for being so immature and ignorant. i promise that if i ever think of anymore idiotic things i will come to you.” the apology made her hum, fortunately the exasperation she had experienced dimmed. replaced with a satisfied smile and teasing gaze at how deep your possessiveness ran.

“maybe we just need to work on your jealousy, huh ma txe’lan?”

it pained you, being that your family was your biggest outlet to your comfort. especially in a place far from the forest, from your home—in an environment where your limbs held no adaption to, it was enough to make you feel more isolated.

you had no sources of comfort, your brother being too busy with tsireya, kiri trying to console her own problems and tuk was just a kid. your mother grieved in a way that pained you enough to not want to delve deep into the topic with her.

but your mind felt like it was constantly in survival mode, thinking that anytime you would be placed in the same predicament your eldest brother was. it created a deep sense of anxiety in you, one that was too troubling to ignore.

hands trembling slightly, you breathed out. you could feel your chest start to inhale rapidly. knowing what was about to occur, you knew you couldn’t handle the pressure by yourself. so, there was only one thing you could do.

limbs shaky as they walked closer to your marui, you saw your father crouched as he huddled close to his metal weapon, a cloth cleaning the base to ensure of its upkeep. as you watched, it was only a small amount of time until he noticed he wasn’t alone.

as he looked up at you, figure slumped and lips possessing into a deep frown—you saw his eyebrows furrow and his figure stand tall in alarm. before he was able to ask any questions, you choked out like a small child.

“daddy.” you whispered, bottom lip quivering as tears pricked the outer corner of your eyes. from the blurry view, you saw him mentally crumble, arms opening as a invitation to be held in his embrace.

“my baby girl, c’mere.”

your head bumped right against his chest, arms snaking around his waist as your hands intertwined tight behind him. soft cries you tried to contain choking out louder. “it hurts, my heart hurts.”

“i know, sweetheart. i know.” all jake could see was the little girl who would demand to sleep burried right into his armpit, who would cry at the thought of even being separated from him. jake felt his own chest shakily exhale at the memories.

his hand coming up to rub at the base of your head, small shushes escaping him as he felt you shake harder in his hold.

“i miss home, i miss neteyam, i miss how our family was.” your confession brought him to let go, reaching to hold your cheeks in his palms.

“we are strong, our family is just in mourning, but we will always be there for one another—you got that, baby girl? and if you ever want to go back go the forest, i’ll take you there in a heartbeat and if you ever want to see neteyam—just say the word.” he softly uttered, eyes downturned to stare into yours. quiet huffs left you as you observed the heartbroken expression on your father’s face, even if he tried hard to conceal it.

sniffling, you nodded. looking down to curl your head into his chest once more. what you didn’t see, was your mother staring at the scene—eyes glossy and mouth quirked down. your father looked back, blinking slowly and mouthing reassurance. “i got it.”

“lets sit.” jake guided you onto the floor, still holding you up as your body started to turn limp in his hold. he could sense the drowsiness that came from all your tears, tail slowly flickering as it started to curl against his. “you can sleep, baby girl. i won’t let anything bad happen to you. that’s a promise.”

“i love you, daddy.” you mumbled, words starting to slur as you dozed off into his embrace. feeling safe in the arms of your biggest protector.

𓇼 does have kurus wrapped around him like decoration and will threaten anyone who laid a finger on you with the same fate.

𓇼 loves having a hand on you at all times, and if there’s an instance in which he couldn’t, his tail would be around your leg in a tight grip.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake loves feeding you the meat he prepared, he wouldn’t tell you where it came from, or who it came from though. “eat baby girl, don’t upset me now. i hunted it just for you.”

𓇼 mangkwan!jake showing off the shiny metal weapons he acquired from the pink skins but never letting you touch.

𓇼 yes, he did kidnap you from another clan and yes, he did hold you hostage in his tent filled with hanging skinned na’vi and several creatures until you learned to obey him and eventually love him.

𓇼 the prime definition of stockholme syndrome.

𓇼 will thoughtfully paint you with the colors that matched his clan, dark reds and black stripes—ash that lightened your complexion naturally blending you in.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake will let you decorate your shared kelku with your own small touches, not enough to where it overshadowed his work but enough to make you feel slightly more comfortable.

𓇼 will force the finest weavers in your clan to make you the most intricate headpiece and loincloth that made you stand out, to show that you were his mate, to brag.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake will make sure there is someone that watches you at all times when he is not present, mostly being tsu’tey or neytiri—who you can be closest with in the clan without mangkwan!jake getting extremely jealous and homicidal.

𓇼 he convinces you he does it to make sure you’re safe without his presence, totally…

𓇼 mangkwan!jake still becomes toruk makto, which contributes to the immense fear the na’vi people have for him.

𓇼 will let you ride and caress toruk, and there is no sense of danger that comes from the creature as the two share a bond that also includes mangkwan!jake’s admiration for you

𓇼 mangkwan!jake lets you keep the ikran that you bonded with, yet you couldn’t ride it without his supervision. mangkwan!jake wasn’t cruel enough to get rid of the animal, not one that meant so much to you.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake forms tsaheylu with you on a daily basis, making sure he knew the feelings that you experienced, and that there was no thoughts of you escaping the clan and faking your love for him.

𓇼 the act of the bonding connection didn’t mean much to mangkwan!jake since he held no respect for eywa and her flora that took over pandora. he mostly used it to intimidate other na’vi and threaten them with the very thing that helped them connect to their “true mother”.

𓇼 mangkwan!jake will absolutely make sure your worshipping to eywa was put to a complete stop, repeatedly drilling in your mind that he was the only deity you needed to be spiritually connected to.

limbs tangled together, breaths hot as your lips collided with shared tongue. your hand tracing circles on his back as the other one tangled in the locks of his braided hair.

his knee pressing close against the heat that resided between your legs, his lips locking between yours in a soft yet heated embrace. you couldn’t help but whimper out his name in a moment of vulnerability. “jake, please.”

“please what, baby girl?” he answered, departing from your lips as his hooded eyes stared into yours. speaking of it, the cloudiness of your hormone danced throughout your pupils. blown out the widest he had ever seen them.

“hold my hand.” the desperation in your innocent request made his mind spiral, if only you had known how every little thing you did and say absolutely drove him crazy—from the smallest hum, to the loudest moan.

“of course, my lovely girl.” five fingers intertwining with your four, he placed a soft delicate kiss on the backside of your hand—mouth trailing up til they reached the dip of your collarbones.

the connection of your tendrils made the experience all the more intimate, your bodies feeling the same euphoric sensations and emotions molding into one as the bond drew you closer together spiritually.

as if jake could sense the beginning of your body language growing more sluggish, the hours of you sharing your infatuation with each other finally catching up to you—he gently led you to lie on his chest to hear the beat of his heart. something he knew you enjoyed listening too, with his voice being a very close contender.

there was only admiration in the way he observed you, your exposed figure being an absolute work of art that he was convinced eywa carefully handcrafted herself. truly being a dream come true for him.

𓇼 he was still so attentive with you even after his severely busy schedule in the clan.

𓇼 he would BEG you to hang out with him.

𓇼 quite literally would stare at you with those big puppy eyes and WHINE if you didn’t give him the attention he so desperately required.

𓇼 words of affirmation is definitely his love language

𓇼 “you’re doing so good, baby.”

𓇼 “you’re more beautiful than i could ever imagine.”

𓇼 “i don’t know how i got so lucky, punch me?”

𓇼 “you’re proud of me, right sweetheart?”

𓇼 will let you ride on toruk, with their shared mutual respect for one another, the big creature became fond of you as well.

𓇼 there were many times when you noticed jake staring at you whilst you were trying to talk to him—like he couldn’t have been more obvious

𓇼 literally like ‘blah blah blah, proper name, place name, backstory stuff’ now lemme take you to our kelku already

𓇼 he is so very protective, in battle, and even in your regular cycles of the sun. if ANY and i mean absolutely ANY clan member stared at you too hard, jake would be so quick to pull you away and glare at them. maybe even trail his hand down your lower back to make them get the message

𓇼 don’t even think about getting hurt, jake would probably have a heart attack, like seriously

𓇼 even if it was only a small cut jake would be right on top of you worrying like a scared mother

𓇼 like damn bro would you relax for ONE SECOND it was only a papercut

𓇼 jake is so warm, which was so helpful on colder nights whenever you two snuggled up and his heat radiated off of him. no need for a blanket.

𓇼 it’s very rare if jake ever gets upset at you, it would most likely be if you ever did something so reckless it could’ve gotten you killed

𓇼 he will take your side, even if you were wrong (which is never)

𓇼 he has you on his songcord, specifically whenever he first discovered his love for you. it was a very significant moment for him, even more than when he became toruk makto.

𓇼 dreams everyday of having a family with you, imagining little you’s running around makes him so impatient every single day until the time does arrive

𓇼 compliments you everyday, i mean every day.

𓇼 he will absolutely put you before everyone else, even himself

𓇼 whenever you performed tsaheylu, jake almost cried. he would’ve never imagined becoming so integrated with the omatikayan people, let alone creating a bond so pure with someone as special as you

he stopped cradling you every second of the day, stopped treating you like a fragile delicacy that was apart of him, and more like a tough soldier. one he cared for.

he encouraged more training, forced you to watch as he hunted and shot arrows that delve deep in eywa’s creatures. told you about the dangers that resided in the forest, made sure you knew that you had to protect your siblings as well as yourself. that no weakness was allowed.

it didn’t occur to you the shift of attitude when you observed the way he interacted with kiri and tuk. treating them like his little girls, protecting them from the world, making sure they knew he would be there for them no matter what.

you watched one day as kiri was weaving a top out of vines and thick leaves, your father watching from nearby with a soft smile before eventually getting up to sit by her and pat her softly on the head.

you then watched as he made direct eye contact with you, eyes hardening and motioning to the bow that rested by your side. “go train with your brother, kid.”

you always responded with an “okay.”

there was never any protest on your end. not an eye roll, not even an ounce of hesitation. he was your father after all, you knew to listen to him. there was no point in doing otherwise.

you grew to think of things differently as you grew older, your mind maturing and thoughts being made without the influence of your parents. your own thoughts.

your father grew to be a tough shell, wanting nothing more than to make his oldest children be the protectors of the family. to claim their role as next in line of succession, to be a good example of the clan. yet, it all came with a price.

“you can’t focus on things like that, you have to suck it up. in battle, when things go wrong, you can’t hold anyone back. you have to concur through.” jake told you in an almost scolding tone, watching as mo’at, your grandmother rubbed some healing herbs on your shoulder—where a large gash resided.

“yes, sir.” was your only response.

the very next day, kiri had cut herself whilst tripping over a stump blocked by the heavy greenery of the forest. the same man, instead of scolding her and telling her to suck it up, soothed her and urged her to keep still as he tended to her shallow wounds—despite her repeated protest.

you couldn’t deny the hurt heavy in your heart.

“did you ever notice how different dad is with us?” you asked, looking up from sharpening your bone carved weapon. neteyam hummed, tilting his head slightly.

“what do you mean?”

“y’know, how he’s so soft with kiri and tuk, how he’s so hard on us?“

“i mean sure, but we’re the oldest. it’s expected.”

“i guess.”

that was the end of that conversation, yet it wasn’t the end of you noticing that you were right. he was different, and it grew more noticeable as the years went on.

instead of feeling like a daughter, his child, you felt like just another one of his soldiers. there was no affection in his tone nor his actions, he didn’t look at you with the softness that he did with his other daughters. he looked at you with a hardened expectation, that you be strong, emotionally and physically. that if he coddled you, loved you too easy, there would be a weakness that would hinder you incapable.

“why didn’t you do better at preventing this? you’re supposed to be the responsible one!” you flinched, eyes watering slightly as the rise of tone from jake grew louder. tuk shivering slightly into your mother’s side at the previous turn of events you all got wrapped up into. your head bowed to avoid his eyes, because you knew if you stared into his orbs filled with anger and disappointment—it would become a more emotional moment on your part.

and it didn’t get any better whenever you had to pack up your life and settle down into an entirely different environment. if anything, it got worst.

the stress that absorbed your family was critical, the new ways of life you had no other choice but to adapt too. the endless teasing of skinny limbs and unfit anatomy, it was all too much. even with the threat of the rda, of miles quaritch, there was no sense of protection that your father displayed over you. it was only over his two youngest girls.

some days were better than others though, he would give you a soft smile, a quick glance or nod of acknowledgment. that was enough to solidify that he still loved you deep down, even if his actions showed otherwise.

your days of relaxation came rare, but when they did arrive. you knew not to interact with your father, that he would try and demand something of you and with your utter desire to please him—he would succeed. even though his relationship with you was strained, he was still your dad. your role model, your first platonic love.

as your days with him were silenced, you didn’t realize they were numbered as well.

you grunted as your arm pulled back to release the arrow, it diving deep into the skull of a sky person. their body falling limp, your eyes fell on a ship where you saw your siblings try and fight off the demons that pointed their metal plated weapons. still positioned in the air, your movements sped.

arrow after arrow, hit after hit. you felt a deep sense of success at the goal of protecting your family, making your father proud. as your eyes focused, you saw neteyam, spider and loak attempt to jump off the side of the ship. from the corner, a certain dreamwalker pointed their gun—aiming directly at them. before the chance could arise, your elbow rose and their weapon dropped. the boys escaping safely.

you, not so much.

your hit wasn’t fatal, your presence was known.

your body was hit with the fate of a bullet, and as your conscience fell so did your body.

no one noticed.

but it was over, at least for the time being. no one was fatally injured. at least no one that surrounded in the moment.

“where’s your sister?” jake asked lo’ak, yet the boy only shrugged. cursing under his breath, he sighed heavily—mounting his ikran despite the protest of neytiri before searching the seas from the skies perspective. as his eyes traveled from the destruction, they squinted as they observed a body sprawled on a rock. limbs limp, and a dark liquid highlighting the surface. the size of an ikran sitting nearby, staring.

“no.” jake whispered, his body controlling the ikran as it dived. the lone ikran letting out a distressed call, as it positioned his head over the body. it was all too familiar to the man, the same body he watched grow up. the familiar bow that laid to position itself beside you, your only source of protection.

“baby girl.” his voice trembled, yet there was a sense of denial—hardness still coating his tone. “come on, you gotta wake up for me.”

as he kneeled beside your body, stiff and cold, it was obvious that you laid like this for hours. no one to catch you, no one to witness your final moments.

“wake up, baby girl. you’re strong.” he repeated his affirmation, yet this time it was for a different reason and with less toughness.

eyes dull, still open. blankly looking to the side, a single tear threatening to spill out the corner. face a pale blue, no rise of your chest nor twitch of your finger. it only solidified what jake had feared, his biggest fear.

“please, no. come back to me, please.” his desperation towards you was foreign to the tongue, yet it brought back the memories of when he watched you as a young na’vi. looking up at him with admiration, demanding his attention, leaning into him whenever he cradled you.

moments so similar now, still leaning in. just with more resistance to hold up your dead weight body, jake desperately wringing his fingers in your hair as he rocked back and forth.